- Hey, internet citizens,
it's me, Harry Pancake, the CEO of Tumblr.
We've begun the difficult process of removing
all adult content from our platform.
We know some of our users are unhappy with this decision.
But Tumblr's a family company,
and there's so much that we do have to offer
that is SFW, short for safe, fun and wholesome.
(laughs)
(claps)
We're still havin' fun, come on.
Tumblr's a vibrant space for artists, comedians,
and young activists, and the many non-pornographic
communities that make up our platform.
Consider the thriving mascot community
we have around Tumblr.
These sports-heads can't get enough of their team's mascots.
If you spend any time at all
scrolling under the furry hashtag,
you'll be wowed at their craftsmanship...
ingenuity...
and... dedication...
Whoa-- what am I looking at here, Carm?
'Cause that, uh...
So you're telling me I'm looking at this lion,
I guess, centaur,
penetrating this lady koala from behind.
That is not indicative of what the furry community is about.
- What, okay, so you're telling me if I go to yiff.party--
(throwing up)
- So the entire furry community is just these
foxes and badgers and dragons all bangin' each other, I--
- Do you think that was my question,
was what the nomenclature of these fuckin--
What is this frog doing with its nipples--
How does this not violate
our extremely clarified nipple policy?
The frog's got tits out to here, Carmen!
I've never seen bigger tits in my life.
- Where?
- Go to hell!
Tumblr's about creativity, not smutt.
Look at the great fan-created fiction
that's already on here.
Sherlock Holmes, as a high school student?
Shared over 800,000 times.
The untold adventures of Samwise and Frodo,
sharing a villa in the Tuscan countryside?
How creative is that?
Here, I wanna read you a passage from
one of my favorite fan-created fictions,
Harry Potter and the Wand of Impossible Girth.
But I don't understand, Dobby, I gave you my sock.
Why do you want the rest of my clothes?
Dobby gripped the tender balls of the Boy Who Lived,
and whispered, Dobby is master now,
and Cornelius Fudge gets to watch.
I...
Conservatively, what percentage of our platform is porn?
- 9%?
- 90?
- (screams)
Martha, I'm not angry, I just am trying to understand
how this didn't get to me?
When I started this website,
I wanted it to be about buddies doing social media.
That's why I started the BDSM tag!
It's full of what?
(screams in annoyance)
Well, it can't all be porn!
Okay?
It can't all be porn!
There's gotta be some not-porn on the platform!
Activists, we have got young activists.
Head over socialist-- put up socialist Tumblr,
and I bet there's...
Cute, that's real cute, gang.
So, what?
This is seizing the means of production?
I will find it.
I will find the non-porn, alright?
Cooking!
Look, this eggplant is
sprinkling water on a crying man-- no!
Family, okay, family values.
Thirsty stepsister needs a big... no, she doesn't need that.
And in fact, nobody needs that.
Something boring, something boring, uh...
Craftsmanship, DIY.
Here, watch a hydraulic press crush
my quivering virgin asshole.
Why is everyone on the internet so horny?
Why is nobody obeying rule 34, be polite?
Is there a different rule 34?
So you're telling me that if I put in any-- any-- anything,
uh, uh, Bronson Pinchot, Perfect Strangers.
Street guy first-time anal bareback that--
It's 12 million results, it's 12 million results.
That's the real Bronson Pinchot.
Well, he's workin'.
(erotic squeaking)
Well, I don't understand
what the octopus is getting out of any of this.
(erotic squeaking)
And frankly, the young woman
doesn't look very happy, either.
And this is under the cartoons tag.
Yabba-dabba-do not search under there if you just wanna
watch some Flintstones or somethin' wholesome.
Well, guess I'm the idiot, right?
(gentle guitar music)
Just a fool.
Wanted a website, some artsy photos of rain,
couple of bad poems, and a conversation format
that was frankly impossible to follow.
You took my dream and you stuffed it up
with dicks and pussies and hard clits.
- Really?
- I beg your pardon?
Freedom of speech, heard of it?