- Hello and welcome to "Snog, Marry, Avoid:
"Part Two," as requested.
I'm Jessica.
- And I'm her wife, Claudia.
- That was beautifully done, thank you very much.
Claudia would also like to you all to comment
on the new shirt that she's wearing.
Looking particularly fetching.
She changed into it specifically so we could match.
- Yeah!
- Because we're matchy lesbians now.
- I mean they match in the sense that,
well, they're green and blue.
Actually, this is just green.
This just different shades of green.
- It looks like blue on camera.
- It does, doesn't it?
- You're welcome, it's not what this video's about.
Instead, we're going to play "Snog, Marry, Avoid"
with some very, very attractive celebrities
and YouTubers who were suggested by followers
of our Instagram account, @jessieandclaud.
There's a link in the description.
- I would just like to point out in advance
that I'm really bad with any kind of like,
what's it called, like modern pop culture?
- Oh yes, yes.
- I don't know who anyone is.
- Interestingly, I look like I come from the 1950s,
but Claudia's knowledge pretty much stopped then.
- No, I don't have any pre-1950s knowledge.
I basically don't have people knowledge.
If you ask me something about a tree, or like,
some animals--
- Okay, you know what?
We will do a follow up to this video
with "Snog, Marry, Avoid: Trees."
What you do is you take three names out,
you choose amongst those who you're going to snog,
who you're going to divorce me for and then marry,
and then who you're gonna cancel, publicly shame them.
- So it's not just avoid anymore,
it's like literally like tell everyone else
to avoid them? - Oh yeah.
- Okay. - We've made it modern.
- Maybe don't do that, it's a bit too much.
- Wait, is that worse though?
- Yeah, because you can avoid them
for your own personal reasons but why should you like
basically tell everyone else to avoid them?
- Okay, sorry. - I mean unless--
- We've canceled that, cancel culture has been canceled
for this video only.
Choose three.
(cork popping) - [Claudia] Laverne Cox.
- Ooh!
- I mean, I'm pretty sure that's already one you do.
- I'm pretty sure they mean Laverne Cox as in
the actress from "Orange is the New Black."
(cork popping) Sophie Turner.
You equally don't know who Sophie Turner is.
(cork popping) - [Claudia] Pepper Potts?
- Do you know who Pepper Potts is?
- Is she the one from "Iron Man?"
- Yes! - Oh, okay.
- Yes, yes she is.
- I'd say marry Pepper Potts. - Okay.
- She's ginger, I'd say--
- Sophie Turner is also ginger, if that helps.
- Okay, well snog her then. - She's got a type.
- And then probably avoid Laverne Cox.
- Because you don't know who she is?
- Yeah.
- I see, I see.
- Maybe I wish you'd get out a laptop
and I can see their faces?
- Okay, moving forwards, Claudia will now
be shown pictures of the people she's rejecting.
Okay, I've got three, I've got three.
(cork popping) Mae Whitman.
She plays the younger sister in "Good Girls" on Netflix.
- Okay. (cork popping)
- Mystique, "X Men" character.
Played by Jennifer Lawrence in the newest films.
- Yes.
- But Rebecca Romjin in the older films.
She has lesbian tendencies.
- So it has to be actually Mystique, not Jennifer Lawrence?
- Oh, yeah, I guess it has to be actually Mystique.
- Yeah, so I would avoid.
- Or, Marlena Dietrich. (cork popping)
- A mixture there.
And when are we getting (mumbles)
(Jessica laughs)
- And I'm gonna be--
- All right, let me guess for you.
I would say snog Mae Whitman. - Okay.
- I don't think you think she was reliable wife material.
- Based on her character, not her.
- Oh yeah.
- On character, we don't know much about her
as an actress.
- Oh yeah, I'm literally just going on--
(Jessica laughs)
You just said she was the younger sister in "Good Girls."
- Yeah, she was the younger sister in "Good Girls."
- You'd avoid Mystique, she's creepy.
- That's fine, and?
- And she's not very loyal, because she changes sides
all the time.
She'd be like, "I'm evil, I'm not, I'm evil, I'm torn.
"I have a lot of issues."
- I mean that depends on what continuity you're going
on, fickle. - I'd marry Marlena,
- Fickle. - I think you'd marry.
- Yeah, I think as the person, I find her
the most sexually appealing of the three
and I will therefore marry her.
Also I find her incredibly scary though.
Like if Mystique wasn't in this handful right here,
Marlena would be avoided.
So much sexual energy, it's just a bit much.
- Also like when you snog Mystique--
- Yeah?
- Does she look as she is or has she
like taken on like--
- I think my dearest that you love Mystique the person,
so you would happily snog her no matter what she looks like.
