(OFFSCREEN) One more time.
How long can I keep this up?
At least one more time.
Yeah!
(SINGING) Da da da da da da da da, da.
[GROANS]
[LAUGHS]
Da da da da da da da da da.
Hey, guys!
Welcome to TableTalk.
You know how the show works.
You submit your topics using the #TableTalk on Twitter.
Yeah!
That's totally it!
Yeah, yeah.
Then don't smile.
I'm so weird.
You can't smile while you do it.
No, it was like-- yeah.
And you weren't smiling, either.
You're like--
Meg's was--
Yeah, you're like-- [CACKLES] I love it.
It's so weird.
We print out your topics and throw them into this bowl,
using the #TableTalk, and then we go to reddit/r/sourcefed,
and we go there too.
I'm Steve Zaragoza.
I'm Meg Turney.
I'm Trisha Hershberger.
@aWickedBrew says, "What doomsday/emergency preparations
have you made?
I have enough food and water for three people for a month!
[GROANS]
I'm so crappy at this.
So am I, man.
And I've taken earthquake survival classes--
Really?
Yeah, when I used to work for Disney, they made us do it.
So it was like, if there were a bunch of guests
that we were responsible for-- like if something bad happened,
and I was on shift, I was responsible for the safety
of my guests.
So I had to know what was going on.
So yeah, I took a bunch of these courses,
and I know what I should have in,
but (WHISPERED) I don't have any of it.
Yeah, neither do I, man.
I'm fucked.
I don't have any alien paste food.
I don't have my big ol' jugs o' water
that you're supposed to have.
You don't have your chicken space dinner that you can get.
You know what I got?
I got a bunch of Slim Jims.
[LAUGHTER]
You all laugh now!
It's gonna be the currency in the new world order!
[INAUDIBLE] Meg's house for the Slim Jims.
You'll have diarrhea covered for the apocalypse.
[LAUGHTER]
I'll have food to last me.
No, then you can just plug it up with a Slim Jim.
There we go.
Perfect.
Actually, last night, you all laugh, but last night I
was in bed, and I was like, hmm, I'm kind of hungry.
And I totally broke into my Slim Jim stash,
and it was a perfect midnight snack.
Hmm.
Oof.
Thank you.
Oof!
Thank you, and I just introduced them to Gavin.
He tried one for the first time.
And he liked it.
He was very-- he lit up like a little kid.
He took a bite, and then he was like, oh!
They have something similar in the UK.
Can't remember what he called it, but--
Diarrhea?
I'm trying really hard--
Just kidding.
Right now not to eat after, like, 8:00 PM.
Oh, this was like 10:30, full-on.
And I was watching that Rasputin Just Dance video
for the 15th time. [PRETENDS TO NOISILY DEVOUR A SLIM JIM]
Sounds like a good night-- Rasputin and Slim Jim.
Yeah.
It sucks, because every time-- I feel
like we've gotten this question before,
and every time it gets brought up, I think to myself,
I've got to just do it.
I gotta just get some sort of survival kit or something.
And I don't, and I won't, and I probably never will,
and I'm going to be fucked during the apocalypse.
Well, and then there's those really tiny earthquake blankets
you can get, that look like they're just foil--
Tinfoil or something?
Yeah.
Except they're supposed to keep all your heat in.
I think you can buy an earthquake safety
kit for like--
Yeah.
$15, but how effective is that, really?
I'm sure it is.
You can get real actual bug-out bags for like $150,
like a good, solid bug-out bag.
You know what I do have?
My Black Window pistols-- my glocks-- they look very real.
So I'm gonna hold somebody up with that.
Mhmm.
No, no.
They really clock back and make a very convincing sound.
Oh, no.
They're weighted.
I thought you were gonna say, I'm
gonna use them to defend myself--
Yeah, not hold them up and steal--
Oh, I'm gonna defend myself with this plastic gun.
Not hold up everybody.
I'm gonna find some jerk who has a bug-out bag,
and I'll be like, give me yo bag.
That's awful!
That's awful.
Whatever.
[LAUGHTER]
I'm not the nicest kid on the block,
but I am the most alive kid on the block.
All right, I'll need to find out where
you live to stay far away from you.
Far, far away.
