-You're watching Lucerne County
Community Channel 8.
Next, a still image of the YMCA
youth soccer schedule for six days.
But now the District 7 school-board meeting.
-Motion passes.
The name of Robert E. Lee Middle School
will be changed to Robert E. Lee Was Bad Middle School.
Now, we know there have been lots of questions
about the school district's COVID safety policies,
so we open the floor to the public.
Ma'am? -Hello!
My name is Jane Nordling Smythe!
I am concerned, and I am also crazy!
Let's begin! The Johnson Johnson and Johnson
are from -- 'cause Fauci, okay?!
And the factor is only part of it!
But not on T-Mobile! Because this -- all of this --
This is about Israel!
-Ma'am, ma'am, do you have a question about
the school district's COVID policy or your child's safety?
-I don't have a child! And I don't live in this town!
-Then you should not be here.
Next? -Um, so I'm confused.
My son can't play football because they said
the vaccine he got wasn't valid.
-Okay. Well, that was probably an error.
Which vaccine did he receive?
-He got Mike's Hard vaccine.
-Mike's Hard vaccine?
Yeah, that's definitely not on the approved list.
-I told you, Ma! I told you that guy was lying!
Ugh! -Okay. All right.
Next?
-Hi. I'm so mad, I'm literally shaking right now.
Forget COVID.
The real threat is critical race theory
being taught in our schools.
My question is, what is it?
And why am I mad about it?
-Okay. We are taking questions about the COVID protocols.
Yes, sir, hello. -Hi, there.
If a child tests positive, is the school authorized
to give them ivertypacatraz, which I took
and cured my COVID in basically half a day?
-And what exactly is that?
-Uh, it's a hormone given to elephants
in captivity to boost sperm production.
And it's very safe.
My son took it and had no adverse effects.
-We are not authorized to administer any treatment.
Next.
-Hi, there. I'm Mr. Dodd.
I teach earth science at
Robert E. Lee... Was Bad Middle School.
And, look, I know we're just trying
to keep the students safe, but I've looked into it,
and I can't find any proof that separating students by race
is gonna -- is gonna stop COVID transmission.
-Is that something you're doing in class?
-Yeah, and I'd prefer not to.
The science just doesn't back it up.
I mean, not to mention I think it's, frankly, a little racist.
-It's a lot racist. Uh...
And it's also not part of our COVID policy.
-Well, no, I mean, I've got the memo right here.
It says, um... Oh. Okay, man.
I see now it says, "Separate by 6 feet,"
not "Segregate by 6 feet."
Okay. That's my bad.
Bonehead alert.
Well, I'm glad that mystery's solved.
It's been a weird two weeks. Thanks, guys.
-We are so getting sued over that.
Next.
-[ Breathing heavily ]
-Sir, do you have a question?
-Barack Hussein Obama is -- -No, we're not doing that.
Next.
-Jan Krang, J-A-N K-Rang.
This is not about the "COVARD" virus.
This is about the high school teens
who meet in the parking lot near my home
to vape and anal each other.
-Ms. Krang, no. Unh-unh, unh-unh, no, Ms. Krang.
Goodbye. Hi, boys.
-Hi. Uh, we're juniors at Mead High School.
Our question is, why can't we game in class?
-A-Again, we're hearing COVID safety issues only,
but you're at school to learn, not game.
-Bitch. -Excuse --
No --
-Sorry, sorry. It's me again.
Listen, I e-mailed my class, and I told them
the separating by race thing was a big misunderstanding,
and they -- they actually want to keep it.
Is that okay? No, right?
-No. -Okay, gotcha.
And you guys are doing a heck of a job.
You really are. -Yeah, and you are not.
Wait. Wait. Now, I'm sorry.
Are you Dog, the bounty hunter?
-Damn right I am.
Thank you.
As you know, I've joined the hunt for Brian Laundrie.
So my question to you is, do you know where he is?
'Cause I can't find this dude anywhere.
-We do not. -Are you sure?
I got no leads on this guy. Either he's good, or I'm bad.
One of the two. -Uh, yeah.
We will let you know if we see him.
-That would mean the world to me, brah.
-Right, right. Now, folks, this is about
the COVID policy at the district schools only.
Next.
-Hello! -No, unh-unh.
'Cause I can already tell what you're about to do or say
will not be on topic. No.
-Smart lady!
-Next. Yes, you, sir.
-Yes, hi. I want to know what you are doing
to keep my son safe from the lies of Barack Hussein Obama.
-No, no, no! No more of that. No.
Now, what is wrong with you people?
All right, next?
-Oh, it's just me, Scary Gary Loomis,
resident Halloween buff. And I would like to appeal
the cancelation of my haunted house in the high school gym.
It's only 400 actors dressed as freaky frights,
screaming and spitting ooze at the students.
-No, Gary, that room is unventilated.
Appeal denied.
-You gonna regret this.
-We won't Uh, okay. Next?
[ Guitar strumming ] -You guys ready?
-♪ Science ♪
-♪ Fear ♪
-♪ Which side will prevail? ♪
-Uh, sorry. No, I'm sorry.
I literally don't have the energy
for whatever this performance is.
Anyone else?
-[ Breathing heavily ]
-Sir, is this about the school district's COVID policy?
All right.
-Hillary Rodham Hussein Clinton!
-No, no, no.
-I can't believe we fell for that again.
All right, any more questions?
-Let me do my haunted house! [ Both scream ]
-No, no! Meeting adjourned. Goodbye.
[ Cheers and applause ]