- She has a form.
- Yeah, her blue form. - Her blue form.
- Is her true form.
- (stutters) Like Awkwafina? (cork pops)
(Jessica laughs)
Who's that?
- Awkwafina.
- Is another like fictional character.
- I knew you were gonna struggle saying her name.
No, she's not a fictional character.
- I said Awkwafina, I said it right.
- Well done.
She's in "Ocean's 8," and I think she was also
in "Crazy Rich Asians," wasn't she?
Yes, she must be.
- How do people know all this stuff?
Sandra Oh. (cork pops)
I know who that is.
And, Tessa Thompson, (cork pops)
as Tessa Thompson.
(Jessica laughs)
- Okay, so two of these for me would be quite difficult.
But I'm not choosing, I just remembered,
I'm not choosing, you are.
I mean you have no idea who Awkwafina is,
so I'm guessing you're gonna avoid her?
- I mean they're all good candidates I'd say.
I'd avoid Awkwafina. - Okay.
- On the basis that you know, you'd have to constantly
be like explaining her name to everybody.
(Jessica laughs)
- This is my wife, Awkwafina.
No, that's not her name.
- Snog Sandra Oh.
- Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- And marry Tessa Thompson. (cork popping)
- (gasps) That's not the way I saw that going.
- Really, why not?
- I mean, it's Sandra Oh, but why, why?
- Sandra Oh's quite a bit older.
- Oh. (laughs)
- I find her like funny and like she can be attractive
but she's not really my type.
- Okay.
- I think she's more, I would like more friend her.
- Yeah, I mean Tessa Thompson is everyone's type.
- Yeah, and Tessa Thompson is like
just so naturally attractive and she's like,
can be, she just seems very refined.
- Interesting.
- And I liked a refined woman.
- Refined, thanks.
I'll take it.
(can rattles)
Michelle Yeoh. (cork popping)
- Who should've won an Oscar or something by now.
- Yes, yes, all right.
Dodie. (cork popping)
- Random. - The YouTuber.
- Oh, yeah.
- I don't know that there's another Dodie.
- I was thinking of the singer.
- Oh! - Like--
- No.
(hums tune)
- What's her name?
Her name is Dodie! (Jessica laughs)
No, it's not, is it?
Dido!
- I'm sorry, your pop culture is so bad
that you can't remember the name of a girl you met.
- No, I know who Dodie is, I just also thought--
- We like hung out with her.
- I think it's 'cause from Michelle Yeoh
to suddenly Dodie was quite a bit of a jump.
(Jessica laughs)
- She can't do time periods.
And Tessa Thompson in "Men in Black."
- [Claudia] Wow, specific.
- The marry is a very, it's an easy choice.
- Who?
- It's an easy choice, it has to be Tessa Thompson
in "Men in Black." - Oh, see?
- All the way.
- Mine probably wouldn't.
I know I married before with Tessa Thompson
as Tessa Thompson, but I wouldn't marry her
as Tessa Thompson in "Men in Black."
- Why?
- Because she's like always out on missions
and like-- - Oh, that's true.
- And she's not like effeminate enough for me
like as a wife, I know that's bad but I prefer that,
and like she's like, you know.
- She looks really good in a suit.
- Yeah, but I don't really go for girls in suits.
- Shades of lesbian.
- I'd marry Michelle Yeoh, because she's like--
- It's Michelle Yeoh. - Yeah.
- Who wouldn't marry Michelle Yeoh.
- I know she's older but like I'm really sorry Sandra Oh.
- (laughs) I know! - That was my excuse for her.
- You were like no, Sandra Oh, but Michelle Yeoh,
you please come, come right through, come right through.
Marry Tessa Thompson in "Men in Black."
I think we'll have some great adventures together.
I love it, I wanna try it.
I think she'll probably be able to find
some kind of alien cure for me.
- She might wipe your mind.
- But it would've been a great time
before the mind wipe.
- You're like, "But I have short-term memory loss."
- (laughs) Do you need to?
- She'd be like, "Yeah, that might do with me."
Whenever my jokes flop, I'm just like (pops).
- Maybe I am married to her. - Maybe you are.
- I just don't know.
- What, you mean I'm her or what,
like you keep forgetting you're married to her, what?
- No, that's why I have memory loss.
Anyway, I married her, we'd go on missions together,
it's fun. - Okay.
- I'm one of the Men in Black now.
- We've been on these three girls for too long.
Snog Michelle Yeoh.
- Okay, I'll snog Michelle Yeoh.
- That's fine.
- I'll snog Michelle Yeoh.
All right, all right.
- Lupita Nyong'o, Nyong'o. (cork popping)
How do you say that?
- Oh, I know who that is, - Is it Nyong'o?