OK, here we go.
(SING-SONG) I'll have the supplies.
Mega(tro)n says, "Pudding, yea or nay?
Who says nay to pudding?
I agree with that.
Well, how about this?
Let me up the ante a little bit.
Tapioca.
I've never had tapioca.
Ooh.
Because tapioca is a much-debated pudding
in the pudding world.
I've never had it before.
I'm not a big fan of tapioca pudding,
but I really like boba, and isn't that tapioca balls?
So do I!
I love boba, and I know there's people that are like,
(DRAMATICALLY DISGUSTED) ah, I can't do it.
Nope, I can't.
I'm on of those people.
I love boba.
Oh, boba's so good.
Never have boba.
With that fat straw.
Yeah, and you just suck up those balls.
[LAUGHS]
Here's the thing--
In that fat straw, and it's pulsing as you hold it.
And you feel it flow down into your throat.
You know what?
I said fat straw, and I was like,
this is gonna be made into a dick joke, and then you--
(IN HOARSE VOICE) Love sucking those balls down my throat.
I can't have, like, random-- nope, not gonna say it.
Can't have random balls in your mouth?
Nope.
Haha, yeah!
I can't have that texture.
I get it.
Boba for the win.
Yeah, tapioca is pretty awful, but I eat it.
I love my pudding.
I like chocolate pudding.
Yeah, I like--
I'm all about pudding.
Ooh, I like banana pudding, and few people like banana pudding.
You know, I hear pudding is just dessert in the UK.
Like, they call it pudding.
Like pudding is dessert.
Oh, so like you want some pudding,
and then you could get a slice of apple pie.
Yeah, yeah.
But they still call it pudding.
Oh, it's like Coke in the South.
Yeah.
Oh, weird.
So if that's what they're talking about,
I'm actually not a dessert person at all.
Really!
Whenever I go to a restaurant--
[INAUDIBLE]
Well, no, but I mean I'll--
Have you had fried ice cream?
I dunno--
Fried ice cream.
Would you consider pudding a dessert?
Oh, I don't do that.
Is pudding a dessert or a snack?
It's a dessert-y snack.
It's like a little of both?
It's a dessert-y snack.
'Cause I can't-- that's the thing,
I usually like my savory.
I'm a savory kind of guy.
I feel like, for the most part, I
meet more men that like savory, and more women that like--
Yeah.
See, I think that's the opposite for me, sometimes.
Like in Japan, any time you went by-- they
have entire restaurants that are just sweets everywhere.
Don't they have entire savory restaurants too, though?
Isn't that what umami means?
Doesn't that mean savory?
I mean, it's like a type of mushroom, right?
That's all I know.
Oh, I thought the word umami meant savory.
Oh, I don't know, then.
Maybe it's a savory mushroom.
But they have dessert restaurants--
Like my penis.
Everywhere, and it was always men.
They were filled with men.
Hmm.
Yeah, I don't know.
I just--
I just don't like chocolate, so I don't eat a lot of dessert.
So, I don't like chocolate either.
(WHISPERED) I do.
And I don't-- I've never had a dinner somewhere
at a restaurant where I'm like, I want dessert now.
I've never ever in all my life--
Oh my gosh.
Are you kidding?
I don't care how stuffed I am.
When they come around, they're like,
would you like to see the dessert menu?
The answer is always yes.
No, no!
Yeah.
Because you've filled yourself up on food already.
But maybe I'll just look at it, and then I
won't order anything.
But the intrigue is there.
Yeah.
I dunno.
That little seed has been placed.
I need the look.
Speaking of balls and seed and--
Oh, you're trying to make seed a sex joke, too?
I think it is.
Know it?
I love you, Steve.
I'm 14 years old.
I love you.
All right.
Megan Lutz says-- I apologize if I'm
pronouncing it wrong-- @MeganLutz2013.
"How do you feel about Disney making the new Star Wars
movie?"
We've answered that like four times.
"Excited, hopeful, dreading it, et cetera.
Hmm.
We've genuinely answered that like three or four times.
All right.
I feel like I've never answered it, though.
I don't think I have.
We totally did, because when we started
TableTalk was right around when it was announced,
and it was in at least one of the first--
Well, you know, then let's say-- because there's
been developments.
