I should be all right here. I've got the best power-to-weight ratio.
I've got the fastest car, sequential gearbox, good view ahead.
And three, two, one...
Great start into second.
Boy, did they get away!
Hundred.
Jeremy's stopped on the way. I'll have to go past.
I'm not sure that is miles an hour. That might be fuel pressure.
It was, so we went back to the start line to try again.
Three, two...
No!
James went on two.
This is ridiculous.
So we lined up for attempt number four.
How hard can it be for three grown men
to see which is the fastest from nought to 100 then back again?
Three, two, one.
God!
Why has that happened?
Is that 100 already?!
Hundred
Why did he brake so soon?
As it turned out, James' celebrations were premature.
He had been reading his speedometer in kilometres an hour.
Oh, cock!
Still, it could be worse.
Ninety-five. Now there's a corner. I'm going to have to do... Oh!
Seventy, 80, oh, a corner.
This is impossible.
James decided that rather than do the test again,
he would show his car was the fastest using maths.
I've got a crib sheet of all the facts.
Yours weighs almost twice as much as mine.
-Yes. Hang on. -Okay.
He is still not doing 100.
Seventy-five, 80, 85...
Now the speedo's died.
It's got a better power-to-weight ratio than the Bugatti Veyron,
517 horsepower per ton.
I was forced to agree with James' conclusions.
So, I came up with a new test. Which car would be fastest through the old hairpin?
And because we were having such trouble reading our speedos,
they set up a police style radar trap.
-Why is everything breaking today? -I do not know.
-Why doesn't that happened to the police? -It doesn't.
But the NHS computer would not work.
There is a man who can print out a receipt for us.
He will tell us the cornering speed.
With the speed equipment working, I set off.
It is not just the pushrod-actuated suspension.
It's the tyres that are going to put me in good stead.
Very sticky tyres!
I doubt he's got a clue what pushrod suspension is.
-No idea. -No.
And the time is... 69.419 miles an hour.
-Is that good? -I've no idea.
Then it was James' turn.
Listen to that. He's gone right up nearly to the red light.
Where does it go? Yes, down here. Here we go.
He went the right way.
He was going the right way but did you see how far he was from the apex?
-How fast was he? -Fifty-nine.
-What do we call him? What's his nickname? -Captain Quick.
-No. -It isn't that.
Finally, Richard took a brave pill and stepped into the tricycle.
I am so screwed here. I mean, the wheels! Those are not wide tyres.
What do they do, the pushrods?
-Well, many things. -They must do something specific.
They don't make the engine go. What do they do in the suspension?
Everything better.
Suspension. Yes, yes.
I have some. Some there and some there and a bit back there.
But more than that.
-They're better. -Why?
-They just are. -Yes, but why?
Many reasons.
Come on, my little three-wheeled friend.
Here he comes, ladies and gentlemen. Doff your hats. Roll out the barrel.
Any old iron, any old iron Any, any, any old iron...
I'm going to give it the full Stirling Moss. Yeah!
Did you see him clinging on with his elbow?
You could see the sinews in his arm.
The sound is from the 1930s.
Did the picture go black and white as he went past?
Wow!
Hammond, James' fastest time was 59.8.
Your fastest time, 60.4.
Oh, yeah, it is! In the Morgan, well done.
James and I had been greatly looking forward to Richard's car
falling over in the cornering challenge.
And since it hadn't, we quickly came up with another idea.
Doughnuts. We're going to see which one of us can do the best doughnuts.
-It was James' idea. He loves them. -Are you trying to think of challenges
-that you reckon my car can't do? -Yes.
-No. -No.
The trouble is I didn't think the X-Bow would be much good either.
I am not sure, with these tyres, which are so sticky, that this is going to work.
It's like driving on superglue.
You do it.
So he did and he was rather good.
-That is a doughnut. -That's James May doing a doughnut.
That is like watching a vicar play poker.
Strip poker.
Then came the moment we'd all been waiting for.
Ladies and gentlemen, sit back now and get ready to laugh your ears off.
As Hammond does a dough.
He's only got one wheel so he can't do a whole doughnut.
How's that possible?
You didn't expect that, did you?
-It was a stupid test. -Because I won.
At this point, we decided to abandon the tests
and do what people do on track days, drive.
This design may be as old as Jeremy,
but if you are interested in the sensation of driving a car
and everything that involves, then you will love this.
I know Jeremy's blathering on about pushrods,
but this has quite sophisticated suspension as well, fully adjustable.
And let's not forget that Caterham now is an F1 team.
In fact, I had only one complaint about my car.
Put a windscreen on it!