Danielle: Hi guys, welcome to our TV show about how Stevie's a Cancer.
Stevie: Oh my god!
Stevie: I hate horoscopes. Danielle is my co-writer
and puts fucking horoscopes in all my videos and it's like
you worked on me for like two years to get-- to let me let you do it
Danielle: Yes
Stevie:and then now I'm mad
Danielle: and now...
Stevie: Now you want to make a video right
Danielle: and I'm
today on my channel I want to make a video
Stevie: I don't even know what this video is gonna be about.
Danielle: I just want-- I want to make a video
about how your Cancer. I just want to prove it to you.
The reason Stevie hates horoscopes is
because she refuses to believe she's a Cancer
Stevie: I'm not a Cancer.
I have like three Cancer... listen if I'm a Cancer I only have the positive traits
Danielle: How many children do you have?
Stevie: Zero.
Danielle: How many children have you adopted?
Stevie: One.
Danielle: Everyone you meet is your child!
Stevie: No they're not!
Danielle: Everyone you meet you're like, "How do I take care of you until the ends of the earth?"
You love having parties and putting it together
specifically because you want everything to look pretty.
Stevie: Only Cancers like throwing parties?
Danielle: How many wedding Pinterest boards do you have?
Stevie: Only Cancers like to get married?
Danielle: Can I tell you how many wedding Pinterest boards I have?
Zero.
Stevie: Do you wanna get married?
Danielle: I don't know if I--
Stevie: See!
Danielle: care about it really.
Okay let me tell you something about how Stevie handles this... any situation
She wakes up
and she's like, "What's going on with this?
I don't understand anything that's happening.
You didn't tell me about it!"
And I'm like, "Okay she's furious."
Stevie: That's not me being furious or what. That's me just like asking.
Danielle: I'm like alright, she's really really upset about something and I'm like
Stevie here's what's going on and she's like
"Okay, I understand completely," and she moves on.
Having an extreme emotion before you...
Stevie: I don't have extreme emotions.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I just express myself flamboyantly
Danielle: Here are the two ways that Cancers handle emotions:
one way is being like
*Ahem* emotions? What are you talking about?
I don't have any.
I'm moving on with my life.
Cuz they're
too afraid to talk about emotion.
Stevie: I feel like you're just---
Danielle: the other way that Cancers handle
emotions is by being like, "Here are my emotions.
I know exactly what I'm feeling.
So we don't even need to talk about
it so we can move on.
Stevie: I feel like you'll just learned things about me
and then say they're Cancer things.
Danielle: No, I just learn things about you and I'm like
oh, that's right cuz you're a Cancer.
You're a triple Cancer!
Stevie: But my Venus is in Gemini.
I definitely fuck like a Gemini
Danielle: Okay
Stevie: I don't know.
I read like one sentence about a Gemini
and I was like, "Yep!"
I don't think any of it is real.
It's just fun to talk about
Danielle: Okay, all Virgos wake up at 6:00 a.m.
What time do both of the Virgos that you know wake up?
Thanks for coming to my show.
Stevie: Ugh! I hate horoscopes so much!
Danielle: Your argument is everyone does this.
I'm like you have 50 children.
You're like, "Yes but everyone does"
and I'm like, "N--
No! I don't have 50 children!"
Stevie: Yes you do.
Danielle: I don't manipulate with cooking.
Stevie: HOW DARE YOU!!!!!
This video's over!
Literally the only way...
my last resort when my son isn't giving me enough attention
is, "Hey, I can come over and cook for you."
and then he's always like, "Yes." He has to say yes.
That's why that one hurt when you said it
Danielle: No-oh
Stevie: I would say need money but he makes way more money than me
Danielle: Well, he's like a-- a teenage boy who's a Scorpio like--
Stevie: He's a Scorpio?
Danielle: Yeah
Stevie: Aww, I love Scorpios.
Danielle: I know me, too. They're so sweet.
Scorpios and Cancers are both SO sweet.
Stevie: Teach me about signs. I heard that there's like
Cardinal sign and then there's two other things.
Danielle: Oh yeah
Cardinal, Mutable, and Fixed
Stevie: Cuz I'm a cardinal
Danielle: I'm also a cardinal. Yay!
Stevie: Are you an air sign?
Danielle: Yes
Danielle: Why are you getting-- why aren't--?
Stevie: Aren't they flaky?
Danielle: Yeah, super flaky
Stevie: You're not flaky.
Danielle: Pff, I'm not flaky for you
Stevie: Awww
I'm way flakier than you
Danielle: You're-- yes-- and
I, as an air sign who is flaky,
allow you to flake all the time.
Like, as your manager--
Stevie: I hate when people don't allow you to be flaky.
Danielle: Same
Stevie: So, there's Cardinal and what are the other two?
Danielle: Mutable and Fixed.
Stevie: So, what do those mean?
Danielle: um, I think...
Stevie: Cardinal just means the best, right?
Danielle: Cardinal means the best.
Mutable means like, "I'll pretty much do whatever you want to do and..."
Stevie: Oh, gross. I gotta stay away from those.
I'm so domineering I will, like, control someone
so easily and then they're like, "That's not what I wanted at all."
and I'm like, "Then why didn't you fucking say something." What?
Danielle: Right. Didn't you date a Sagittarius?
Stevie: Yeah
Danielle: It's a mutable sign
Stevie: This is how you wanted this to go!
This is exactly how you wanted this to go!
Danielle: I sat down and I said
this is a video about proving you're a Cancer!
Stevie: I don't like pigtails.
Danielle: That was your own-- I never said anything about...
Cancer was like one of the things that
I never told you anything about.
