(light jingling)
(lighthearted music)
- And that ain't even what the worst part is,
he didn't do it over a text, or a phone call, or...
He just sent me a video!
A Snapchat video, not even a four second Snapchat video!
Who does that?
- Oh my God, that douchebag!
Girl, you deserve hand written love letters, okay?
- My puppy filter on Snapchat's ruined forever now,
because I'm alone, and I'm so cute as a puppy.
- Or like at least break up sex.
- Right?
- I mean, come on, that's just ridiculous.
But don't worry, that's why we're here, okay?
Because we're gonna find you a rebound bae.
- Okay, like basketball player?
- Listen, nobody is ruining the puppy filter for anyone,
it's too cute!
- Very cute.
You know the worst of what has happened?
I'm a sad puppy now, and my love life just got neutered.
Sad puppy, sad puppy, sad, sad, sad, puppy.
- Okay listen, shh, don't do that in front of anyone else
besides me, copy?
- Okay, yeah.
(exciting rhythmic music)
Hubba, hubba, who.
- God damn, he's fine.
- You know his ears are so symmetrical?
- And proportionate to his face.
- Yeah, that's a white boy worth getting
kicked out of the house for, no?
- Mmm, and you know what,
your babies will be like a nice beige.
You know what I mean, like little mixed ways biscuits?
- I love beige.
- Yeah, just like Chips Ahoy.
- Hey!
- Mmm.
- Hey, hey, hey!
(light growling)
(lighthearted rhythmic music)
Here's the plan, all right?
I'm just gonna go over and be like yo,
what's good in the neighborhood?
- Okay, hold up, girl, girl, back it up, okay?
What's good in the neighborhood is if
you never say that again.
You've been drinking and dranking a little too much.
Lucky for you, I'm here.
I'm the ultimate wing man, wing woman, wing person,
you know what I mean.
- That's not very inclusive of animals.
(light bell ringing)
- You know, that guy, I think he's a solid eight.
- Eight, 8.5.
- He just turned into a 10.
- Okay.
- Look, don't do anything weird, okay?
- Okay, see this is where you're wrong?
Because I'm gonna go over there and do everything weird,
making you look like the perfect catch in comparison.
- Sorry, I was on my phone.
(woman laughing lightly) What were you saying?
- Listen, ch, ch, ch!
You just don't fall down young grasshopper, okay?
- Okay.
- My system is fool proof.
- Is that...
Is that Doritos?
Spicy Cheetos?
I think I'm hungry.
- Wow, you really do need me.
Step one!
Okay listen, the first drink I say, you order, copy?
- (Mumbles).
- That's not what the...
You know, nevermind, nevermind.
You get up (mumbles).
- So Sajee, how do I get less drunk and
stay just as awesome?
So awesome.
(intriguing rhythmic music)
- Oh, good day.
Couldn't help but notice you're drinking a...
- Old fashioned.
(woman laughing loudly)
- An old fashioned, eh?
- Got it, got it.
Baboo, can I have an old fashioned, please?
- You know, I'm pretty old fashioned myself.
Yeah, I still use a Motorola Razor,
and my MSN picture's of Drake,
from when he was on Degrassi.
Yeah, apparently he like raps now.
What on earth?
Which, by the way, is completely flat and not round.
- Uh, okay.
- Step two.
You know, my friend Priyanka over there,
loves old fashions.
You know, now that I think about it,
you two are actually pretty similar.
- Is that right?
- Oh yeah, sure, what do you do?
- I work in advertising.
- What, that's crazy!
Priyanka watches commercials like everyday.
- Good one.
Yeah, I'm not really much of a TV guy,
I really prefer timeless fun.
You know, like a good book.
- Oh my God, Priyanka just like threw away her TV.
Yeah, she has no association with TV or like,
any TV show really.
You know, she just reads, and reads, and reads.
I'm like uh, stop reading so much,
you brilliant angel!
- That's cool.
- Yeah, cool.
No, but for real, I think you'd guys would get along great.
That's my completely unbiased, completely random
and unmotivated opinion.
- Thank you.
(light gagging)
- You know, she's so hot she was Ms. World.
Yeah, she has hot guys swarming her like all the time.
I'm just saying, you should get in while you still can.
- ♫ Something about you
♫ Makes me feel like a dangerous woman
- Step three, give them the bait
and then go in for the kill.
She's super sweet.
(women screaming) (loud rock music)
Really classy.
- Girl, just take your top off, we'll get some service
and action.
- What?
Fine.
- And just super considerate.
(solemn slow music)
- Excuse me, I'm so sorry,
do you have the wifi password?
- You know, as a matter of fact,
why are you over here talking to me?
You should go talk to her.
No, no, no, go, go, yeah.
- Ooh, hi.
- Hi.
I'm Guy.
- Oh my god, you're a guy, I'm a girl.
- So your friend over here tells me that you have hot guys
swarming around you all the time.
- Well, I wanna be modest so--
- Do you think you could set me up with one of them?
You seem like the perfect wing woman.
(record skipping)
- I so am! (man laughing)
Lilly, that's why this place is called Bottoms Up with...
Come back.
(woman laughing)
Cheers.
- Duh.
- Oh!
That's why this place is called Bottoms Up.
I mean, I could try to flip them.
Hey fellas, what's up, what's up!
(loud drum)
What up everyone it's your girl superwoman and...
- Priyanka Chopra.
- It finally happened, I love her.
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I'd love for you to be there.
Wanna try this, one, love.
- One, love.
- Superwoman!
- That is a wrap and zoop!