-Welcome, everybody. Welcome to "The Tonight Show."
Guys, I'm super excited about this.
The one and only, Dolly Parton, is my guest tonight!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Dolly!
Right now, thousands of people outside are like,
"Screw the tree lighting. I want to see Dolly."
Come on! [ Cheers and applause ]
I'm excited to ask Dolly about her new Christmas special,
her new album, and ask her for advice
on building my theme park, Jimmy Wood.
[ Laughter ]
[ Guitar plays chord ]
I'm honored to have a small role
in Dolly Parton's "Mountain Magic Christmas" special
tomorrow night on NBC. I'm in it.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Well, it was a big role. It was a big role,
but after five minutes of filming,
Dolly was like, "You know what? Less is more."
And I thought it was nice. [ Laughter ]
What a special night to have Dolly here.
We actually watched the Rockefeller Center
Christmas tree lighting together,
and once it was lit, I started singing...
[ To "Jolene" ] ♪ The tree, the tree, the tree, the tree ♪
And I'll never forget what Dolly said.
She said, "Stop that, please." [ Laughter ]
It was just memorable.
That's right, tonight was the 90th annual
Christmas tree lighting here at Rockefeller Center.
Yeah. [ Cheers and applause ]
90th.
The crowd -- The crowd spent hours
waiting in the freezing cold, the pouring rain,
and 40-mile-per-hour winds.
But at the end of the day, at least they had
a beautiful view of the umbrella in front of them.
I thought that was... [ Laughter ]
If you couldn't see the lighting in person, good news,
the tree will be lit daily from 6:00 a.m. to midnight,
just like everyone who invested in crypto.
So, there. [ Laughter ]
That's right.
So, the tree is wrapped in 50,000 lights
and crowned with a star that has 3 million crystals.
[ Audience oohs ]
Meanwhile, all the other trees in the city are, like,
"[Coughs] Desperate." [ Laughter ]
"[Coughs] Sad."
Yep, during tonight's tree-lighting ceremony,
50,000 lights were turned on at once.
So, on behalf of everyone here at 30 Rock,
I just want to say sorry
to the guy who lives next door at 32 Rock.
[ Laughter ]
Let's see what happened when they lit the tree.
Do we have a video of that guy?
-Time to dust off my collection of priceless vintage glassware,
which I hope nothing ever happens to.
Aaah! My eyes!
Aah! -Oh, my God.
-My glassware! Aah, my eyes again!
-Oh, he can't see. -I'll get you for this,
Rockefeller Center Christmas tree!
-I hope he's alright. I hope he's okay.
-Oh, my gosh! -I hope he's alright.
-Lucky he had a camera in there. -Thank goodness
we had the video cameras there to catch his reaction.
-Both his elbows went up. -Yeah, I know.
But he knocked both shelves there.
He didn't know what to do. [ Laughter ]
-Such a blinding light. -Yeah, I know.
Meanwhile, though, tonight in Washington, D.C.,
people were celebrating the 100th
national Christmas-tree lighting with President Biden.
That's right. We had a tree -- [ Cheers and applause ]
a tree lighting in New York and a tree lighting in D.C.
And then one guy in Philadelphia microwaved a cheesesteak,
and the whole East Coast went dark.
It's like, "Wait, wait." [ Laughter ]
I read that the tree in D.C. is
about 55 feet shorter than the one here in New York City.
[ Laughter ]
The national tree heard and said, "Hey, it's colder here."
[ Laughter ] But...
Well, everyone is still talking about this.
The U.S. Men's Soccer Team's big win over Iran in the World Cup.
Whoa! [ Cheers and applause ]
That's exciting.
I don't know if anyone's more excited than Biden.
This is real. When he found out the result,
he ran back onstage after making a speech
to make the announcement, but his mic wasn't on.
[ Laughter ] I know.
Watch this. Watch this.
[ Marching-band music plays ]
♪♪
[ Laughter ] [ Sad tuba plays ]
-Biden didn't care.
He was finally living his boyhood dream --
silent film star. -Aww.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
[ Film projector whirring ]
[ Imitating film rewinding ]
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
Some big news -- [ Cheers and applause ]
You can understand the movie.
Hey, here's some big news, here.
The Senate just passed legislation to mandate
federal recognition for same-sex marriages.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Man, if you thought Iran hated America after the World Cup,
oh, boy. [ Laughter ]
Yep, it's a big deal. Right after it passed,
Biden awkwardly ran back onstage to announce it, like...
[ Laughter ]
Switching gears,
today Prince William and Kate Middleton
arrived in Boston for their first trip to the U.S.
in nearly 10 years. -Hmm.
-Right? [ Applause ]
And this was nice. This was nice.
They met with Boston royalty, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck.
I think Boston is rubbing off on Prince William.
Just listen to this video from earlier today.
-[ Boston accent ] Bro,
did you see the Yanks tank it this year?
I think Judge is coming over to the Sox.
-Yeah, that's interesting. -Wow.
-What's he talking about? [ Cheers and applause ]
Get some Dunkin'.
-Well, everyone is talking about this today.
Spotify released their annual "Spotify Wrapped."
[ Cheers and applause ] Do you all get it?
Yeah. "Spotify Wrapped" is great.
It reminds me that I've pretty much been listening
to the same five artists for the last five years.
[ Laughter ] Did you guys see this?
Following a massive spike in sales,
"The Phantom of the Opera" has extended
its final Broadway run by eight weeks.
[ Cheers and applause ]
The Phantom was like,
"I was this close to not having to wear a mask.
This -- I mean, almost." [ Laughter ]
Yeah, they announced they were closing,
then got record sales.
Now Sears is like, "We are also closing."
[ Laughter ]
Well, this is fun. I saw that next month,
the world's largest go-kart track
is opening in New Jersey.
[ Audience oohs ] What took so long?
It's already the tracksuit capital of the world.
I mean, come on. [ Laughter ]
It makes sense, though. New Jersey is the one place
you're actually gonna find a man named Mario in a go-kart.
So... [ Laughter and applause ]
Come on, that's...
"It's me...Mario."
And finally, guys, it's Wednesday.
You know what that means? It's time for
some "Monday Motivations."
[ Soft music plays ] -"Monday Motivations."
♪♪
-Secretly, the Kardashians
are just trying to keep up with you.
[ Laughter and applause ]
♪♪
Every time you have an appointment,
your dentist calls his friends like,
"You'll never guess where my hand is right now.
Yes, Jeffrey's mouth."
[ Laughter and applause ]
When people see you in a club, they're like, "Whoa,
how'd I get into the VIP section?"
[ Laughter and applause ]
♪♪
You wore a winter coat last week,
and now everyone's wearing a winter coat.
That can't be a coincidence. Congratulations, trendsetter.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
Every time people see you, they're like, "Mistletoe?"
[ Laughter and applause ]
♪♪
When you go down the line and say what you want at Chipotle,
the workers are like, "Right answer, right answer."
[ Laughter and applause ]
And finally, you're the "you"
Mariah keeps saying that she wants for Christmas.
That's why they play it every time you go into the CVS!
All she wants is you! [ Cheers and applause ]