You just looked at your camera
and you were like, "Oh my god,
Cancer is so cute."
Stevie: Cuz I think it's funny--
cuz I think it's funny that it's like this
Cuz to me
how people described, have describe cancers to me my whole life
has been like this like really moody
Like really sensitive. Like I'm a homemaker.
Don't say anything too mean around me like type of person
and I'm just not that.
Danielle: But you are kind of a homemaker, though.
Stevie: I like nice things.
Danielle: And you also like rearrange and renovate
every area of your home as often as possible.
Stevie: What does that mean?
Does that mean that they're birds?
Cancers are birds.
They just like build a nest.
I don't know what you mean.
Doesn't everyone like a nice house?
Danielle: No
Plenty of people don't give a shit.
Stevie: See? But the here's the thing
I need to date people that don't care that much about
decorating cuz then they'll try to tell me how to decorate
and that just won't work.
Danielle: Right, so maybe you should be with a mutable sign.
Stevie: I'm not soft enough
to like be able to it like be like what do you want, honey?
No!
Just-- just fucking tell me!
Danielle: I--I agree with you.
Here's the point of astrology.
The point of astrology is to be like
here's where you might be fucked up
Here's where-- here's what might be an issue for you
so you're gonna have to figure out
how to communicate with other people and like let them know.
You're also gonna have to work on that for yourself.
Also, if you're feeling shitty,
maybe this is why.
Stevie: I'm looking up positive versus negative traits of a Cancer.
Danielle: Yeah, just read a list of Cancer traits
and I'll tell you what's true.
Stevie: Creative. Not creative at all.
Danielle: That is not true. Okay, let me tell you something.
Sometimes I'll get an email and I'll be like
Somebody wants me-- wants you to do a tooth-brush ad.
And you'll be like, "Oh my god there are multiple heads.
I could do a story about being polyamorous."
That is creative.
Stevie: Spontaneous.
Danielle: Definitely.
Stevie: How am I spontaneous?
Danielle: Um here's how you're spontaneous:
you have
absolutely no plans for the next four days
you will end up doing six things per night on all four days.
Stevie: Yeah but the reason
I don't make plans is because I can't remember things and
I hate it when I triple book things.
So I never make plans.
Danielle: Who gives a shit--
does it have a description about why you're spontaneous?
Stevie: Faithful.
Danielle: Yeah, you're super faithful.
Stevie: Aww, you think so?
Danielle: Yeah
Stevie: People tell me I'm not because I'm polyamorous.
Well, people always are like, "Oh, you're polyamorous?
You must have like struggled before you realized it was
like cheating." And I'm like, "Nope!"
Danielle: No. A Cancer would not cheat
just to prove that they're not gonna cheat.
Stevie: I hate you so much.
Loving. Not me.
Danielle: Oh my god. Fuck you.
You're at-- you're so loving.
Stevie: Emotional.
Danielle: Yes
Stevie: I'm not emotional ---oh no
*gasp*
Why is it saying this?
Cancer born are quite emotional people
but at times they might appear icy and separated.
How is that an emotion? Icy is not an emotion.
Danielle: Might appear icy and separated?
Stevie: God damn it.
Stevie: Moody. I'm not moody.
My mood swings are very predictable.
Danielle: That I agree with
Stevie: There is a reason for everything.
I've known so many people that are just like
I'm sad today. I don't know why.
Bitch, no! What?
There is a reason for everything I'm doing
and feeling.
Danielle: Yes, I would say every morning you wake up
with absolutely no mood
and then the first thing that happens...
Both: Yeah!
Stevie: Clingy. I've never ever ever in
my fucking life had a problem
building a fucking fire from scratch to burn a goddamn bridge for
literally any reason.
Someone pisses me off once
I don't want that relationship anymore. Bitch gone.
Danielle: Okay
Stevie: Not clingy at fuckin all.
Danielle: I'm gonna say that's not true...
Stevie: I've never second-guessed a breakup in my life
Danielle: Clingly and protective can kind of join together
sometimes because I also know there are exes that when they're
fucking you over over and over again
asking you for money over and over again.
Being a piece of shit
to you over and over again.
You're like, "I'm so worried about her."
Stevie: Yeah but it's because they're my
child not my ex
Danielle: Oh, okay so how many children do you have?
Stevie: Born nagger.
Constantly complaining.
Negative energy.
The specific habit is producing may
distance people from them especially their near and dear ones.
Danielle: I would say no.
Stevie: I for sure
talk shit on everything.
Like if I'm complaining I'm having a good time.
Danielle: Yeah... yeah that's true. That is true. Yeah.
For sure.
Stevie: I'm literally every single one of these.
Danielle: Yeah.
Stevie: I'm so upset.
So the two times I've ever felt like a Cancer:
One time is when I saw a gif of a crab eating chips.
And the other times when I saw a gif of a crab holding a knife.
Danielle: Did you see the gif of the crab ripping its
own arm off?
Stevie: No, I haven't seen that gif.
Danielle: Oh it's so good!
It's one of my favorites.
Stevie: Why does it rip its own arm off?
Danielle: It's cuz it's stressed out and it doesn't know what to do with its emotions.
Stevie: No, not me.
Danielle: I think we discovered throughout this video
that you are a Cancer.
You pretty much agreed to everything.
You pulled up that list to
disprove it and you've proven every single one.
Stevie: I know. I know. I'm mad.
Am I not self-aware?
Danielle: Interesting question.
I don't know how to answer that.
Stevie: Thanks for watching guys.
Danielle: Thanks for coming to my YouTube channel.
Stevie: Tune in next week where I'll never put another Cancer in my video.
Danielle: You don't have any control over that.
Stevie: Okay bye.