OK.
Like JJ is now attached to Star Wars
since we've probably talked about it.
I feel like we haven't talked about it.
I don't know.
In deep down in my soul, I love Star Wars.
There's a love that will never die.
I don't think anyone can-- I think a lot of people
are coming from that same boat as you.
Yeah.
But there's a lot of people, also, that are like, fool me
once, shame on me about the prequels and shit like that.
Hmm.
And basically any Star Wars thing
that has come out since the prequels.
But I feel like there's a small hope.
There's a new hope.
Well, I feel like you have an interesting perspective
on this, being such a big Disney fan, too.
Yeah, I am a big Disney fan, but I don't know.
Disney is like-- there's things going on in the Mouse House
these days that I'm not particularly--
Well, they got rid of Dick Cook how many years ago--
Yeah.
Who was the head of Buena Vista Entertainment--
But also--
Changing things up.
Yeah, and the parks-- they're making weird decisions.
And like--
What weird decisions are happening in the parks?
Well, uh--
Be still, my heart.
Well, they were going to do the complete Star Wars
makeover of Tomorrowland, and now it's on hold.
And they were gonna put a speeder bike ride in it.
And I've been upset with Disney ever since they
made the decision to take the Country Bear Jamboree out--
I know.
I know, baby.
I know.
And I've never ever recovered from it.
(COMFORTINGLY) Shhhh.
And don't you dare touch my Captain Eo again.
Leave it there, for god sakes.
No, they're taking it away.
You know that, right?
Well, I know they say that, but they're
talking about leaving it there, too, for some-- I don't know.
There was some article recently where they're like,
it's staying for the foreseeable future.
I just realized, by the way, that I was slowly
leaning into your face.
And I'm like, I'm a lot closer to your face
than I was a minute ago.
Mmmm.
(WITH MOCK INTENSITY) I'm really interested.
Face-closeness!
This is called Face-close TableTalk edition,
where we get real close to each other's faces.
But I dunno.
I didn't like-- did you guys see Frost?
What's that movie called?
"Frozen."
Yeah, we saw it for New Movie Thing Show.
I finally saw it.
I didn't like it.
I don't wanna-- oh, good!
Good!
You didn't like it either!
Ha!
Now I'm not the only person who did not like it.
Yeah, totally didn't like it.
I thought it was [? droll ?] and lovely.
Gavin and I were the only people in the whole world
who didn't like it.
I liked Olaf.
You liked the little snowman.
I did like the little snowman.
Josh liked Olaf.
Olaf was great.
Yeah, I liked Olaf, but I didn't like the songs.
(SINGING MELODRAMATICALLY) I'm gonna sing another song!
First of all--
(STILL SINGING) There are 50 fucking songs in this movie!
OK, that didn't bother me, because it's a musical.
I get it--
Musicals have to have songs every five seconds.
It used to have-- "Mulan" did it perfect.
Song, story, song.
Yeah.
Actually--
This was like, song song song song.
Untrue. "Mulan," all of the songs
are in the first half of the movie.
Then there are no songs.
Great, I love the way they did it.
It's frigging perfect.
I think I take issue with one of the songs.
Specifically, one that uses completely poor
grammar and is absolutely--
Which song is that, Steve?
Teaching children the incorrect grammar,
which is-- [CLEARS THROAT]
I didn't know you were such a grammar nerd, Steve.
Oh, absolutely.
Especially when it's thrown in my face in such a way.
Like Catholic schooling.
"For the first time in forever?"
OK.
That is not correct grammar.
And she sings it like 19,000 times
in the song-- for the first time in forever.
And I'm like, this is just gibberish.
It was no "Tangled."
And I didn't like it.
I haven't seen "Tangled," but--
[GROWLS IN EXASPERATION]
I also like Idina Menzel, and she is--
Mhm.
Bless you.
Thank you.
She's too old to play that part, in my opinion.
You should see "Tangled."
I wanna see "Tangled."
I'll let you borrow it.
I have it Blu-ray.
I have it, too.
Thank you.
Do you have it on Blue-ray, though, is the question.
Because I think she has a Blu-ray player.
I do have it on Blu-ray.
All right, just saying.
