if you've ever seen this television program anytime before you know that on Thursday nights
we like to do a lot of mail let me just read this to you one of the rewards of having a successful
late night show is the spontaneous outpouring of affection an admiration that comes to us
each week in the mail we feel that if people care enough to watch our show and write us a
letter they deserve all the abuse we can give them so with that in mind let's take a look at
a few actual letters received in this week's viewer mail shall we this is letter number one
this comes to us from Madeleine Albert somewhere in Texas says here Madeleine writes I waited on
the governor tonight in the fancy restaurant where I work when shaking hands I realize that my hands
are larger than his now I know my hands are large but larger than the hands of the governor of Texas
it was then that I realized that I probably could have beat him at arm wrestling too for I noticed
that my arms were probably longer than his arms and I believe Madeleine was kind
enough to send in a photo of herself and let's see if I can just uh hold it up here
this is uh Madeleine Albert from Texas let's just good Lord
they're just plain big
that was letter number one letter number two comes to us from Joe dealio Waterbury
Connecticut Joe Wright so this is regarding you Paul when Paul Schaefer announced his retirement
Thursday that's right a week ago tonight Paul announced he was retiring I got worried then
he announced he was back and you said everyone would be able to breathe better actually you
were right I held my breath when he said he was leaving as if to think you were actually letting
him loose but now I do feel better knowing he'd decide to stay locked up at NBC where he belongs
that's right you remember that of course about a week ago tonight Paul announced his retirement
and as it turns out he did that only to cash in on the lucrative NBC retirement benefits
you had a banquet I understand too Paul huh I did great at the banquet too a lot
of gifts look at this this is a music box they gave me the network gave me this that's great
David Letterman theme that's really nice you open it up everybody gets one of these
you know watch gold watch I've been in the building now what seven years it's very nice
of them terrific congratulations and I got this great toaster oven which I need from my room
and look at this wow look at that and that it was I did so well as a matter of fact
that I've decided to retire I'm going to leave the business
and uh you know you're retiring again I'm gonna I've had enough and it's been it's been great
entertaining everybody all these years but uh and now okay good night Paul Paul Shay for retiring
I don't know whenever he does that it kind of casps a Paul on the festivities um I'm coming
back what I don't want to bring it on back in the business I've decided to come back oh great
great you know it's cold out there David it's not so great out there
congratulations Paul I'm glad you had a change of heart thank you very much
letter number three comes to us from Glenn Carson Albany Georgia
I really like the way your announcer says David Letterman at the first of the show I mean he
really puts feeling into his voice boy it would be great to hear him say Glenn Carson that way
also it was better when you put viewer mail on the index cards 60 Minutes style while we
stopped doing that because people didn't really believe these were actual letters
we can't read the letters very easily the way you're doing it now thanks Glenn Carson Albany
Georgia well well Glenn guess what this is your lucky night Bill what do we have for
Glenn and now a viewer with his letter printed 60-minute style Glenn Carson [Applause] [Music]
it's a proud night for all of us here is it me or does this stuff just get stupider
letter number four comes to us from I think we've heard from these gentlemen before
pay Waldrop Auburn Alabama I watch your show almost every night and wonder why the cars on the
city streets behind you never move and why if it's so late are all the lights on in the city behind
you also why do you always have so many pencils you never use them for anything do you they query
well let me just explain uh hey I guess it is uh this is New York City not Auburn Alabama this is
the city that never sleeps and of course that's why those lights are on every night and and as I
am sure you also know these pencils are here because occasionally I just like to [Music]
have some sort of a apparently I caused some sort of a power outage uh
do we have that standby generator how can we turn that on
[Music]
letter number five comes to us from Paul fromberg Peoria Illinois an All-American City I'm guessing
occasionally you make a phone call during your show but no one ever calls you why is that
P.S get Bill Murray back on the show soon I loved his version of physical
as who did not this is a reference to our very first television program Bill Murray
came on and sang physical and sang and sang physical as far as not receiving phone calls uh
I don't know it's just yeah suddenly I'm Soupy Sales
excuse me the phone unbelievably but somehow ringing hello Dave yeah it's me Bill Murray
what are you doing hi Bill you know uh there's quite a coincidence we're just reading a letter
here about you from Paul fromberg Peoria Illinois and uh he he wanted you to be on the show and
he enjoyed you singing physical yeah sure Paul fromberg hey party man you gotta come one party
a party yeah I'll come by and pick you up you're gonna be ready about five minutes I
can't bill there um I'm doing the show we're on the air what show we're on every night
at 12 30 and there's you guys are still on that's great man that's really great
three hey look David if you guys are still on they owe you a night off come on do it Schneider used
to do it he used to just call in sick no big deal I uh we got a studio full of good looking
folks from all across America and I can't uh I really can't leave hey look they're excited just
to see the lights and the cameras and stuff just just just hang it just say uh-huh okay okay okay
doctor thank you very much and say ladies and gentlemen you've been so kind I hope you drive
carefully on your way home but I think I'm having a nervous collapse and just walk out
just walk out say you're sick or something no big deal do it they owe you a night off NBC is
ready man they're ready they're right they got you know they'll put up the 1975 uh World Series or
something they're always ready for something like this come on you got to live man you mean this is
a big party David Roberto Duran's ex-spiring Partners old girlfriends are going to be there
um you know okay you know Dave no one will know you're even gone they'll just
put something up here just do it just do it just smiling okay thank you very much
doctor okay thank you doctor thank you very much I uh this is kind of strange just cover
me Paul um everybody calls in sick every now and then I'll put something up won't they sure
see it ball Hiram well Charlie see ya where are you going okay
where are you okay he left he actually left okay damn it where is it
[Applause] [Music] [Applause] in the eyes and the fans love it
midnight the only empty seats are in the Cincinnati propane
and their eighth pitcher Pat Darcy is pitching against Carlton Fisk
Fisk takes the first pitch High all one
foreign
[Music] it's a joke I'm back
yes just our idea of a little joke here we have a wonderful program for you
tonight is uh uh Mr Murray in the hallway would you like to say hello to Mr Bill
you got a fabulous fan here you've got a great band but uh Dave that bike is time
for charity that's going to go all night tonight oh great I'll try and sneak by a
little later and I'm sorry I'll talk to that guy man he roughed me up okay
nice to see you again okay and I'll tell all the kids that you'll be there later
definitely yeah the kids your adventure Bill Bill Murray ladies and gentlemen
and now back to the festivities very nice with Mr Murray to do that for us