Think you're the only one who deals with ghosting?
Think again today just to prove it happens to everyone.
I'm going to tell you the worst ghosting story of my dating life and how I responded to it.
Don't forget to download the first chapter of my book from the description below.
Hit the subscribe button with the little bell and I'll see you on the other side of this.
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I want this to be an open, authentic channel and I thought today to help that.
I would give you a story from my own volt about the worst ghosting experience of my
dating life.
Haven't seen other coaches do this and I thought it'd be cool for you to here to show it happens
to everyone.
The story begins at a place called Toowoomba.
Now, Toowoomba's, not the city I live in.
It's a city that's about 130 miles West of where I live and it has a little bit of a
reputation here in Queensland.
I was invited out there by Bad Boys Australia and they said, Hey, would you like to do a
show?
Would you like to do a strip show?
So I head out to Toowoomba and we do the show.
Show goes well, got my kid off successfully, talk some audience members and then head back
out.
I pack up my things in this big duffle bag, throw the duffel bag over my shoulder.
And to be honest, I'm pretty tight and I'm ready to be done by 10:30 heading towards
the door where the other fellows are waiting and they're sort of mingling, doing their
thing.
We're all getting ready to go.
And I thought, no, you know what?
Before I leave I'll say thank you to the DJ.
So I head over and I head through this VIP booth and there's a couple of people waiting
to talk to the DJ.
So I've stopped kind of in a semi-queue thing and I'm standing there and I turned to my
left and there is an absolute bombshell standing next to me.
For the sake of the story we'll call her El.
And I got chatting to El. her energy was absolutely intoxicating.
In fact, I've never, even to this day, I've never felt this sort of chemistry on meeting
someone.
You know, I'm not really big for the whole love at first sight thing.
That's, that's not my thing.
But in terms of chemistry at first sight, this was off the charts.
Within a few minutes I asked her if she was single.
She was, and I knew then I'm not going home at least yet with the fellows.
So I tell the fellows to take off and I invite El to sit in the booth with me and the chemistry
only got better from there.
So she told me a really cool story about how she'd got out of a previous bad relationship,
and how she had to pull a standards and stuff together.
Pretty soon we kissed and she was a phenomenal kisser.
I'm an absolute sucker for good kisses and she was one of the best and you know, we're
getting closer and closer together and the nights, the night's going brilliantly.
Pretty soon it's after 11 and I said, look, let's get outta here.
Do you want to come with me?
She said, yeah, right, let's, let's head out.
Let's see how things happen.
We ended up heading back to the hotel and we shared an incredibly passionate, beautiful,
night together, kinda that falling asleep in each other's arms, all the chemistry, all
the things it was, it was beautiful.
Head back the next morning.
Her mum was actually in town.
I didn't obviously meet her mom, but her mom was in town, so she ended up heading back
to her mom's hotel and she called a cab and I drove myself home.
Within half an hour, she'd sent me a kiss emoji.
I reciprocated, and from there the contact basically continued.
Now one thing I didn't mention, she was not from Toowoomba either.
She was actually from Melbourne, so it was a guy from Brisbane, 130 miles away, and a
woman from Melbourne 1500 miles away meeting in a third city.
So she flew back.
She had a job down there.
Interestingly though, she actually had a job where she flew around the country pretty regularly,
and during that night we spent together or the next morning, we're already so excited
for this connection that we'd found we were planning to when we're next going to see each
other and in fact, she was up in about four weeks time, so we're already getting excited
for this.
The texting begins and it goes in both directions.
I can't stop thinking about that night, can't stop thinking about the way you made me feel,
can't believe I met someone who feels like such an equal to me.
It was just the chemistry was on fire and this, this continued spectacularly for the
next couple of weeks, talking on the phone fairly regularly as well.
About two weeks before she came, I started to notice little inconsistencies, never big
things, but it was always the same pattern.
She would say she was going to do something, then not do it and then a bit later on apologize
and give a really good explanation as to why she didn't do it.
It was just little things and to be honest, I thought I was overthinking them when they
happen.
The first one, she's like, Hey, I'm heading out.
I'll send you a photo of my dress or whatever she was wearing.
I thought, yep, great.
Can't wait to see it.
And then the photo never came.
I thought, okay, well that's weird.
I guess you could be hooking up with someone else.
That's cool.
She's allowed to do that, but instead of doing that at the end of the night, I'd get a text,
Hey, sorry, I didn't text you earlier.
It was such a big night, lying in bed, can't stop thinking about you, can't wait to see
you - the dip and then the big rise.
This happened a couple more times, just little things I remember on the phone once and she
said, have got to call my friend.
I'll give you a call back a bit later.
Call back didn't come, and then later she'd go, Oh, I'm so sorry I didn't call you back.
My friend had to do this big talk.
It always seemed like a reasonable reason.
