Have you ever felt like a failure,
like the world was collapsing in all around you
as a husband, a father, a mother, a wife, a brother,
a sister?
I sure have.
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Back in 2006 to 2009, my wife and I
were doing everything that we felt that we should be doing.
We were saving money, and we thought
things were going pretty well.
We had our first little boy coming into the world,
and things were great.
Then in 2008 and 2009, we had the economic collapse
here in the United States.
We realized we weren't prepared enough.
Soon we found ourselves living in a small basement
apartment just grateful to have a roof over our head.
With so many external forces coming in and stressing us out
as we were going through this, I had so many dark nights,
the anxiety, the sleepless nights,
wondering how I was ever going to get out of this situation
that I was in.
This financial collapse was basically ruining me.
I didn't know where to really go or turn to.
I went to the one place that I thought could bring me peace.
And I started praying more with our Heavenly Father.
And as I was going through these financial hardships
and things were really bad, I was in a very dark tunnel,
this tunnel that was so long I couldn't even
see a light at the end of the tunnel.
I knew I wasn't alone.
I had people who loved me.
I had people who cared for me.
But as I was going through these hard times,
I wondered, "God, why?
Why me?
Why does this have to happen to me?
I've tried to do everything you've
asked me to do in the past."
And I figured it would be so much easier just
to blame everybody else, that it was everybody else's fault
that I was in this situation.
What I soon realized was this: that all my previous actions
had consequences.
And I had to face up to the fact that I
was the one who made these choices
and decisions in the past, that I'm the one that
made stupid decisions and decided to buy things
that weren't really necessary.
As I was going through these difficult times,
I went to individuals that I knew
who had gone through some very similar experiences,
individuals who had had hard times
and were able to come out of those hard times.
I found a lot of comfort.
I found a lot of peace and learning through--from other
people.
One of the things that one of my friends mentioned to me
was something that was very simple:
"I want you to write down 50 things a day
that you are grateful for.
What you write down on day one, you cannot write down on day
two.
What you write down in the first two days,
you cannot write any of those things down on day three.
And I want you to go through these ten days.
As you go through these ten days,
I want you to think about all of the blessings
that you have been given."
What I realized at the end of the ten days
was this: that no matter how hard
a life is, no matter how difficult it is, that I still
had so many blessings.
The things that mattered to me most, I still had.
I still had a roof over my head.
I still had my wife.
I still had my little boy.
Bye, son, I love you.
Bye, I love you.
But I was still in this dark, long tunnel
that I had been working at for years,
and I felt like I would never be able to get out.
And then my friend came to me and said, "Richard, you've
gone through some very difficult times.
You still have those sleepless nights.
But one of the things that you have to do
is this: you have to learn how to love
yourself no matter the choices, decisions that have been made.
I want you to go out and do things every day
that's going to make you happy.
Whether that's taking your kids for a walk,
whether that's going to the park,
whether it's going up the canyon and enjoying time in nature,
I want you to do something daily that's
going to help you realize that you have worth."
See, I remembered when I was a little boy that there
was a poster that hung in my room that said,
"I know I'm somebody because God don't make no junk."
When I was experiencing this, I soon
found myself that I was a lot happier, that things
were getting better.
He said, "It's great that you're doing better,
but what about those that are closest to you
that still might be struggling?
You need to make sure that things are good with them."
And as I went and made sure I was equally
yoked with my wife and my little boy and those
that I was closest to, things started changing.
I found peace, and the darkness and the anxiety was lifted.
I remember one time as I opened up my scriptures that there
was a verse that said, "You can either humble yourself,
or you can be compelled to be humble."
I realized I couldn't change any of the choices and decisions
that happened in the past.
The only thing I could change is what I would do going forward.
I had read that our Savior fasted and prayed for strength.
And I went for over four and a half years
fasting and praying every Saturday night
that I could have the peace, the comfort, the guidance
that I needed to get to where I wanted to go.
I remembered there was a quote that I
had read from President Hinckley that said this:
"Pray as though everything depends on God,
and work as though everything depends on you."
And that's exactly what I went out and did.
I knew our Savior was there for us to be able to help us.
After a long seven and a half years, I finally got to the end
where I was basically out of that tunnel.
It was the hardest thing I had ever done,
hardest thing I've still done to this point in my life,
but I would not change it.
See, it was during those seven and a half years, the trials
that I went through, I realized that
no matter how high that mountain was, no matter
how big those obstacles are, that we can overcome those.
I'm so grateful I went through those challenges.
I was able to learn so many things as I went through and I
was tested and tried--that it was the only way that I could
learn those things instead of pushing God out of my life
and edging Him out and blaming everything on Him that had
happened to me years before.
That He decided to take those trials
and use it as an opportunity to become closer
to be able to become more of the person that He wants me to be,
to be able to learn how to be more kind,
learn how to be more loving.
No matter the challenges, no matter
the difficulties that come, remember this:
I know I'm somebody because God don't make no junk.
He loves you.
He wants you to be happy.
And He wants you to become closer to Him
to have the peace that you need at this time in your life.
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