Did you know when Abraham Lincoln was dying in bed after he's been shot by
John Wilkes Booth, the Secretary of War Stanton that was next to him said, "There
lies the most perfect ruler of men that the world has ever seen."
That statement really made me wonder... What was the secret of Lincoln's success in dealing
with people, so much so that he was being complimented of being the most perfect
ruler of men? Dale Carnegie asked the same question too and then studied the
life of Abraham Lincoln for ten years! He focused into the detailed and exhaustive
study of Lincoln's personality and home life as well as his methods of dealing
with people. Afterwards, Dale Carnegie began creating this famous book called
How to Win Friends and Influence People back in the early 1930s from a
collection of historical events, people's testimonies and lectures that he had as
a teacher of public speaking. So then How to Win Friends and Influence People
first got published in 1936 where now today it has sold over 30 million copies
worldwide and went on to be named 19 place on Time magazine's list of a
hundred most influential books in the year 2011.
So despite this book is now 81 years old the things you learn in this book is
still very relevant with today's world. We live in a world with a population
that's currently about 7.6 billion people! So the importance of
knowing how to interact and deal with people in your life will always be
important. Dale Carnegie goes into great details in this book about several
things such as fundamental techniques in handling people, ways to make people like
you, and ways to win people to your way of thinking. Abraham Lincoln knew how
important it was to handle people and like him during his time. He knew it was
difficult but through tons of strains and struggles, he developed confidence
with his developed communication skills and principles that he learned down the
road which led him to be a legacy in American history. Here's a really cool
story! During the time of the Civil War, in the first three
days of July 1863, there was the Battle of Gettysburg. During the night of July
4th, the Confederate General Robert E Lee began to retreat southward in the midst
of a large storm. When Lee reached the Potomac river with his defeated army
he found a swollen impassable river in front of him and a victorious Union Army
behind him! Basically Lee was in a trap and he couldn't escape. President Lincoln
knew this was a golden opportunity to capture Lee's army and end the war
immediately. And so he telegraphed his orders to General Meade demanding
immediate action to attack Lee's army and what did general Meade do? He did the
very opposite of what he was told to do! He hesitated and telegraphed all kinds
of excuses, he refused point-blank to attack Lee. Finally the high raging river
resided after a while and Lee was able to escape over to Potomac with his
forces. I can only imagine Lincoln was probably very furious in
bitter disappointment, Lincoln sat down and wrote Meade a letter rebuking his
decision. So what the General Meade do after
reading it? Well.... Meade never saw that letter. In fact, Lincoln never mailed it! it was
found among his papers after Lincoln's death. So then, why didn't the president
send the letter? Dale Carnegie said his guess is this. Maybe after writing that
letter, Lincoln looked out the window and said
to himself, "Just a minute. Maybe I ought not to be so hasty. It's so easy for me
just to sit here in a quiet room of the White House and order Meade to attack. But
if I've been at Gettysburg and if I seen as much blood as Meade has seen during
the last week and if my ears have been pierced with the screams and the shrieks
of the wounded and the dying, maybe I wouldn't be so anxious to attack either.
If I send this letter right now, it will relieve my feelings, but it would
probably make me try to justify himself. It will arouse hard feelings impair all
further usefulness as a commander and perhaps force him to resign from the
army." Lincoln put the letter aside for he has learned by bitter experience that
sharp criticism and rebukes almost invariably end in futility. What this
historical event paints here is one of the most important principles that
serves as the foundation of this book of How to Win Friends and Influence People
and that foundation is... learning to change your perspective, your camera view,
your focus that's on yourself, to be switched to be behind everyone else's
perspective. If you can do this, you'll able to tremendously better manage your
interaction and dealing with other people because you understand their
reasons behind their emotions and their decisions that they're making with you.
The power of getting the other person to be an agreement with you is much like
being the master of knowing how to unlock that puzzle in a person's heart
that can create a positive effect in your favor. That story of President
Abraham Lincoln and General Meade shows you one of the lessons that you learn
from this book. And that is.. Don't criticize, don't condemn or complain
because instead, always look and understand from their point of view
first. And direct your thoughts and action accordingly from that with simple
yet excellent methods to make others like you more, in which will in many, many
ways help you in the long run, whether at a job, in a business, or with friends,
meeting new people, and the list goes on. Now you've learned the most important
foundation of this book of how to win friends and influence people, Dale
Carnegie builds upon this foundation with important lessons that'll be needed
for any future interactions you'll be having with people. As mentioned before,
changing your camera angle from your mind to the other person's mind will
also change you from being selfish to selfless. This is required if you want to
become popular with other people in order for people to like you. You'll need
to know how to make them feel good when they're around you. Here are some ways to
make people like you. Number one. Did you ever stop to think that a dog is the
only animal that doesn't have to work for a living? I mean a hen has to lay
eggs, a cow has to give milk, and a canary has to sing, but a dog
makes his living just by giving you nothing but love. That's because a dog
operates within this method which is... (space shuttle launch)
Become genuinely interested in other people. You can make more friends in two
months by becoming genuinely interested in other people, than you can make in two
years by trying to get other people interested in you. And you know what else
a dog does every time you come home? Somehow on their faces, their expression
of almost smiling is shown towards the owner with extreme joy! This really shows
that action speaks louder than words and a smile says, "I like you! You make me
happy! I'm glad to see you!" That is why dogs make such a big hit!