Everybody has a Blu-ray player in their Xbox.
We talked about this.
Wait, did you say an Xbox?
Yeah.
Xbox 360?
No play Blu-ray.
No pay boo-ay.
No play Blu-ray.
What am I thinking of?
The new PlayStation.
Xbox One has a Blu-ray.
Xbox One.
Both PlayStation 3 and 4 both have Blu-ray player.
And Xbox One has a Blu-ray player.
Next gen, bro!
Next gen!
For whatever reason, I just totally was like, oh yeah,
Xbox 360 has a Blu-ray player.
I guess it doesn't.
They had an--
(IN UNISON) HDD--
Drive.
Oh, that HD DVD.
HD DVD.
That must have been what I was thinking.
That's crazy.
Yeah, and also, on Xbox, even though it's a Blu-ray player,
you still have to download an app, which is bullshit!
I know.
Also, (IMITATING ANNOUNCER) Blu-ray is next gen!
Throw in our new system!
It's next gen!
Well--
Even though PS3 had it last year!
C'mon, c'mon now.
They couldn't go back after they doubled down on the-- OK, OK.
(BABYISH VOICE) I play Blu-rays on my PC.
I dunno.
TheDerpiestDolphin says, "What is the weirdest thing
you've found, heard, or saw in a hotel?"
Ooh.
Oh, man.
You know, you hear weird things in a hotel,
because people just go ham in a hotel.
Yep.
You know, can I talk a little bit
about the hotel I stayed in in New York?
Yep!
This thing--
New York hotel rooms are tiny.
In fact, I-- yeah, and I didn't talk to you guys about it.
Wait, what was the hotel called?
Was it called the Milford?
No.
It was called the Union Hotel.
OK.
And it was fine.
And it was in a decent location.
It was in Brooklyn.
Mhm.
Oh, it was in Brooklyn.
Yeah, and it was fine.
But the room was the smallest thing--
Yeah.
I've ever been in in my entire life.
Tiny.
There's no way it's smaller than the Milford.
Milford's in Manhattan.
OK.
We'll literally block it out.
It's like, you can walk to the bed.
And then the bathroom is literally-- like,
you have to move around the door to shut--
This sounds like the Union Hotel!
We have to compare photos, because it is--
The Milford is literally like I opened the door--
New York hotel rooms.
And was like, hahaha!
I've been to New York a lot of time for gigs--
like, to go work gigs.
And no matter what different hotel that they'll have me
stay at, they're all the tiniest, tiniest rooms.
Yeah, I wanted to do, like, a funny MTV cribs vine,
where I'm like, yo!
Check out my place!
We called it the closet.
Like, let's go back to the closet.
Yeah.
Mhm.
Literally.
'Cause it was.
All it was was a bed.
[MUG CLINKS AGAINST BOWL]
Ding!
It was a bed--
[MUG CLINKS AGAINST BOWL TWICE]
And-- dinner.
Order up!
[LAUGHS]
It was a bed, an entryway into the bathroom, a slight-- like,
I'd say maybe, I don't know, 14-inch space--
OK.
And one dresser.
And that's it.
Yeah.
It was smaller than-- I don't know.
It was just really small.
It threw me for a loop.
But it was comfortable, and warm.
And the bed was nice.
Warm is good.
It was a good hotel.
Yeah.
Warm is good.
Just really, really small.
So what's the weirdest thing you've ever seen or heard
in a hotel, Meg?
I mean, you've heard people fucking in a hotel, right?
No, I have never--
You've never heard people fucking in a hotel?
Really?
I have never heard people fucking.
(SULTRY) Oh, yeah.
That's the thing, is I've never gotten
to be like-- I wish I had neighbors that were just
like, [EMITS HIGH-PITCHED MOAN AND POUNDS ON TABLE].
I wish, but I've never had that experience, ever.
Yeah.
I feel like I'm missing out.
I feel like you never get the, [HIGH-PITCHED MOAN].
You get the weird, like, [LOW GRUNTING].
Like the really awkward--
[LOUD, COURSE, MOANING]
Sex noises that you--
(MOANING LOUDLY) No!
Don't want to hear.
They're not sexy noises.
[LAUGHS]
Someone screaming no.