One other time I remember she said, Hey, I'll call you this evening.
Didn't call and I said, that was when I called her on.
I said, Hey, look, like if you're not going to call, that's fine.
Just don't say you are.
And she said, Oh, I'm sorry, a massive thing fell down at work.
I almost lost my job and I was like, Oh and I felt like the bad person because I'm going,
wow, put too much pressure on this situation.
Anyway, I had these slight, slight nagging doubts and she comes to visit and I was so
high in dopamine, it's like I can remember fricking every detail of driving to pick her
up.
And the moment she got in the car, all my doubts about her vanished.
The chemistry was ridiculous.
Again, she seemed so enthusiastic to see me.
She was talking about how much she'd been looking forward to it and we basically spent
the next three days straight together.
So we had to work a little bit in this time, but somehow we've managed to kind of coordinate
our schedules such that work was pretty minimal and we went on multiple dates throughout this
time.
Just got along better and better.
And I remember thinking to myself, you've got to stop doubting this, Mark.
As I drove her back to the airport on the way home, her next visit wouldn't be for five
or six weeks.
As I drove her back to the airport on the way home, I remember thinking, she is so strong
in person, you know this chemistry is so strong.
She is so genuine and authentic and open to you in person.
You know, if she is seeing other people, there's no way she's serious about them.
She is just so into you.
You know everything I knew about body language and words and vulnerability, it was all consistently
communicating the same thing and I remember I thought to myself as I drove her to the
airport, I said, remember this if she does get a bit useless again with her texting because
this was real and whatever weird flakiness might be happening over texting, this is,
you know, don't doubt this again Mark, and I continued, I continue with that mindset.
She flew back to Melbourne and I went back to doing my own thing and the pattern basically
continued.
She was again very warm over texts with these weird occasional things where she'd say she
was going to do something, not do it, and then have a genuine apology and a great reason
for not doing it later.
Some stuff went down with her.
It was, she was a little bit stressful and this sort of happened about a week before
she was set to come up and visit for the second time.
This time she'd be up for five days and we'd scheduled in about two or three of those to
see, to see each other while she had a bit of family up here on the Gold Coast to see
on those other days.
So I'm excited for her to come.
She seems very excited to come and with, she's sending me texts to kind of wait to see you,
been looking forward to this, all these things the week before.
And I'm of course reciprocating, can't wait to see you too.
So she flies up on the Friday, she flies up on the Friday, and I thought it was a little
odd that she didn't message me when she arrived.
Maybe that's just the way she is.
I know I went on arrival at the airport would be excitedly messaging the person that I'm
there for.
So I thought was a little odd.
Later that evening again, beautiful text comes through.
She said, Hey, just spent the whole night with my family having such a wonderful night.
Can't stop thinking about the way you make me feel and can't wait to see you
Again, my doubts would cloud, I assumed I was overthinking things and I was excited
to see her the next day where we'd organized to meet without yet setting an exact time,
but we sort of said mid, mid to late morning, possibly around the middle of the day.
So I head down to the Gold Coast, which is about an hour drive to go for a meeting.
I was actually with my, the guy behind the camera, I was with Matty and I had a meeting
with him and then I was set to meet El afterwards.
I finished up with Matty about 11 and hadn't heard from her.
I thought, jeez, not this again.
Send her a text, Hey, how are you doing?
And then gave her a quick call and she didn't pick up, the phone rang out.
So now I'm going, what is happening here?
And I wasn't sure what to do.
Do I drive back an hour to Brisbane and then have to drive back down again?
That would be annoying.
Or do I sit here and wait for her?
That was annoying too.
I'm just going, why can't this woman communicate?
And so in the end I decided, all right, I'm in a pretty productive, I'm going to go to
the library.
So I went to the library and got some work done.
That was a pretty good decision.
And again, about an hour later she messages and I think she called at that point and she
said, Hey, I'm so sorry I missed your call.
I was out at lunch.
Um, can't wait to see you.
Are you free now or soon?
I'm like, alright, I guess she's keen again.
So I head over and again, she, as I'm on my way, she texts can't wait to see you, kiss
emoji.
I'm going, alright, well she seems enthusiastic.
Maybe I'm just imagining all this terrible communication again.
We catch up and she's warm.
Perhaps not quite as warm as she was the last weekend, but warm into me.
We go on a date, we had around time zone.
Have an arcade, have a bunch of fun there.
And then we head down to the beach, we're taking couple of photos and I say to her,
okay, so what's what's plans for the next few days?
And she says, okay, look, I've had something come up for tonight and I hate, hate, hate
doing this to you.
And I'm thinking, alright, here we go.
She says, I have a friend who's up here that I haven't seen since grade 10 and she's leaving
the coast tomorrow.
Would you hate me if I had dinner with her and saw you instead on Sunday night and we
can spend that night down here?
