[clip] ♫ Gotta catch 'em all, POKEMON ♫
[Adam] ECH!
[Mark] Ahh, Diggin' my own grave!
[Adam and Mark] (laughing)
[Mark] We're done! We can't even beat a little boy!
[Mark] It's time to suicide!
[clip] I don't get, why you two are always talkin',
[clip] and I'm stuck doin' all the WORK!
[Mark] "ALL THE WERK!"
[Mark] "WHERE'S ALL THE GURLS?!"
[clip] They'll never guess it's a trap!
[clip] I can't even tell where the trap is!
[Mark] What. The actual--
[Adam] Hmmm. [Mark] What. The actual--
[Adam] "Why don't we leave?" [Mark] Retards...
[Adam] Why does it matter?
[Adam] It was in the center of the path, right?
[Adam] You fucking idiots...
[clip] Showdown in Pewter City!
[Adam] THIS ONE'S IN ALL CAPS!
[Mark] WOAAAAAAA-- [Adam] OH MY GOD!!
[Mark] Since we didn't have a 10 minute intro.
[Clip] Yaaay!
[clip] Pew!
[Mark] "Pew! We're here!"
[Adam] Ech!
[clip] Pewter City is grey...
[clip] The color of stone.
[Mark] Woah, bro.
[Mark] (laughs) [Adam] Bro -cks' dad.
[clip] Who's this old guy?
[Mark] Big Boss?!
[Adam] Kept ya waitin', huh?
[clip] You mean, you sell rocks?
[Mark] "Yeah, business has been slow this season."
[clip] I'm travelling, trying to become a pokémon trainer.
[Adam] Ughh! [clip] I'm travelling, trying to become a pokémon trainer.
[clip] I'm travelling, trying to become a pokémon trainer.
[Adam] "Ohh? Well, you're gonna need a mighty big rock, if you wanna be a real big boy!"
[Mark] "Oh, does the big boy want a big rock~?"
[Adam] What if it was, like, a snorlax that refused to get in the ball?
[Mark] (snickers) [Adam] What if it was, like, a snorlax that refused to get in the ball?
[Adam] What if that's the first pokémon he ever got?
[clip] Nurse Joy...?
[clip] The Joy in Viridian City is my little sister.
[Adam] "We're basically like the Freemasons"
[clip] The Pokémon League Regional Championships!
[Mark] "I can't wait to lose at it!"
[clip] To compete in the Regional Championships--
[Adam] "You must not be a little, stupid, dumb baby! Hahaha!"
[Mark] "Oops! Sorry, Ash! That means you're out!"
[clip] Uuugh, that Flint! Trying to make a fool out of me!
[Mark] "I'm tired of people, who sell rocks, making fun of me!"
[Adam] Ash hasn't bought a single potion or, like, preventative item...
[Mark] No. [Adam] Ash hasn't bought a single potion or, like, preventative item...
[Adam] Ash hasn't bought a single potion or, like, preventative item...
[clip] I don't need any help!
[Mark] "I'm too busy eating this jello puddin'!"
[Adam] (creepy laugh)
[Adam] Why did they have a butt-shot there?
[Adam] She's, like, what? 13?
[Mark] Did you see his eyes, though? [Adam] She's, like, what? 13?
[Mark] "Hate to see ya leave, love to watch you go--"
[Adam] "AAAAAHHH!! I'M ALL BETTER!" [Mark] "Hate to see ya leave, love to watch you go--"
[Adam] "AAAAAHHH!! I'M ALL BETTER!" [Mark] (laughs)
[Adam] "AAAAAHHH!! I'M ALL BETTER!" [Mark] He's super happy!
[Mark] He's super happy!
[Adam] It's a visual representation of his health.
[Mark] He's got... morphine in his system.
[Adam] "Yeah, boi!"
[Mark] (laughs) [Adam] "Yeah, boi!"
[Mark] "It was great!" [Adam] He's high as fuck.
[clip] So this is Pewter--
[Mark] (chuckles) [clip] So this is Pewter--
[Adam] What the fuck is with that title placement on the Gym?!
[Mark] (laughs) [Adam] What the fuck is with that title placement on the Gym?!
[Mark] (laughs) [Adam] If Reddit existed in this world, that would be on 'Mildly Infuriating'.
[Adam] If Reddit existed in this world, that would be on 'Mildly Infuriating'.
[clip] Who goes there?
[Mark] "Who goes--"
[Mark] AHAHA!! He was just waiting there!
[Mark] "It's what I do--" [Adam] That's what gym leaders do! They hang out all day, doing nothing!
[Adam] That's what gym leaders do! They hang out all day, doing nothing!
[clip] Is this your first gym match?
[clip] There are special rules.
[Adam] Ooohh! [Mark] Ooohh!
[clip] Uuhm, what do you mean by "special rules"?
[Mark] "The loser's mouth becomes my toilet!"
