(SINGING) When I'm beating up on myself,
but I'm an expert at giving love to somebody else--
I-- me, myself and I don't see eye to eye.
Me, myself and I. Oh, why do I compare myself to everyone,
and I always got my finger on the self-destruct?
I wonder when I love me is enough.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I wonder when I love me is enough.
[APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHS]
I Love Me.
What a great message.
Thank you.
That's a great message.
Thank you.
So this comes out Friday, right?
Friday, yes.
Very exciting.
This song is fun and light-hearted,
and it's got a positive, upbeat message.
There are songs on the album that
are ugly, honest and heavy, and will make you cry,
and will take you there.
But I'm so excited.
Because I'm sure there was a moment--
jumping ahead and then I'll jump back--
that you didn't know if you would sing again.
I think you would probably--
Mm-hmm.
So you were you were sober for six years, which
is a very difficult thing to do, to stay sober for six years.
And you would think you have it.
You got it made in six years, and you're completely good.
And you're not going to relapse.
But anyone who has ever tried to be sober for anything
knows relapse is part of it.
Mm-hmm.
It takes a certain amount of time sometimes to click in.
So what was it that day when you're six years sober,
what happens that you just decide to throw it all away?
Well I mean, I think it all started--
you know, I have to preface it with the fact
that I got sober at 19.
So I got sober at an age I wasn't even legally
allowed to drink.
And I got the help that I needed at the time,
and I took on the approach of a one-size-fits-all solution,
which is sobriety, just sobriety.
And so my whole team took that approach.
And we did it, and we and we ran with it,
and it worked for a long time.
But I realized that over time as the things
with the eating disorder were getting bad, I mean,
over the years it progressively got worse and worse with people
checking what my orders at Starbucks where
on my bank statements.
Just little things like that, it led me
to being really, really unhappy.
And my bulimia got really bad.
And I asked for help, and I didn't receive the help
that I needed.
And so I was stuck in this unhappy position.
And here I am sober and I'm thinking to myself,
I'm six years sober but I'm miserable.
I'm even more miserable than I was when I was drinking.
Why am I sober?
And I sent a message out and I reached out
to the people that were on my team.
And they responded with like, you're being very selfish.
This would ruin things for not just you but for us, as well.
And when I heard that-- my core issues are
abandonment from my birth father as a child.
He was an addict, alcoholic, we had to leave him.
And I have vivid memories of him leaving.
So when they left, they totally played on that fear
and I felt completely abandoned.
So I drank.
And that night I went to a party and I--
there was other stuff there.
And it was only three months before I ended up
in the hospital with an OD.
And ultimately, I made the decisions that
got me to where I am today.
You know, it was my actions that put me in the position
that I'm in.
And I think it's important that I sit here on this stage
and tell you at home or you in the audience or you
right here that if you do go through this, you
yourself can get through it.
You can get to the other side.
And it may be bumpy, but you are a 10 out of 10.
Don't forget it.
And as long as you take the responsibility,
you can move past it and learn to love yourself
the way that you deserve to be loved.
[APPLAUSE]
And thank you, Ellen, for giving me the platform.
You giving me this platform means so much.
And I wouldn't have wanted to do it
with anyone else on the planet other than you.
Thank you.
I love you.
And it was perfect, what you said.
Thank you.
We'll be back.