[SCREAMS NO]
Like that.
You get the really, really awkward sex noises.
Uh-huh, yeah.
I don't know.
Or the headboard. [SLAPS HANDS]
Yeah.
You always think about the whole, like, blood stain
thing on the mattress--
[MAKES DISGUSTED NOISE]
Or the curious stains on the carpet.
Get a blue light.
Well--
No--
I don't know, man.
We talked about this in a TableTalk previous.
It's best not to, probably.
Yeah, don't.
Just poop.
Just feces and semen everywhere [INAUDIBLE].
Just poop.
Ew!
Why feces on the bed?
Pooping kids.
You know what they say is a main offender, by the way?
I don't know if we've talked about this.
It's the remote control.
Oh yeah, that's like supposed to be the dirtiest part.
You don't wanna touch the remote control.
(MORBIDLY FASCINATED) Really?
Yeah.
The remote control is a no-no zone.
Think about where that goes.
Wow.
You could put it in your but.
Maybe one more, and then we'll fucking skitch?
People put them in their butt?
What do people not put in their butt?
Yeah.
A lot of things, I hope?
You've heard Joe talk about hotels, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Especially if you're in your own hotel room,
this is an opportunity for you to explore your body in ways
that you would never do in your own home.
I've heard of boys who do naughty things
to themselves, and then just--
I love the motion you do there.
Naughty things.
[LAUGHS]
Naughty things to themselves!
(HIGH-PITCHED SING-SONG) Naughty!
And then they just-- [CLEARS THROAT].
They just how-do-you-do on the carpet.
Ew.
Ew!
Oh, no.
I'm walking there!
No, no, no no, no, no.
Well--
I've heard somebody in my lifetime say that they just,
how-do-you-do!
I like that "how do you do" is the phrase.
Well, that's-- I mean, I can't speak for all men,
but from personal experience, no way.
Steve, do you how-do-you-do on the carpet?
No fucking way, man.
Thank you.
Nowhere.
Even if it's not your home or whatever, you don't.
And you just don't.
You don't!
But some people do, and now, without fail, I only
walk around with socks or shoes on in a hotel room.
I never go barefoot.
Well, it's like, would you spit on a carpet in a hotel room?
Or would you--
No, but I bet there are people who would!
Snot rocket?
Man, that's awful.
Ew.
People be gross.
Fuck those people.
If you're one of those people, you're gross, man.
[INAUDIBLE]
Sit down and relax.
Let us know in the comments below if you've ever
how-do-you-doed on the carpet.
Oh, man, we're gonna get a lot of bad comments from that.
[LAUGHS]
Probably a lot of not-truthful ones, too.
Sourcefednerd96-- so close to 69-- says,
"What are y'all's favorite accents?
I'm partial to Scottish accent, or a deep Southern drawl.
I think we've talked about this before.
Oh, have we?
Yeah.
I mean, I think my answer's pretty obvi.
Yeah.
Southern?
No!
Not even close.
It's British!
Well, you're from the South!
That was a legitimate guess.
Yeah.
No, it's not like I was randomly like, Norwegian!
Gotta have that-- gotta have that close to London.
I'm in the European realm for accents, now.
But it can go-- but now, I'm starting
to hear the difference.
And it can go real off in left field.
Yeah.
The UK acc-- like, different parts of UK.
They can sound real ridiculous.
Also, I just heard a new piece of slang.
Calling somebody a sigh is like a thing.
Like Gangnam Style?
No, like a [EXHALES], like a sigh.
Oh, like boring.
Yeah, that's a thing you can call someone.
Oh.
And to explain it, I got sent a clip of, I guess,
a movie or something, where they're all yelling at someone,
and someone calls somebody a sigh.
I didn't understand a word-- not a word!
Like, when people have too thick of an accent,
I can't understand a goddamn thing.
Oh, the best is-- I had an ex-boyfriends whose family--
parts of his family were from Ireland.
And they had the thickest accent,
and I could not understand.
From Ireland?
Yeah.
That's cool.
I could not understand like 85% of what they said.
So they'd be talking to me, and I'd be going, yep.
That's awesome.
And they're like, oh, you goddamn Americans.
Hoping that I'm not saying something awful.
