- Instead of saying for 2023,
I wanna attract a relationship,
instead set the intention to feel more love.
Instead of saying that you want to attract money
or a higher paying job, instead say
I want to feel more security or I intend it
to feel more security and freedom within myself.
You see what happens a lot
of times when people set New Year's resolutions
or they set goals
is the goals are something that is an external thing.
And the thing is the way reality works
is what we experience on the outside is simply a reflection
of what we feel on the inside.
And if instead of focusing on the external
which of course it's like realities like a mirror
reality is reflecting back the expression you're putting
out, instead of saying, I wanna attract a smiling reflection
for 2023, then you say, instead I want to smile,
I want to feel happy in 2023.
And then naturally the outer reflection
of life will begin to reflect that.
One of the biggest challenges people have
with setting goals, think about it.
People set goals for 2023 or whatever year.
What they do is if you go
to the gym, January 1st, crazy busy, everyone's signing up
everyone is setting new habits.
Habits are surface level.
So what they do is they set a new habit to go to the gym.
They go for a month.
And then what happens
is in February there's less people there
than there were in January.
And then by March it's much easier, it's back to normal
where most of those people have fallen off.
Now why is that?
Because habits aren't identity
and don't come from a place of presence.
So habits are things that you do
when at the deeper core level there's a way that you are.
And if you are somebody
that has the identity of being out of shape
somebody that has the identity of having a slow metabolism
or whatever the identity is
the stories that we tell ourself are what we naturally act
in accordance and in alignment to.
So something that's very important is understanding
that habits are surface level
and stem from a place of identity.
Now the thing is when it becomes easy
to go to the gym is when it's natural for you
to go to the gym because it's a part of who you are.
This is like an analogy I've used
before but it's super simple.
If you go to like the first time I ever went
to Bikram yoga back in like 20, I don't even remember
20 like 15 maybe I go
to yoga and they tell you don't just come once.
You need to come for a week to get a full bene
to understand what Bikram yoga
is and you're in this hot 130 degree
or 120 degree sauna type thing with mirrors and you're going
through this process, you're sweating like crazy.
It's like 90 minutes and
by the end of it you feel a certain way
and they say you need to come for a week.
So then you come the next day and
then you come the next day and then eventually you're like
I'm not gonna keep renting someone else a sweaty yoga mat.
I'm gonna buy a yoga mat.
So you buy a yoga mat
and then something kind of switches in your brain.
You're like, oh, now I have this yoga mat.
I'm a yoga person.
Some people may then go to like buy expensive yoga clothes
like Lululemon or something.
That's what I did.
I went and bought, I was like, I'm a yoga person now
I'm gonna go and buy these like really overly
priced pants that were for yoga.
And I realized afterwards pants weren't the right way to go.
I should just bought shorts.
But I bought these big baggy Lululemon pants
and then I wore those and then my identity started.
I'm like, wait, maybe I had this yoga life is for me.
So then I did that and that was a part
of my identity for a period of time.
I don't really do yoga that much anymore.
But for it, the psychology behind it
is once you go consistently for like a week or two,
you start to take on the sense of identity of it.
But what a lot of people
do is they set intentions not from the core.
They set intentions and habits which are these outer things
that aren't really who you are at your core.
And a lot of what we've been doing
in our lives is we search for things
on the outside and we believe as well there's a story
that if I get the relationship, if I get the job,
if I get the number in my bank account, then I can be happy.
And the thing is
is that puts so many expectations and so many rules
that it's less likely that we are gonna feel happy.
And the antidote or the solution
to this is actually having less rules
as to what it takes for you to feel happy.
Michael Singer in the book
"The Surrender Experiment" or in the book, what's it called
"The Untethered Soul" would call this opening and closing.
Our hearts are either open and we feel love
because we are love and we let every interaction
with every person in our life be an expression of that love.
Because we don't say, in order
for me to feel love you have to be my significant other.
You need to be in a committed relationship with me.
You need to be this, you need
to be this you need to be this.
And as you let go of those rules
and you let love be who you are
you can then be open around anybody.
