Punishing children causes a loss of confidence and self-esteem
I know a lot of people who struggle to make even the easiest decisions in life.
It's difficult for them to ask for things they need, say if they want something, what
they like or dislike and they're afraid to say no when people ask them for a favour.
One of my friends often goes out with her co-workers even though she really just wants
to stay home and relax just because she's afraid of what they might think and because
she doesn't want to turn down their request.
This behaviour often comes from a lack of self-esteem that's caused in our childhood.
When we get bullied by other kids who constantly make fun of our ideas or when our parents
don't pay attention to our opinions and initiatives, this constant stream of disapproval can cause
us to doubt our own thoughts, abilities and potential, which can affect our development
all the way to adulthood.
The relationship we have with our family creates the foundation for other relationships we
have in the future.
When a child is surrounded by a loving and nurturing environment they are more likely
to feel safe and secure allowing them to have the confidence to express themselves in the
world.
A child can sense support and encouragement from their environment by receiving simple
gestures like a hug when they cry or a cuddle when they laugh.
How our parents react to us shapes the way we see the world and what every child wants
is to be accepted by their families and to feel secure and loved unconditionally.
But because many children don't have this kind of support when they grow up, we will
show you 4 common ways parents harm their children's self esteem and how they can change
to help their children have a future where they are healthier, happier and more successful.
1.
Being told no Especially when a child is discouraged for
their dreams and aspirations.
Many kids aspire for unique careers and outstanding goals.
And it’s natural that children expect their parents to encourage their dreams no matter
how “unrealistic” or “silly” they may be.
When a child dreams big deep down they know that their dreams may be impossible.
But instead of stating the obvious, parents should support their kids to develop confidence
in their ability to pursue their ideas and figure out themselves whether or not their
dreams are achievable.
At the end of the day all a child wants to hear from their parents is “you can do it”
and “we’ll be there for you no matter what.”
That’s it really.
Just to hear that your parents believe in you and that they’ll support you no matter
what.
That’s all every child wants to hear.
But too often children get their dreams crushed at a young age as their parents try to push
them into a different path.
“But if my mom and dad don’t believe in me then who will?”
“I can’t do this all on my own.
I need my family.”
Really hits you right in the gut doesn't it.
Hearing your child’s desperate call for support and encouragement from the two most
important people in their lives.
Your kids are ready to dream and achieve the impossible.
All that’s left is whether you’ll choose to support and encourage them or not.
2.
Being ignored by your parents Picture this scenario: A child comes home
from school and tells her mother: “Mom I had so much fun today in music class.
My teacher even said I was getting better at the piano.”
The mom in turn ignores her child and continues ironing the clothes.
When she finally looks at her daughter she demands for her to: “Go do your homework.
I don’t want to see another bad grade report from you.”
I’m at a lost for words.
Can’t you see?
Your daughter is desperately trying to get your approval.
And instead you ignore her accomplishments and remind her of her failures.
It’s important to realize that the interactions we have with our children impacts the way
they see themselves.
But in reality parents are often preoccupied with their own lives and project their own
desires and expectations onto their children, which can cause irreparable damage.
Children that face unrealistic expectations are doomed to fail, which causes them to feel
inadequate and lose faith in their own abilities.
These kids often grow up to find out they have been forced to live a life they never
wanted.
They end up feeling unfulfilled and struggle to be independent and decisive.
3.
Comparing your child to others “You should be more like the neighbor’s
daughter.
Did you know she placed first in the district exams?”
Some parents think that children can be motivated by comparing them to children who do well
in their fields.
It's an age old myth that has been proven to cause diminishing effects on a child's
self-esteem.
By saying “oh you should be more like your friends” or “why can’t you be more like
your older brother” you’re doubting your child’s abilities, which lowers their self-worth
and makes them think they aren’t good enough.
Every child is different.
Instead of opening your eyes and appreciating your child's uniqueness, you are choosing to
ignore it because they aren't living up to your own expectations.
It’s time you wake up and realize that this is YOUR child.
You can go around singing praises for kids you barely know, but what about your own child?
Instead of focusing on their negative aspects you should focus on the positive traits they
have and nurture them.
It is up to you to build up or tear down the self-esteem of your child.
As children continue to develop they require positive attention from their parents to feel
loved and secure.
Recognize and appreciate your child’s uniqueness.
Praise their good efforts.
Compliment them on their hard work and encourage them to keep doing their best.
You should realize that every child is special in their own right.
4.
Criticizing your child when they need you most
Making mistakes is a crucial part of growing up.
As kids we’re tempted to try new things, explore new places and engage in activities
that put our abilities to the test.
But sometimes things don’t turn out well and we end up falling on our faces.
Your job as a parent is to be the safety net that catches your child when they fall.
It is your job to make your child feel safe.
Let them know where they went wrong and teach them how to do better next time.
But parents often lose their temper and take a more negative approach.
When your child accidentally breaks your favourite vase, chances are you'll get extremely mad
and yell: “Why are you so clumsy!
Why can’t you be more careful.
Look at what you’ve done!”
But there’s no need to rub salt in the wound.
Your child knows what they did was wrong.
They don't need you to yell at them when they feel bad enough already.
What every child needs in a time like this is to be comforted by their moms to hear that
“everything will be okay”.
So next time if you find yourself in a situation like this instead of yelling, calmly say “it’s
okay… we’ll clean the mess up together.
We have to be careful when picking up the shards so we don’t hurt ourselves.”
Your child’s safety is more important than any material object.
Broken or not.
Safety and guidance is all your child needs in a moment like this.
There are many more ways a parent can impact the life of a child.
But for now please take these lessons to heart.
Be the gentle guiding light during their dark hours.
Believe in them when no one else will.
Let them know that you’ll be there for them no matter what happens in life.
Remember that a child is the most precious gift that you will ever receive.
And you as their mom or dad are the most important people in their lives.
So love them fiercely and help them become the best human being they can possibly be.