And look, yeah, I'd be lying to say I wasn't disappointed.
But again, her reasoning was perfectly reasonable.
I had no reason to suspect she was seeing another guy up here cause she didn't even
live up here.
And wanting to catch up with an old friend is perfectly reasonable.
So I said, yeah, no, you should catch up with your friend.
That's cool.
We can, we can spend that night together.
So I walked back to a hotel after this date.
I've said, all right, I'm gonna bio.
She said, no, I want to walk you back to your car.
I said, that's really not necessary.
Says no, no.
I want to walk you back to your car.
All right.
We walked back to our car and we kissed goodbye.
She said, I can't wait to see you again.
and I said, I can't wait to see you too.
But I had this sinking fricking feeling at this stage.
I drive off.
She waves me off and that was the last time I ever saw her.
Now, the contact did continue.
She actually texted that night making sure I made it okay.
So she was obviously thinking about it and then I didn't actually get that text till
the next morning and I texted.
Yeah, thanks.
Got home all good.
I actually had some good news.
I've got a new client that morning, so it was really excited and texted her.
She didn't get back to me at all that day and at this point I kind of knew things are
in trouble.
I got a text from her the next day where she said, Hey, I'm so sorry.
I went down to Byron Bay last night, spent some time down there, didn't take my charger
with me.
Um, I've been having a think and cause she was staying with her family and she said,
I've been having a think it's probably best if you and the fam don't meet quite yet.
I hope that's okay and I hope you don't hate me.
Um, you know, I'm still like looking forward to chatting and I hope you have an amazing
day.
And obviously, I was disappointed, but I understood and I said, yep, you know, it's totally up
to you.
I really do hope that we get to keep chatting.
I really enjoyed connecting with you, and again, didn't respond till the next day.
At this point, she caught her flight home and I'm going, what the hell man?
Like what happened here?
And she texts me, she says, Hey, I made it back to Sydney.
All well, I'm so sorry.
I've been so useless the past few days, going to give you a call tomorrow that you know
what's been happening.
I said, great, thank you for apologizing because now I knew I wasn't imagining it.
Say, great, thank you so much for apologizing.
I'm looking forward to chatting tomorrow and hearing all about it.
And I never heard from her again.
The dating coach had been ghosted and to be honest with you, this hit me pretty hard,
harder than I care to admit.
I cried over it more than once and the addictive pattern of the on in person and off when not
plus the signals where she seems so warm.
Even the night she arrived on the Gold Coast completely threw me.
I just didn't see this one coming at all.
And you know, arguably, I could have chased her up, but I want someone who's motivated
to come to me to, motivated to be into my, in my life.
And if they stuff up, I want them motivated to explain themselves and I'm not going to
keep giving someone attention who doesn't give the attention back to me.
In hindsight, I probably should've seen some of the early red flags, some of the earlier
consistencies, but I didn't, and I got overly emotionally invested and pretty ghosted.
Now, this is important.
This is really important.
I will be deleting any negative comments towards her at the bottom of the video cause this
is not about any negativity towards her.
In fact, I think she was a phenomenal, amazing woman and I think probably some stuff came
up for her, probably around an ex that wanted things back together.
I suspect, it doesn't matter.
It's speculation.
The point is I'm sure she had her own fears and things that went on with her, and that
she didn't intend to cause any hurt in the situation.
So we'll be deleting any negative comments towards her.
And I still think she's an amazing woman and I'm extremely, extremely grateful for the
beautiful albeit short time that we had together.
The point of this video is, is simply to prove that this happens to everyone.
And if I let this ghosting, you know, cause resentment towards women in the same way that
many women letting ghosting cause resentment towards men, it's going to create a negative
experience for all of us.
So that was my reason for, for not following up from her.
I expected her to stick to her words.
She didn't.
And it told me what I needed to know.
El was struggling with some sort of fears and insecurities that she obviously couldn't
communicate for whatever reason, and it's not because she was a horrible person.
Men aren't horrible people either and when they do this, they're struggling with their
own fears and insecurities that unfortunately, they're not able to communicate to you.
It's just a signal that they weren't right for you and that the next one who isn't gonna
ghost you is waiting just around the corner.
Well, that's the video.
That is the worst ghosting story of my life.
Took me as I say, a long time to get over that one and there's no shame in that at all.
Let me know your thoughts, comments, questions.
As I say, no negativity at all on the positive, grateful comments are here and it's not a
woe with me story.
It's just to share that this does happen to everyone.
You're not alone in that.
I know exactly where you've been.
Hit the subscribe button with the little bell if you enjoyed the story, hit the thumbs up
as well and make sure you download the first chapter of my book.
Thanks again for watching and listening to my story.
I hope you got a lot out of it and I'll see you in the next video very soon.
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