They are so glad to see us every time when we come home, it's like they're
jumping out of their skins! So naturally we're so glad to see them. Now what's the
sweetest thing you can say to anyone during any conversation? Do you know?
Yep! It's their name. The importance of remembering and using names is not what
just kings and corporate executives only can do. It works for all of us. I really
like how Dale Carnegie says we should be aware of the magic contained in the name.
The name sets the individual apart. It makes him or her unique among others.
There's a special importance when we approach a situation with the name of
the individual. From the waiter, to the senior executive, the name will work in
magic as we deal with others. Now this next lesson is really quite
special in making others want to associate with you!
I say it's perhaps one of the easiest techniques from this book! You can get a
really quick in-depth review of it from a video I did previously
right here! Feel free to check it out when you get the chance. Going back to
the list of techniques, this next one is about Theodore Roosevelt's technique.
Everyone who's ever been a guest of the Theodore Roosevelt' was astonished at the
range and diversity of his knowledge. Whether his visitors was a cowboy, a
politician, or diplomat, it always seemed like Roosevelt knew what to say! But
really how did he do it? Well the answer was simple!
Whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he sat up late the night before reading up
on the subject in which he knew his guests was particularly interested and
that is the Theodore Roosevelt technique! Talked in the terms of the other
person's interest. Finally, there are times when you need to know how to win
people in your way of thinking. What typically happens when there's a heated
argument between two people? Well, after the argument, nine times out of ten, an
argument ends with each of the contestant more firmly convinced than
ever that he's absolutely right. But at the end there would be times when you
can't win an argument you can't because if you lose it, you lose it and if you
win it... you lose it. Wait! Why? Well suppose you triumph
over the other man and shot his argument full of holes. As wise old Ben
Franklin used to say, "If you argue and wrinkle and contradict, you may achieve a
victory sometimes but it will be an empty victory because you'll never get
your opponent's good will." The best thing you could do is simply avoid an argument
altogether! Here are some brilliant step-by-step suggestions on how to keep
a disagreement from becoming an argument. Step 1. Welcome the disagreement. Think
about it! This disagreement could be your opportunity to be corrected before you
make a serious mistake. Step 2. Distrust your first instinctive impression. Our
first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful!
Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction! It may be you at your worst, not
your best. Step 3. Control your temper. Remember, you can
always measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry. Step 4.
Listen first. Give your opponents a chance to talk. Let him finish
and do not resist, defend or debate. This only raises barriers. Try to build bridges of
understanding. Don't build higher barriers of misunderstanding! Step 5. Look for
areas of agreement. When you heard your opponent's out, dwell first on the points
in areas which you agree first. Step 6. Be honest. Look for areas where you can
emit error and say so! Apologize for your mistakes!
It could help disarm your opponent and reduce defensiveness.
Step 7. Promise to think of your opponent's ideas and study them
carefully and mean it. Your opponents may be right. It is a lot easier at this
stage to agree and think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and
find yourself in a position where your opponents can say, "We try to tell you but
you wouldn't listen." Step 8. Thank your opponents sincerely
for their interest. Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is
interested in the same things you are. Think of them as people who really want
to help you and you may turn your opponent's into friends. One last thing!
There's a really cool trick that you could do when you want to make someone
to agree with you or do something for you that they would be less willing to
do in the first place. And it is by using something called the YES YES technique.
There's a video I made just about that so feel free to check that out too!
Alright thank you so much for watching! Personally, this book review was helped a
lot with the use of audible. Since at times when I can't always read I have
the help of audible, which I'm able to continue my progress with any book. I can
listen anywhere which is awesome because in many situations when I can't read
like for example when I'm driving or when I'm exercising. I say definitely
check it out! I'll leave a link in the description down below where you can try
a completely free 30-day free trial and keep any two audiobooks, even if you
decide to cancel the subscription, you will not have a penny spent. As always
subscribe if you haven't already and click that Bell notification so I can
annoy you about a new video! Thanks once again and I'll see you guys later!