- Right, you know, anal sex, you know, I'd do it.
(laughing)
(funk music)
(glass shattering)
- A lot of women get really, you know, freaked out about
anal.
And their like, "Oh, I don't want to do that. I'm scared
of the pain."
You ain't scared of the pain.
Women, they wax their eyebrows, they do all sorts of
crazy shit.
You're not scared of the pain, what you're really scared
of is dodo on the dick.
(laughing)
You're scared that he's gonna see that, and that's going
to be all of your shame, your inner evil, all your secrets,
and lies.
Sephora can't help you now.
(laughing)
But don't worry, 'cause when he puts it in the butt,
all he's thinking about is, "I just put it in her butt."
(laughing)
I gotta go call my mom, my dad, Dave, my grandma,
(laughing)
If you're married you're gonna have to do anal eventually.
Okay?
You have to because you gotta change it up.
You gotta change it up so you don't cheat on each other,
you gotta keep it interesting.
If you put it in different holes, maybe you'll feel like
you're fucking different people.
(laughing)
- So I tell my wife recently, I would love to try anal.
And I say to my wife, "Hey I would love to try anal,"
and she goes, "Oh, I wouldn't."
And then I said, "Oh".
But I said, "But I would."
And she goes, "Yeah. I know. I heard."
(laughing)
And then I said, "Okay. I really think we should."
And she goes, "I'm just not into that."
And then I said, "You know what? I love ya.
I'm going to be with you for the rest of my life.
I've been with you twenty years, I've never cheated on ya,
I never will cheat on ya, its you and me
against the world baby and I really got no where else to get
this anal."
(laughing)
So, I was like you gotta help me fucking out.
Its a fantasy, please?
And she was nice, she said okay.
And so on my birthday, she gave it up, she gave it to me.
She said she liked it, she said it was fun,
and she couldn't believe she fit her whole fist inside me.
(laughing)
I said, "You see, new experiences."
She's a good girl.
That's my baby.
- But I'm never been a big fan of the ass fucking.
I, when I watch it on porn it seems very inviting.
The girls taking it so fluently in her ass,
and she seems to be having fun.
And, the thing is you can't smell porn.
You don't smell porn.
(laughing)
You just watch it, you know.
They never.
And its different porn, its different.
They clean the girls asshole.
(laughing)
They pump water into it until its very hygienic.
I'm sure.
And the girls seem to be so happy,
she's like you got it in her pussy, you're fucking her,
and she's like, "Put it in my ass!"
She's inviting.
It's like you're doing her a favor in porn.
(laughing)
And, and then she's like, she says things, I don't know,
things like, I'm enjoying that.
Keep putting it in my ass.
(laughing)
Fuck my ass.
I love a cock in my ass.
(laughing)
And, and the experience I've had in my own life
has been vastly different.
(laughing)
I've, my experience has been a lot of crying.
(laughing)
Now, although, that can help you cum at times
its not what you want,
(laughing)
its not what you want for everyday.