[Adam] Hhh! What's it--?!
[Mark] (laughs)
[Adam] So high! [Mark] "What?"
[Mark] "Hoohh! That morphine kicked in!"
[clip] So let's just get this over with.
[Mark] Wow!
[Mark] He's got a clapper?
[Mark] A snapper?!
[clip] (the pinnacle of voice acting)
[Mark] "Uuhhh~!" [clip] (the pinnacle of voice acting)
[clip] (the pinnacle of voice acting)
[clip] Let the match begin!
[Mark] (laughs)
[Mark] What is-- [Adam] How do you do that into a microphone as your job?
[Adam] How do you do that into a microphone as your job?
[clip] Onix, gooooo!!
[Mark] "Gooooo!!" [Adam] Uuurghh!
[Mark] "Gooooo!!" [Adam] Whenever people yell in this show, it's like...
[Adam] Whenever people yell in this show, it's like...
[Mark] Holy shit! [Adam] Whenever people yell in this show, it's like...
[Adam] It's like they recorded this in someone's basement, and they didn't wanna wake up their mom.
[Mark] Yeah, boy!
[Adam] Wow... [Mark] (laughs)
[Adam] "Onix, use penetrate!"
[Adam] "AAARHH!!" [Mark] Uuuuuuh!
[Mark] Grab that little boy! Give him kisses!
[Adam] "Hahaaa! This means nothing to me!"
[Mark] "Hahaaa!" [Adam] "Hahaaa! This means nothing to me!"
[Adam] "Hahaaa! This means nothing to me!"
[clip] You haven't raised it very well.
[Adam] Oho, wow... [clip] Such a weak electric attack can't hurt Onix.
[clip] Such a weak electric attack can't hurt Onix.
[Mark] "Pussyyy~!"
[Adam] Only because you didn't raise it very well, though.
[Adam] If you did, then it would... work out fine.
[Mark] Oh no! It's gonna die!
[Adam] "HhrrrnnggggaAAAARGH!!"
[Mark] "AAAARRRRHH!!" [Adam] "HhrrrnnggggaAAAARGH!!"
[Mark] "Oh-oh~! Looks like sombody's mouth's gonna be my new toilet~!
[clip] Brock is very good.
[clip] His own talents could bring him much further than simply being a local gym leader.
[Mark] "Oh, why don't you just marry him, then?"
[Adam] "These are all of his children."
[Mark] (laughs)
[Mark] Welp... [Adam] "He just won't stop fucking everybody in the city."
[Adam] "He just won't stop fucking everybody in the city."
[Mark] Brock rhymes with cock~!
[Adam] Ohh!
[Mark] "He likes to dress up like a girl!"
[Mark] "He's sick! We can use it against him!"
[Mark] (laughs)
[Mark] "Break his morale!"
[Adam] "Alright, contact the news!"
[Mark] (laughs) [Adam] "We're gonna get this to the press!"
[clip] I may just know a way, you can supercharge Pikachu.
[Adam] It just cuts to them injecting him with steroids.
[Mark] (laughs)
[clip] Who's that pokémon?
[Adam] IT'S A FUCKING DOUBLE RAINBOW!!!
[Mark] (laughs)
[Adam] AAAAAARR--
[clip] How do you know so much about pokémon, huh?
[Adam] "Well, I exist on this planet, where pokémon are everywhere."
[Mark] "Harharheer!!" [Adam] "Well, I exist on this planet, where pokémon are everywhere."
[Adam] "Well, I exist on this planet, where pokémon are everywhere."
[Adam] "And I'm not a dumb 10-year-old."
[clip] Of course, right now the river is dry.
[Mark] "Maybe your baby tears can fill the river."
[Adam] Wow... [Mark] "Maybe your baby tears can fill the river."
[clip] I have another idea.
[Adam] Heh! "It was a trap! Heheheheeh!"
[Adam] 'Takes them down to his basement. [Mark] "I like doing experiments on little boys and pikachus!"
[Mark] "I like doing experiments on little boys and pikachus!"
[Mark] This is just an excuse for, like, the trainer not just stand around, while the pokémon does the job.
[clip] Alright!
[Adam] Why don't you just plug him into a wall?
[clip] Hey, Ash!
[Mark] "Get the fuck outta here, woman!"
[Mark] "Ohh! Yeah! Yeah!" [Adam] (laughs)
[Mark] "Ohh! Yeah! Yeah!" [Adam] "Uuuurhh!"
[Mark] "Ohh, Pikachu! Take it!" [Adam] (chuckles)
[Mark] "Ohh, Pikachu! Take it!" [Adam] "'Could use some lube."
[Adam] I feel like, conservation of energy dictates that that would not happen from a 10-year-old boy.
[clip] I'm back!
[Mark] BIIITCH!
[clip] Geodude, go--
[Mark] Yeaahh! The 'bro' of the pokémon!"