They were probably doing it on purpose at that point,
if you think about it.
Oh, it was so funny.
It was so funny.
At DeviantART, I worked with a lady who was Scottish,
and when she would call in every Monday for our meeting--
and you could just tell who was new, because they were all
just like, I can't understand a goddamn word Fiona's saying.
Just like, do-do-do.
It was crazy.
I just want all of them.
I want the UK accidents.
I want the Australian accents.
Yeah.
And like the New Zealand accents.
(EXAGGERATED AUSTRALIAN ACCENT) Nooo!
I want it all.
Crazy
Australians have a great way of saying the word "no."
And also, the people from New Zealand are like,
"increedible."
That was an "increedible" experience.
I like all accents, because they fascinate me.
And I'm always like, just let me listen to you.
Let me hear.
But I think from a young age-- because I
used to be obsessed with Brad Renfro.
He was my teen heartthrob.
Who?
He's dead, now.
Rest in peace.
Yeah, who?
What happened to that man?
(QUIETLY) He killed himself.
Who?
Who was he?
I'm sorry--
Brad Renfro?
I do genuinely not--
Oh.
So he was in "Tom Huck" with Jonathan Taylor Thomas.
Oh, JTT.
Now you're speaking my language.
So JTT and Brad Renfro were in "Tom and Huck."
And he was in-- um, um, um-- that movie with Susan Sarandon.
Help me. [INAUDIBLE], Steve.
No no no, jail.
Something about jail.
Oh, uh--
Prison.
Wait, was it--
A ti-- no.
No, was it "Dead Man Walking?"
No, that's not it.
Nope, before that.
Prior to that.
Drew's looking it up on his phone.
(OFFSCREEN) "The Client."
"The Client."
Oh, "The Client."
Yes, he was the kid in "The Client."
So that was like his younger--
Yeah, I can't picture him.
Then as he got older, he did other stuff. (ADMIRINGLY) Oh,
yeah.
Can we see more?
Switch some more.
I had all of my passwords--
[ALL VERBALLY APPRECIATE OFFSCREEN IMAGE]
All of my passwords were "I love Brad Renfro."
I didn't like that kid.
No!
I had posters of him everywhere.
He was my thing.
But did he have an accent--
And he had a Southern accent.
Oh.
He had a Southern accent, so I was always
like, (IN FANGIRL VOICE) And he's
only six months older than me, so I'm
sure we're gonna get married.
Yeah, I'm just not into the Southern accents.
I'm not into like the Spanish accents.
I'm way into the UK, European, Australian.
For me, nobody can be too Southern.
I can always understand.
Really?
Because my family-- I have family from southern Texas
that's like, they have crazy--
Yeah.
(WITH SOUTHERN ACCENT) yonder, and like,
they do the whole thing.
They have like a crazy drawl.
(WITH SOUTHERN ACCENT) Laundry needs washed!
"Fixin'" to go to the store.
I had to teach myself not to say "fixin'."
But I can understand anyone, like as deep South--
I can definitely understand it.
But I hate that when they talk, I immediately
parrot that accent back, because I grew up
speaking to people who spoke like that.
So I tried very hard not to do that, but I do.
I fall into it a lot.
That's how I am when I go home to Pennsylvania.
When I go back to Philly, I get that Philly "a" sound,
and I'll start asking for a glass of "wuhter."
"Wuhter."
Mhm.
I need the "wuhter shed."
Oh yeah, that happens.
I've just got a California--
Go into the "wuhter" closet.
Accent.
I don't have any accent.
I don't know that it's ever the water closet.
It's always like, glass of "wuhter."
Like, you drink "wuhter."
(WITH EXAGGERATED BRITISH ACCENT) WC.
Yeah!
That it sounded just, like [INAUDIBLE].
Oh, I love that show so much.
D learner.
OK, guys.
[INAUDIBLE] great.
So what interesting dialect things do you guys say?
Let us know in the comments down below.
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I'm Trisha Hershberger.
I'm Steve Zaragoza.
(DREAMILY) I'M Meg Turney.
Thanks for coming, guys.
It's so great.
Thanks for hanging out.
(SINGING) Na na, na na.
Steve.
Yeah.
You drug on, you sigh.
What?