- [Narrator 1] I cheated and I can't move on from it.
About seven months ago,
I had a brief affair with a much older and married coworker.
We set hard boundaries and never had sex,
but there was a lot of kissing and touching
and lots of emotions involved.
My boyfriend and I were long distance at the time
and had been together almost two years.
We had a good relationship,
but I didn't feel loved or listened to while he was away
and we were long distance and I was living alone at the time
and was very lonely.
There was nothing I wanted
more than to feel beautiful and seen,
and I felt that way with my coworker.
At the time, I was not sure
I was planning on staying with my boyfriend.
I figured he would move back
and we could spend a few months figuring stuff out.
Well, my boyfriend came back home and we moved in together.
I completely cut off the affair and told my coworker
that we were not respecting our significant others
by continuing to talk.
I sought therapy, but I never told my boyfriend.
Six months later, and my boyfriend and I
have gotten our spark back.
We have a much stronger relationship
and though before I wasn't sure
if I wanted to stay with him.
Now I'm very sure
that there is nobody better out there for me.
The problem is I never told him about the affair,
and it is eating me alive.
I am so filled with guilt.
I have read that there are two schools of thought.
If it's never going to happen again, don't tell him.
Or tell him for your own peace of mind.
I really do wanna marry this guy
and spend the rest of my life with him,
but I feel like he should know
the kind of person he is with.
However, I know if I tell him he will leave me.
I really feel like I am stuck
between a rock and a hard place.
Should I just keep going to therapy to work through it?
Do I sacrifice our relationship
by telling him and hurt both him and myself?
Or do I suffer in silence?
I just don't know what to do.
This is so hard.
It's good that it helped me to realize
that he is the one I want to be with,
but I feel like he deserves so much more than me.
I feel so worthless.
- [Narrator 2] The truth
is he deserves the right to know what you did
and make a decision based upon that.
It's selfish to take it to the grave,
even if it means the end of your relationship.
There is always risk
that you will be called out in the future
by a scorned wife or such.
The truth is you'll likely be able to take this to the grave
without other consequences in the relationships
such as how you act in the future.
If guilt eats you inside, tell him.
If you say it in a good way,
there is a chance that he will forgive you
and wanna continue the relationship.
But there's also the possibility that he will leave you.
If you feel so bad, talk to him.
Don't do it.
All you will do is hurt him.
Are you going to do it again?
No? Then move on.
If you really feel that serial cheater is who you are,
then yes he deserves to know what he's getting into.
But this sounds like a very one-time thing
that has only served to strengthen your resolve
that he's the one for you.
Keep it to yourself.
Surely there's other rough edges of your past
you haven't shared.
Put this in the same box as you keep those in.
- [Narrator 1] I'm 21, have let married men
cheat with me so much that I don't trust men now.
I know I'm partly to blame.
But I began growing boobs young.
By high school graduation, I was a 28F.
Most of the men interested in me
that would have the gall to chase me
were older men, 25 to 45,
who were in serious relationships or married.
At this point, I've been with 25-plus married men
and many more in relationships.
All of them have cited my huge boobs
as the reason they cheated with me
and would say how much better it is
than their wives with B or C ups or even triple D cups.
At least half of them, especially the older ones
cited that my young teenage body as the reason to.
Now, I'm 21 and carrying around breasts
I cannot physically deal with anymore.
I love them, but they're massive, and my shoulders hurt,
and I can't find bras in my size in my country at all,
especially under $70.
I'm getting a reduction next year.
I want to find my first real boyfriend,
and I'm worried he will cheat,
especially if I don't have big boobs anymore,
and I'm not going to be young forever.
What if my husband does what I've led other men to do
and cheats with a girl with bigger, perkier boobs
or an 18-year old high school senior when I'm 35.
I know it's not all men, but it's so many.
- [Narrator 2] If you look for a type,
consciously or unconsciously, you're likely to find them.
You have to recognize the traits and patterns
common among the type of person you're familiar with
and avoid them.
If you don't, you'll fall into the cycle again and again,
on one side or the other.
Here's the thing, Op, when you are young and have big boobs,
you are going to be approached by a lot of dudes.
That's not surprising.
What you need to address is this:
Of the men that approached you,
you proceeded to respond to the energy that the married,
otherwise committed dudes put out.
That's on you.
And whether you realized it at the time or not,
not all attention is great attention.
Your cynicism about the opposite sex
is a byproduct of you responding to dudes
who don't respect you, and won't fully commit.
You need to address why you're attracted
to someone who you know can't commit.
A lot of this boils down
to a need to compete to feel like you are winning a mate,
even though the irony is that you are winning someone
who feels free to screw around
and will screw around on you given the chance.
Once you change what you respond to,
you will find better quality suitors.
Good luck, Op.
- [Narrator 1] It's bias.
You are open with cheating with married men,
so you will be in situations
where you are involved with cheating men.
Start nurturing real, meaningful connections with men,
then you will attract men who want meaningful connections.
- [Narrator 2] I am a 37 year old male with a wife, 40F,
and a girlfriend, 35F.
We have been together for going on nine months now.
They all know about each other.
The sex is amazing.
Don't put off all men.
Most use the female and throw them away.
But there are a lot who will not.
My girlfriend was constantly afraid
that I was going to leave her
if my wife got pissed and told me to end this.
Well, we have had our ups and downs,
but we are all still together.
I love them both equally.
You need to find a real man and not a boy.
I suspect my girlfriend.
She is 27, is casually cheating on me with my roommate,
he is also 27.
So I've been dating this girl for a year now,
and we recently moved in together.
Usually she wakes up well before me,
and gets ready to go to work.
This is all fine and good.
We usually have sex at night,
so missing each other in the morning is not such a big deal.
A couple of weeks ago,
I woke up early randomly and my girlfriend wasn't in bed.
I look around the room and then I hear
what I swear sounds like my roommate's door open,
and someone come out and go right to the bathroom
and close the door.
Three minutes or so later,
my girlfriend pops into our room and greets me.
She is surprised I'm awake and seems a little defensive.
I try and play it cool as best I can,
leave the room to go to the bathroom myself.
I noticed that my roommate's door is closed
and his window AC unit is still on.
This is significant to me
because he has a tendency to be very cautious
about electrical use
and always turns off his AC when he wakes up,
meaning that it probably wasn't him
who went to the bathroom.
Anyways, am I being super paranoid
or did my girlfriend just take a post sex piss
after cheating on me
and then casually come back to bed with me?
What should I do?
It's not like they are texting each other
incriminating stuff I can find by looking through her phone.
They live with each other
so can always avoid creating evidence.
I'm at a loss.
This is an easy one to catch.
Get a tiny cam and hide it
to point at your roommate's bedroom door.
They're super cheap.
You'll have your answer in no time.
By the way, your intuition is sounding a siren
and that's no small thing that should be ignored.
If it were me, I'd just come right out and ask her,
"Have you been screwing our roommate?"
Sometimes a direct question will get a direct answer.
You could alternatively ask them at the same time
and watch their expressions.
"Have you two been screwing in the morning before I get up?"