You can have an open heart
around somebody that you're talking to at the gym
or you're talking to at the grocery store, at your work.
You can let yourself open
and have less rules as to when you close.
And a lot of times the difference between opening
and closing is based on our past social conditioning
not even social conditioning
parental dynamics conditioning.
Imagine that there's someone
in your life that anytime they wear like a denim jacket
and say somebody in your family when you were
younger wore a denim jacket a lot and you have a lot
of negative connotations with that denim jacket
maybe they would pick on you or they would gaslight you.
Then what happens is you're
in daily life and someone else comes
into the room that's wearing a denim jacket.
You may not even understand why
but you might feel a certain way you might close immediately
because that association reminds you of
the person that used to treat you a certain way growing up.
So what happens is there's a closing that happens
and the transformation that I've learned more
than ever over the last month or two
is to actually lean into those situations
to become aware of them, to lean into uncomfortable emotions
and let life be something you can surrender to
in 2023 where you can lean into your emotions,
lean into what your triggers even.
And as you accept them and as you feel them
you clear it from your energetic field.
Let me give you an example of this.
This is one of my biggest epiphanies for 2022, was realizing
that a lot of times when I would develop a story
have this drama around these things happen in life
and how things need to be different, I would then recognize
that my story is something I'm energetically attached
to because it's helping distract me
from a deeper core emotion.
So for example, let's say
and this is something that I actually had
to go through energetically where I would get triggered
if people would show up late, 10, 15, 20 minutes late
you said you're gonna be there
at one and you showed up at 1:20, 1:30.
And when that would happen
I'd get so triggered I'd feel like, oh
these people don't value my time.
I'd feel like
there's this deeper story I would develop where
people just aren't consistent, there aren't an integrity.
And there was this big story where I'd get all act
I'd get all acted up about it, especially two
or three years ago I had this guy
that would work on he was like a handyman
who was awesome but he was just so late all the time.
And I would be getting ready to like go to the gym
and I'm like, okay, can I set you up with what you gotta do?
And then I'm gonna go
to the gym and what time are you gonna be here?
And he'd be like, I was like, can you show up at one?
He said, yes, show up at one,
and by 1:30, 2:00, 2:30, 3:00,
he still wouldn't be there.
And I'm like, I want to go to the gym.
But then what would happen is I developed this big story
and then he'd get mad about it and I'm
like realizing that there was this pattern where I would
I would get so addicted to the story, to the drama
of it at any time I could have just hired somebody else
or I could have just accepted it or something like that.
But what I realized is that reflection came and stems
from a level of feeling abandoned somebody not showing up.
And while I can get tied to the story and I can get angry
about it I can realize that there's also this, there is a
there is a moment between zero
and seven or maybe many moments where somebody
said they were gonna do something and it didn't get done.
Somebody said they were gonna show up
and they didn't show up, a feeling of abandonment.
So I can lean into that and say, oh, the story the addiction
to the drama, all of this stuff and outer reality that's
not conforming to the rules I have to what I can feel happy
or I can lean into that and let that be a trigger
for me to actually lean into and accept the emotions
of what that feels like and not avoid the emotion.
Not that every little thing is like, oh my god,
someone showed up 10 minutes late, abandonment,
not saying that, but in general
instead of getting tied to the story and the outer reality
that's not conforming to how you want it to be.
What I've learned from 2022
and what I'm bringing into 2023 is a new level of depth.
We're realizing all the outer reality is
is reflecting back to me the inner reality I feel.
And a lot of times the negative experience that we attract
in our life is simply unprocessed childhood emotion
that we haven't allowed ourself to feel.
So if something happens where you feel betrayed
that's just something that happened
to me earlier in the year where there was this feeling
of betrayal and kind of
like a shocking experience that brought that all up.
And in that betrayal there was this
there was this addiction to the story.
This person did this, it was wrong,
and this is how I feel about it.
And I was getting so tied up
with the story and so tied up with everything.
But then eventually what I realized is
I can be grateful for the experience
because it helped me tap into the initial core
which was between zero and seven years old.
And feeling that betrayal, feeling that abandonment.