[Mark] Geodude is literally like a dudebro at the gym.
[Mark] Like: "YO! Gotta get big, bro!"
[Adam] He's all... meathead and biceps.
[clip] Don't you know flying pokémon are weak against rock-types?
[Adam] Yeah, I was about to say that...
[clip] 'Guess I forgot...
[Adam] "'Guess, I'm an idiot, and I never bothered to research anything."
[clip] The pikachu again.
[clip] I feel sorry for it; being raised by such a weak pokémon trainer.
[Adam] Hah!
[Mark] (laughs) [Adam] Wow!
[Mark] "You already pissed in my mouth, don't piss on my ego!"
[Mark] "AAAARRH!"
[Mark] It's not possible...
[Adam] Why?
[clip] Hey, Pikachu! Watch where you're aiming, huh?!
[Mark] Fucking idiot!
[Adam] I'd just spurt everywhere... [Mark] Fucking idiot!
[Adam] I'd just spurt everywhere... [Mark] OHHOHOHOHOHO!!
[Mark] OHHOHOHOHOHO!!
[Mark] Wow!
[Mark] You're an actual idiot!
[Adam] It's like... a single frame of him...
[Adam] (laughs) [Mark] Yeah.
[Mark] This is worse than Beserk.
[clip] (loud screaming)
(┘◉Д◉)┘
[Mark] "Eehh, I'm tired. I blew my load."
[Adam] (dinosaur noises)
[Adam] This is Pikachu's fetish.
[clip] Onix, stop! [Adam] This is Pikachu's fetish.
[Adam] "But why?"
[clip] There's no point in going on.
[clip] I really don't wanna hurt your pokémon.
[Mark] "Bring your mouth over here~!"
[Adam and Mark] (laughing)
[Adam] This is basically just cheating...
[Adam] AAAAAARRHH!! [Mark] AAAAAARRHH!!
[Mark] HOHOHOOAARH!!
[Adam] The most basic of elements!
[clip] Rock pokémon are weakened water!
[Mark] Ooohh!
[Adam] Ooohh!
[clip] Pikachu! Finish it off!
[Mark] (deep gasp)
[clip] My consciense is holding me back!
[Adam] (laughs) [clip] My consciense is holding me back!
[Adam and Mark] (laughing) [clip] My conscience is holding me back!
[Mark] "OH NO! LITTLE BABIES!!"
[Mark] (laughs) [Adam] "MY CONSCIENCE IS MADE OF LITTLE BABIES!"
[Adam] "MY CONSCIENCE IS MADE OF LITTLE BABIES!"
[Adam] "HOW TRANSPARENT OF MY IDENTITY!"
[Ash] "I'll beat you my way fair and square!"
[Adam] Goodbye. [Mark] Pussyyy~!
[clip] Hey! Hey! Wait up! Ash!
[Mark] (snickers)
[Mark] Get used to that~!
[clip] Ash, you forgot this!
[Adam] "WOAAAHH! [Mark] (laughs)
[Adam] "WOAAAHH! [Mark] "Ya dropped it!"
[clip] I lost to you.
[clip] You beat me in battle AND in being kind to all pokémon.
[Adam] (pukes)
[Mark] Fuck. Off.
[Adam] "You beat me in being kind to all pokémon."
[Mark] Errgh!
[Adam] It's a measurable scale.
[clip] I wanna become the world's best breeder!
[Adam] "Will you help train me into the world's best breeder, Ash?"
[clip] I will!
[clip] You go follow your own dreams!
[clip] Flint!
[Mark] "Father?!?"
[Adam] Ah! [Mark] "Father?!?"
[Mark] (laughs hysterically)
[Adam and Mark] (laughing)
[clip] Suzie always rips her dresses, so you better learn how to sew.
And Temmie only eats cold spaghetti for breakfast--
And Timmy only eats cold spaghetti for breakfast--
[Mark] (snickers) [Adam] "Cold spaghetti for breakfast"...
[clip] ♫ Cold spaghetti, cold spaghetti ♫
[clip] ♫ Cold spaghetti, cold spa-- ♫
[clip] Hey, Ash. Are you sure it's okay if i go with you on your pokémon journey?
[Mark] "You're already packed and walking with me, it's the middle of the night!"
[Adam] So are there any fathers in this universe that DON'T abandon their children, or?
[clip] We've hit rock-bottom!
[Adam and Mark] (various exclaims of disgust)
[Mark] (puking noise)
[Mark] (coughs violently)
[Adam] Are you okay? [Mark] (coughs violently)
[Adam] Wow! [Mark] (coughs violently)
[Mark] (coughs violently)
[Mark] It was just so dank!
[Adam] This episode hurt! [Mark] It was just so dank!
[Mark] (coughing continues)
[Adam] You're gonna die... [Mark] ROCK BOTTOM!!
[Adam and Mark] (laughing)