0:09 Have you ever done something really
nice for your partner but then they hardly seem to notice it? Ouch. Or maybe you did something that
to you seemed really small and inconsequential, but your partner went bananas with gratitude. Love
that. Yeah. So this is probably really confusing for you in the moment. But our guess is that
what actually was happening is it you and your partner were speaking different love languages. So
0:33 if you're wondering
what the hell our love language is, there are five different love languages,
they are about the ways that we like to receive love. And those five love languages are
words of affirmation acts of service, gifts, quality time and physical touch.
0:49 And before we go any further, we just
quickly want to mention that we are purposefully not mentioning the name of the creator of the five
love languages, because unfortunately, he has some really negative beliefs that we are just not on
board with, like believing that homosexuality is a sin, no sex before marriage. So if you're curious
about looking up this concept, like we think five love languages can be helpful for couples and
any identity orientation relationship. But we just purposely don't want to mention his name,
because we don't want to support those beliefs that he's also on board with. So let's get back
to the love languages. So pretty much in every relationship, it's pretty likely that you and
your partner are going to speak different love languages. So the ways that they like to be loved
are going to be different from the ways that you like to be loved, or the ways that you
naturally try to show another person love. So we think it's really useful for in relationships for
each partner to know each other's love languages so they can better understand how can I show you
love in the way that you want to receive it that's going to actually be meaningful to
you. So we are going to do videos about all of the love languages, but today we are kicking off with
the best one which is words of affirmation. And it just so happens to be my love language very
convenient. So if either you or your partner are words of affirmation type, just leave me a little
comment down below and yeah, say like, yeah, this is the best love language. I totally agree.
2:13 All right,
well, if you're brand new to this channel, then Hello, we are Vanessa and Zander Moran.
Vanessa here is a sex therapist. And we've been together for 13 years.
2:22 And our account
is all about giving you have the tools, tips and techniques that you need to create a truly
extraordinary relationship inside of the bedroom and out. So if you're already on board with that,
just go ahead and hit that subscribe button and subscribe to our channel. There'll be
like an act of service that you could perform for us to help us feel loved and appreciated.
So this video is specifically for partners of somebody who has a words of affirmation
love language, so in this case it would be Zander Yeah. So we're going to try to I need this video,
or teaching Zander, what does he need to do if you know he is not a words of affirmation person,
you know, to wait until an upcoming video to find out which type he is. So what can he do as someone
who's not a words of affirmation person to show me love in my words of affirmation love language,
3:09 because I just
don't understand. I'm not words of affirmation. And what we will talk about here is going to be
totally confusing to me. It still is, even though I know that Vanessa loves this stuff.
I cannot understand what it's like for her because that is not it just doesn't make sense to me.
3:25 Yeah. So in case the name isn't completely
clear enough, basically people who speak the love language of words of affirmation, the way
that they can feel the most loved and appreciated is through words. So we love verbal recognition,
praise, compliments, these are the things that are just going to be the most meaningful to us.
So if you are Zander, you have a partner who is a words of affirmation person,
how can you make them feel loved? Definitely a huge one is to show your appreciation.
So I verbally thank them for the things that they do for them, you know, give
them compliments about the person they are their good looks, their charm and that sort of stuff.
4:03 You can also give them
verbal encouragement. So you know, just like if they're struggling with something,
tell them how good of a job they're doing. Tell them you know that they're almost there or
something like that, like goes how do you how proud you are
4:17 of that.
You know, so share your feelings with your partner on a more regular basis.
So specifically like feelings of you know, love and appreciation can be really powerful.
Even something like saying I love you can have a huge impact. So for a lot of people like for me,
I'm like yeah, let's say I love you. That's a big deal. But there are actually a lot
of people who just don't naturally think to say I love you all the time.
4:39 Another
thing you can do is write them notes or letters because obviously
words are very important words of affirmation. So you know, a positive note a positive letter,
tell them how much you love them, tell them why you love them. Tell them how wonderful they are.