So instead of making it
about the story of this person did this
to me I was grateful and I am grateful
that this happened because it helped me
to get deeper into my own sense of what love is.
I realized that I may have attracted this
because one of the ways that I thought about love
was a lot of times we had these imprints of what love is
that stem from what we believe love was when we were a kid.
So if love as a kid
meant inconsistency and emotional unavailability
we will attract that into our lives.
Something may happen that proves
to us the same notion that we had when we were a kid.
Oh it means I'm not worthy, I'm abandoned
I'm not worth sticking.
You know, someone's staying around for, instead
of realizing that the reason that energy is there
and that relationship there
is to reflect back the unprocessed emotion
from childhood from zero to seven years old.
So in 2023, what I recommend you do is you become aware
of this energy and you lean
into it, you allow yourself to feel it.
It's I, it's interesting but when you feel it, you heal it.
When you allow yourself to integrate that emotion
and you feel it leaves your body, it leaves your field.
But when you get addicted
to the story and the drama you keep the energy alive
and you keep the responsibility outside of yourself.
The truth is, all outer is a reflection of the inner.
And if we take responsibility
for what we feel and the things that have happened
and the emotion we felt and we allow ourselves
to feel it we then begin to let that energy dissolve.
So if you keep attracting certain relationships
into your life that you don't
it's like this a different face, but
the same energy, something to do is
to actually feel into processing the emotion from childhood
processing the emotion from maybe a past relationship.
Let reality show you where your work is,
where your ability to transform is.
Because anything you experience
in your life can be a leverage into a new you.
And some of the most painful experiences
of 2023 for me 2022 for me have led me
to my biggest epiphanies and my biggest levels of depth.
So leaning into this energy
is so powerful and taking on the values you want
to bring in from 2023 is gonna be so important for me.
It's always been somewhat similar to vulnerability.
The more I'm vulnerable,
the more vulnerability and the more I lean
into that energy the more the shame goes away.
'Cause that's the cure
to shame and feeling I'm broken is to actually open up
your heart, takes vulnerability to step into the new.
It takes vulnerability to ask that person out.
It takes vulnerability to show the real you to the world.
And then also courage.
Having the courage to step into the new
having the courage to feel emotions that are uncomfortable.
In 2023 for me, I would normally
in January I'd be doing some big 21 day challenge
which would make a whole bunch
of abundance and all this stuff.
And I'm intentionally not doing it this year
'cause that's what my old identity
the old version of me would do.
Instead, I'm running live events
and I'm finally doing it, planning live events.
I think end of January will be my first one of the year.
And then I'm just gonna do them as consistently as I feel.
But I feel like I need to get
into this new energy and I have to have courage to do that.
And the key is knowing that as you expand that sense
of identity, your identity is in a way your comfort zone.
And if I realize that
for a long time I viewed myself as a YouTuber
so I'd make videos on YouTube and that's pretty much it.
And then I would do online stuff but everything was virtual.
I realize I'm bored with that and I want
to expand and I wanna expand into doing live events
and record that and put that on YouTube.
But I wanna like expand that.
And then my, that will become my new
eventually live events will be my comfort zone.
You will see it in like a year or two from now,
you will see me doing live events
and that will be my comfort zone.
That'll be just like who I am and what I do.
And the key is making
that choice for yourself of what that is.
What is your current comfort zone?
How can you expand it and trust the unknown?
And how can you focus more on your internal reality
of how you feel letting outer reality be
the leverage point and the pivot point
into the present moment and to feeling what comes up
and to not distracting yourself with the story
of what everything else has happened in the world.
And then from there
allowing yourself to really feel into that
knowing that as you do it transforms absolutely everything.
Now, one of the most powerful videos to watch
next after this has to do with the six things you
can do to completely transform your identity for this year.
I made this video for 2022.
It's just a step-by-step process.
It will apply to 2023.
Here's the six steps to completely transform your life.
This episode I'm gonna show you
the six steps that you can use
to completely transform your life in 2022,
I'm sure you've noticed 2021 has been a massive year
of shadow work, a massive year of letting go,
and the challenge is that.