- But I can't pronounce it though, so.
- Oh, yes.
- So you'll know her when you see her, there you go.
Or just Lupita.
- [Claudia] Shaba. (cork popping)
- Oh, Shaba, oh I think someone said that
because Shaba tweeted that she'd never met
an unattractive redhead.
- Oh, I better watch you Shaba.
(laughs)
- I know, she's coming over on Tuesday.
And Black Widow. (cork popping)
- When I think of Black Widow,
I can only really see-- - Scarlett Johansson.
- Yeah, Scarlett Johansson. - Mm-hmm.
- I think I'd marry Shaba, like I'd get on with her.
Like it's fun times.
- Yeah, I could see that.
- Yeah, I think it's chill, down to earth.
- She could, I could also happily marry Shaba.
- Snog Black Widow. - Ooh.
- Because she's quite mysterious.
- Mm-hmm.
- But I wouldn't wanna have a deeper relationship than that
because then it just would be messy.
- Ah, and then Lupita (cork popping)
just gets avoided.
- Just because the other two kind of too precedence.
- Oh, also you didn't know who she was.
- Yeah.
She's very hot as well but you know, snog her too.
- Oh my goodness, well.
- I said I'd marry Saba but she'd be like,
probably want you. (Jessica laughs)
I'll have to ask her on Tuesday.
- Is this a trivia question?
I can't do trivia, sorry. (laughs)
- [Jessica] If you had to marry one of us,
which would you marry?
- I don't think I can answer that!
- [Jessica] You have to choose one.
- But you're both brilliant in different ways.
I will just say for the purposes of this,
I'm more similar to you, so it'd probably be Claudia.
I feel bad, I'm so sorry.
- Gee, thanks, Shaba, really educational.
Now we know.
- It's all right, darling.
- My choices are Max (cork popping)
from "Dark Angel," I like this one,
I put in brackets Jessica Alba.
- See, that's really helpful, because I know
who Jessica Alba is.
- Have you watched "Dark Angel?"
- No.
- This is a YouTuber, and I'm really sorry
and I'm gonna blame it on deafness,
but I don't know how to pronounce her name.
- [Claudia] Alayna Joy. (cork popping)
- I don't know if it's Alayna or Alanna.
- But there's a Y in her name.
- I've watched many of her videos,
I just don't know how to pronounce her name.
Alayna, Alayna. - I'd say so.
- [Jessica] Brie Larson. (cork popping)
- Uh?
- I'm gonna marry Alayna Joy.
I should probably learn how to say her name properly.
- You could just give her--
- Before the marriage ceremony,
'cause it could be very awkward.
- You could just call her darling.
- (laughs) I don't think you're allowed to marry someone
just saying, "I take this, my darling."
It's all right, you're just having your reaction
to my new marriage.
- I am, I'm pretending I'm totally indifferent,
but actually I'm fighting back the tears.
- Really you're like, "I'm gonna hunt her down."
- No, I'm just yawning.
- She's in the U.K. right now.
I am going to, I mean Jessica Alba's really attractive.
(cork popping) I should probably kiss her.
- Okay.
- But then I'd be avoiding Brie Larson,
and that's just very difficult for me.
No, I'm gonna have to kiss Jessica Alba.
- Okay.
- I have to do it, I have to.
What a sacrifice for my part.
- All right, let's hope I know these people.
Oh look, Jennifer Lawrence. (cork popping)
I know who that is. - Well done.
- Helena Bonham Carter. (cork popping)
I know who that is. (Jessica laughs)
Lucy Liu, oh my god, (cork popping)
I got three very A-list--
- People we don't need to Google, yay!
- I do wonder what I do with my time,
like today, this morning, I found myself just sitting
in the loft, stroking Tilly and Walter,
and I was like, "How long have I been sat here
"thinking about absolutely nothing," and I was like,
"it's like 10:30 a.m., what have I done?
"I got up at eight, I've done nothing with my life
"for two and a half hours."
- That's not true, I'm sure.
I mean, I have memory loss so I don't know
what you did for those two and a half hours.
(laughs)
- Well I don't know what I did either.
- Sometimes I just find myself like,
"How did I get here?"
- I did have speech therapy when I was younger,
I find it quite hard to like retain words that are new
and names are often new words, that's my defense.
What are you doing that face for?
- Because I understand you find it difficult
to retain things that have been said.
- Yeah.
- But I just showed you her name written down on my phone.
- No but it's still the same, 'cause like I read,
when I read "Harry Potter, I read her name as Hermy-one.
Because like I'd never heard the name Hermione,
I'd never seen it, so I read it as Hermy-one.
Did loads of other people read it as Hermy-one as well then?