4:56 And this is a great tip for
somebody who's not natural. Like a verbal person, so it might be easier for you to like text little
things to your partner or send them emails rather than like saying them out loud. Yeah,
5:07 especially especially if it seems totally weird
to you, you're like, I don't know, if I'm going to send them this compliment in the middle of the
day, it just, it's going to feel like it's coming out of nowhere. Just try to set that aside, and
just do it and see what happens. I think you'll be surprised positively surprised as a result.
5:24 Another great thing to do is to
compliment your partner in front of other people, friends, family members, even acquaintances, it
can feel really nice to your partner to be like, praised and acknowledged in front of company.
5:37 Also, just using a pet name
for them can be really nice. Like, Hey, babe, you're a wonderful person. Compliment and,
5:45 wow,
if you still find yourself feeling stumped, you're just like, I'm so not a words of affirmation
person. Here are a few specific examples that you can steal. My favorite thing about
you is fill in the blank. You make me so happy when you? Or have I told you lately that you.
6:04 You can also specifically ask your
partner what words or what complements are the most meaningful to them. But it's not just like,
you know, you say anything positive, and they're going to eat it up. I think each person has their
own things that feel particularly meaningful to them. And so yeah, just ask them what they really
like, you know, Vanessa has given me a couple specific phrases, I won't say them right now,
couple specific phrases that really kind of fire her up. And it kind of feels like a cheat
code to me, but I do it, I say them. And it goes really meaningful. It goes a long way.
So it's kind of like, to me, it feels so easy, but to her It feels so good. So it's a win win.
6:44 All right, now we want to tell you a
couple of quick things to avoid if your partner's words of affirmation. So don't feel like you have
to find the perfect compliment in every situation, I think a lot of people get tripped up about like
wanting to find the exact right perfect words. But that's really not important. What's more
important is for you to be authentic, like your partner can tell the energy that you're putting
behind those words. And that means just as much to them as the words themselves.
7:08 Another really important thing is to
just be aware, if you guys are teasing each other, that your partner may be more likely than most
to take whatever you're saying, literally. So I'm not saying that you cannot tease
your partner. Just be aware that because your partner words are so important to them that they
may take the words that you say when you're teasing, a little more literally, they may
not you know, fully understand that it's just a joke, the way that you might say it was just you
two are a little different. Just be aware and be a little careful. And similarly,
7:41 be careful about the words that you use
during conflict too. Because again, your partner is likely to take your words very literally.
Alright, next, we want to talk about how to use your partner's love language in the bedroom.
So this is an area that we kind of fleshed out within the love languages because we were kind
of shocked that there's not really a mention of like sex and physical intimacy in the love
languages. So we kind of came up with some tips for how to use the love languages in the bedroom.
So if your partner's words of affirmation, here are some things that they might enjoy,
8:12 or so give your
partner compliments just about how attractive and sexy they are. I know this one might seem obvious,
but just try to go out of your way to do this more than you might normally
8:23 initiate sex verbally. And that's gonna be
8:26 a big one. Yeah, be specific about
why you want to be intimate with them. Not just that you do want to be intimate with them.
8:32 You can also
compliment your partner's technique, let them know what they're doing really
8:36 good.
Yeah, you can tell your partner just how much you appreciate your sex life.
8:40 And you can also praise your partner if they do
something that's kind of outside of their comfort zone. Like give them that acknowledgement of like
I see you making this effort and that really means a lot to me. Yeah, compliment and encouraged.
Alright, so that wraps up our video about what to do if your partner is a words of affirmation type.
So before we leave, we have a little gift for you. It is a free guide
called the simple daily check in for couples. So this check in is really useful for somebody
who's not naturally a words of affirmation type because it'll give you specific prompts, specific
questions that you can use to check in with your partner create that deeper intimacy give each
other that verbal feedback and recognition and acknowledgement. So it's just a really great tool
to have in your in your toolkit, so we will put a link to that in the description box down below.
9:25 If you liked this video,
please give us a like hit that red button to subscribe to our channel
and click the notification icon while you're at it so you can keep getting
notified the moment we post more videos. Thanks for watching. See you next time.