Holy Beyoncé, Matt did you watch Game of Thrones this week?
Yeah. [chuckles] Yeah. [chuckles] Yeah.
[theme music]
So at the beginning, Marin County was completely under attack by
Jerry Lee Lewis' Great Balls Of Fire.
["Great Balls Of Fire" by Jerry Lee Lewis plays]
Matt: Then Culture Club minus Boy George did not read the
event details of Christina's Evite.
We're here to discuss your surrender, not mine.
I was really hoping this was the episode where Ramsay would just
kinda turn it around and just stop being a dick.
My dogs are desperate to meet you.
I wonder which parts they'll try first.
Nope. Still a dick.
Jonathan: And apparently honey, Sansa Fierce changed her name to Miss PG Tips,
because she was serving all that tea.
You're going to die tomorrow, Lord Bolton.
Sleep well.
Matt: So then later Sansa walks in late to the war room.
Jon Snow's like, "I don't know what you want me to do here.
I already painted X's on all of the rocks."
But then Sansa decides to put an exclamation on that exit with her fierce, new emo pop album.
No one can protect me.
No one can protect anyone.
♪ ♪
Matt: Right. And that witch known as 90 Years Young can fire
out a demon baby whenever she wants. We've forgotten about that?
Why don't you fire out a little demon baby army to help fight?
And what happened to that little demon baby she had?
What is it that you miss about the demon baby?
I miss it's entrance. It's like Cher's third act.
Ugh. Fuck. Love Cher.
Matt: On his walkabout, Hooked on Phonics finds out that Galápagos is GalápaToast.
Jonathan: And then Christina Aguilera and Lena Dunham are giving us
full Hillary Clinton, Elizabeth Warren slash fiction realness.
I never demand, but I'm up for anything really.
Yeah. And I don't know lesbian code, but that handshake was for sure lesbian code.
Matt: I have to be honest with you,
I really thought this was a scene where Evil Elijah Wood
would finally hand out gifts to homeless kids on Christmas.
Then he goes full Jigsaw on me.
[Male #1]: Let's play a game.
[Jigsaw theme music plays]
Matt: You gotta cut left, cut right.
I mean even a gay guy like me knows that you gotta do a little
Rick Hawn, Steph Curry pump fake.
Exactly.
Jonathan: Let me tell you one thing.
That Jon Snow, he knows how to keep that man bun on time honey.
[ding]
And just when I thought that man bun was man done,
Earl Grey comes galloping out of the corner just like Aretha Franklin in...
♪ I knew you were waiting for me ♪
♪ When the river was deep I didn't falter ♪
♪ When the valley was low it didn't stop me, no no ♪
♪ I knew you were waiting ♪
♪ Knew you were waiting ♪
[together] ♪ For me ♪
It was a hit when I was in junior high.
Matt: And even after all this I thought maybe this is the time
where Evil Elijah Wood does something nice, like organize an NPR fund drive. Something.
Jonathan: No, but instead he just decided to give Human Snuffleupagus the rudest,
most aggressive acupuncture treatment of all time.
Matt. Ow! Poor biggins.
And Jon Snow shows he's a great big brother,
because he saved the last slice of Evil Elijah Wood pizza for his sis.
Jonathan: And then in the most clutch girl power moment ever,
Sansa Fierce unveils her new Evil Elijah Wood flavored Beggin' Strips girl.
[sniffing] Beggin'! Beggin'! Where's the bacon? I smell bacon!
Oh boy, oh boy... Num-num-num-num...
It's bacon!
Jonathan: Episode 9 is consistently giving me the most.
It was like they just handed us, not even the cake,
just the whole can of frosting.
Episode 9 is all frosting.
Ding dong, the GD witch is dead, and you are serving me Ramsay Bolton realness.
Nice work girlfriend.
Where are...
my dragons?
♪ ♪