- I personally have never been able
to make friends with benefits work, or one night stands
or even just hooking up.
Because even though I signed the social contract,
my emotions get in the way every time.
- Your honor, if you look here at exhibit 123 A
you see here a signature by Ms. Anna Akana,
attesting to the fact that she's willing to participate
in a purely sexual relationship with my client.
- I see that.
Ms. Akana
in this contract it says you consented to not catch feelings
for the duration of this term,
is that correct?
- Your honor, I absolutely did sign that contract,
but before I did, I didn't realize how handsome he is.
Yes, who's a handsome sexy little boy?
- Oh my God.
It's like Shane Dawson all over again.
- I used to think
that my inability to be friends with benefits
was just my own personal weakness.
That it was just me who was thinking with my vagina
when it came to trying to have a casual fling with a friend.
So of course, I turned to science.
- Hey there.
(laughs)
Good to see ya.
The reason why "friends with benefits"
rarely work in the longterm
is because of the handy dandy Familiarity Principle.
We are attracted to what is familiar to us.
- According to several studies,
facial attractiveness is positively correlated
to both familiarity and typicality.
Meaning we react positively to the known.
Repeated exposure,
especially exposure that is intimate or romantic,
will lead to strong feelings of affection.
- So you're saying it's not my fault.
- Oh, it's definitely your fault.
- Your chemistry's fault.
(laughs)
(upbeat music)
- There was an entire study done on the topic in 2020,
a longitudinal study of friends with benefits relationships.
The researchers wanted to explore
how these friends with benefits relationships progressed
and what predictors made them more or less likely
to end happily.
So the study was published in Personal Relationships
and it suggests that a friends with benefits relationship
only played out how people wanted it to 17% of the time.
The research also showed
that these relationships carry high levels of uncertainty
and they tend to be less emotionally and sexually satisfying
than traditional romantic relationships.
So in the study, 192 people were surveyed
at two different points in time
to figure out what people wanted out of their FWB situation
and where they wanted it to go.
So out of the 192 people surveyed,
48% hoped that their FWBR would stay the same,
25% of them hoped it would turn
into a romantic relationship,
12% wanted it to transition
to a regular friendship free of sex,
and 4% wanted no relationship at all.
The ones who were most likely
to see the relationship evolve how they wanted it to
were those who hoped it would end in friendship
and 59% of them got that desired outcome.
Whereas only 15% of those who wanted it to develop
into a romantic relationship actually got what they wanted.
The study actually concluded that communication
and aligned expectations are critical
for friends with benefits relationships to end well.
Like any relationship,
communication between the two partners played a crucial role
in determining their level of satisfaction
and how the relationship ended.
I am so glad that we were able to stay friends
through that arduous litigious process.
I'm Anna Akana,
thank you to the Patreons for supporting today's video
and thank you to LetsGetChecked
for sponsoring today's episode.
So speaking of friends with benefits,
if you're sexually active,
it's recommended to get tested at least annually
and or between partners.
As someone with an STD, I know that bringing them up
in discussions with healthcare providers
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so much so that 51% of people do not get STD tests
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Well, LetsGetChecked has you covered.
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If necessary,
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just visit trylgc.com/akana and enter code Akana at checkout
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are staying safe and informed.