- I don't know.
- How would people, how would you know?
- Please, let us know if you also--
- How do you know how to pronounce a name
when you've never seen or heard that name?
- This is exactly my issue.
- Right, Jennifer Lawrence,
Helena Bonham Carter, Lucy Liu.
Marry Lucy Liu. (cork popping)
- Excellent choice.
- Snog Jennifer Lawrence. (cork popping)
- The right choice. (cork popping)
My choices are, good one this came up for me.
- [Claudia] Right. (cork popping)
- Literally anyone from "Dollhouse,"
Zoe Kravitz, (cork popping)
ContraPoints," (cork popping)
that's my new favorite YouTube channel.
- Oh.
- I mean, I've now watched a lot of hours
of Natalie's face on ContraPoints,
so I guess we could get married.
Oh, I mean I don't think I'm clever enough for her.
- Of course you are.
I mean I don't know who she is, but,
(Jessica laughs)
you're clever enough for anybody.
- Oh, thank you darling.
I really appreciate you boosting my self esteem.
- Just 'cause I don't know who people are
doesn't mean I'm an idiot.
- It says nothing about your intelligence.
- Exactly.
- Okay, and I'm gonna avoid Zoe Kravitz,
'cause I don't know her, you know?
I don't know her.
Also because this one is literally anyone from "Dollhouse,"
and so clearly I would have
to kiss Echo, (cork popping)
it would be great, but also because she has memory problems
and will understand me, and I have memory problems.
We can get married. (cork popping)
- [Claudia] Rogue from "X Men."
- Ooh!
- Wonder Woman. - Ooh!
- It's gonna be someone very average now,
isn't there?
Tessa Thompson, what the hell? (cork popping)
As the best King of Asgard.
They're all like-- (Jessica laughs)
- Okay, wait, Valkyrie versus Wonder Woman versus Rogue.
Why did you get this hand? - Right.
- I mean come on, there's a clear, clear choice.
- Which one, is Rogue like you can't touch her?
- Yeah, she's the one that absorbs.
- That's a shame, isn't it?
- Yeah. - Okay.
- I mean devilishly attractive, my first-ever crush.
Not the human Rogue from that whole series,
that's just not good, but the animated--
- What happens if you touch Rogue?
- You don't have any powers, so she'd kill you.
I mean, you know.
- Well, okay, so I guess best avoid her.
- She absorbs your life force.
- Ooh, sorry Rogue, but she's actually a nice person.
- She's a delight.
- But in marriage, like one of my like love languages
is physical touch. - Hmm, it is.
- So sorry. - It is she needs it.
- I would kiss Wonder Woman, (cork popping)
but I'd marry Tessa Thompson. (cork popping)
- Wonder Woman is controversial,
not the most interesting human being, so.
- No, but you know.
- She's not a human being.
- At least I could still kiss her,
she's still quite hot.
- Yeah, we'll give her that.
- Wonder Woman, you could say I kissed Wonder Woman
and then my wife, every time she upset me,
be like, "Look, me and Wonder Woman made out one time."
- You and Valkyrie would never have an argument, she is--
- I love how it was like, the best King of Asgard
as opposed to just Valkyrie.
- Yeah.
- She's been promoted.
- I think this just said that I would know the reference,
in case, she is the best King of Asgard.
- We don't know yet, she's only just been appointed.
- She'd be amazing.
- Wait, didn't you just choose?
You are really getting into this game.
- I just want this game to be over.
- Oh my god.
- I've got better things to do.
- Sit in the loft and not think about anything
for two and a half hours?
- Maybe I'm pondering on very deep things,
like it's so deep I can't recall what they were?
- Thank you so much for watching,
If you were playing along, which of our takes
did you agree with?
Which did you disagree with?
Who would you also marry,
who would you kick to the curb?
- Were you also Googling every single name?
- Do you also have name blindness?
- Namenesia. - Namenesia.
- I've decided that's what it is called, Namenesia.
- Do you also have Namenesia?
Do you also sometimes realize you've been sitting
in the same place for two and a half hours
and have no idea what's happened?
Because same.
- It results in a wonderful life.
- Oh yeah, we're very happy.
- We're like, "It's been four years of marriage, wow!"
- It feels like yesterday!
- It does feel like yesterday,
probably because both sat in our bedroom just like.
- (laughs) That's what we've been doing
for four years.
If you would like to see more from us,
we're adorable, you should follow us on our Instagram,
@jessieandclaud, also, I now have TikTok.
- Stop it.
- What?
Oh, sorry, I was touching the baby hairs.
So see you in our next video, thank you so much
for watching, don't forget to subscribe
if you haven't already.
Mwah. - Bye!
(upbeat music)