- This is Ben and Ben knows the secret
to reading anyone instantly.
But before we can talk about that,
we need to first understand his childhood.
Little Ben has trouble talking with other people
and he can't pick up on basic social cues
like facial expressions or body language
and the medical term for this
is something called social emotional agnosia.
And as a result of this,
Ben started to develop social anxiety
and whenever he would talk with someone,
like an attractive girl for example,
he would just awkwardly smile
or he would just nod his head along
or give one or two word answers.
And this was a major problem for Ben
because the only thing that he really wanted in his life
was to have a wife and a family.
And if he couldn't get this, then in his mind,
he was destined to live alone and die alone
so he set out on a journey to cure himself.
At first, Ben tried to put himself out there more in school.
He figured the more social experience he had,
the better off he would be.
So he would raise his hand more in class
or he would try to talk to his classmates
but the problem with this is that when you are labeled
as that awkward kid or labeled as that weird kid,
most people just don't want anything to do with you
so most kids would just kind of ignore him.
So Ben decided that he would attend events
that were put on by other schools
because nobody there knew him.
But even at these events,
when he would try to talk to other people,
he still couldn't have
a meaningful conversation with someone.
He would totally be stuck in his head
and he would obsess over trying to read people
and he would overanalyze what they were saying
and how they were saying it
and the kids would often call him weird or awkward.
And over time, Ben started to dread all social interactions
and this caused him to go into a fairly deep depression
and he was very close to giving up on the dream
of having a wife and a family.
One morning, Ben woke up and discovered parts of his body
that were suddenly paralyzed
and over the next few days, the paralysis spread
and he was soon diagnosed with a disease called polio.
As he lay there in bed,
he heard his mother in the other room
discussing his case with the doctors
that the family had called in.
Assuming that Ben was asleep,
one of the doctors told her that
the boy will be dead by morning.
And he could hear his mom crying in the other room.
After the doctors left, his mother came into his room
clearly trying to disguise her grief,
unaware that Ben had overheard the conversation.
Ben asked his mother to move the mirror in his room
so it would face the window
and if he began to lose consciousness,
he would then focus on the sunset in the reflected mirror,
holding onto this image as long as he could.
The sun always returned so maybe he would too.
Within hours, he fell into a coma.
Ben regained consciousness three days later
so somehow, he had cheated death
but the paralysis had spread to his entire body.
Even his lips were paralyzed.
He could not move, he could not gesture
or communicate to anyone in any way.
And the only part of his body that he could move
were his eyeballs.
And the only social company that he had
were his seven sisters, his one brother, and his parents.
And for someone who had such an active mind,
the boredom was almost unbearable.
So the only thing that he could really do
was to focus on things that he could see and hear.
And when he looked outside,
he started to notice all these new details about nature,
like how the leaves on the tress
had all these little grooves on them.
And he would watch how the rain would fall
in between these grooves and then roll off the leaf.
And he would listen to the birds singing outside
and he noticed how they used all these different tones,
as if it was a small symphony.
He spent weeks just looking and listening.
But one day, as he was looking outside,
his sisters came into his room
to have a chat with one another
and as they were talking, Ben noticed something.
Their faces made all these movements
and the tone of their voices would change very frequently
in the course of the conversation.
For example, one sister said to another
yes, that's a good idea
but she said this with a monotone voice
and a noticeable smile on her face,
all of which would likely mean
that she didn't actually think it's a good idea.
So somehow, a yes could really mean a no
and Ben had never noticed this before
but due to his current state,
his eyesight and his hearing were all heightened.
In the course of the next few days,
he had counted 16 different forms of no
indicated through body language,
tone, and facial expressions.
If people said yes when they actually felt no,
it would appear through their body language
and tone of voice.
Ben found all of these observations somewhat interesting
but he found himself not really wanting to engage
in this little game.
What is the point of trying to understand people better
if you're going to die in a year or die in a few months?
Why even bother doing this, Ben thought to himself.
Ben could either let the disease consume him
or he could try to keep the most important muscle active
by focusing his brain on things like nature,
social interactions, or simply just thinking deeply
but at first, he didn't want to do this.
Then he thought about his dream of having a loving family.
He thought about having dinner with his wife
and he thought about playing with his kids in his yard.
He could either take the hard road
of keeping his dream alive and fight
or the easy road and just let the disease take over him.
Ben would try his best to keep fighting.
So Ben completely consumed himself
in observing other people.
He would watch their hand gestures, their vocal pitch,
their sudden arm movements, the way their legs move,
and the way their lips would quiver on certain topics.
He would even notice
how often the veins in his sister's neck
would pulsate when they stood over him,
indicating that they were nervous just by being around him.
And because his hearing was getting better,
he could now pick up on conversations in the other room
and he noticed a funny pattern.
In a conversation, people were rarely ever direct.
One sister would spend minutes beating around the bush,
leaving hints to others about what she really wanted,
such as to borrow something or hear an apology from someone
but she wouldn't ever just say it at first.
Her hidden desire was clearly indicated
by her tone of voice,
which gave emphasis to certain words
and her hope was that the other person
would pick up on this
and offer what she desperately desired.
But often times, the hints were ignored
and she would be forced to come out and say
what she actually wanted but by this point,
she was already frustrated with the situation.
Conversation after conversation
fell into this reoccurring pattern.
It was as if because of his paralysis,
he became aware of a second channel of human communication,
a second language for which people expressed something
from deep within themselves without even being aware of it.
He thought that perhaps the mind and the physical body
are much more connected than people realize
or maybe they're one of the same
because every single time that his sister wanted something
or they would be upset about something,
it would clearly show through their physical body.
So one day, Ben wanted to try something.
Ben was watching his brother and sister play outside
so he closed his eyes
and he imagined himself playing with them.
And in his head, he literally saw himself
standing up and walking around
and he put all of his mental energy
into this single imagination,
really trying to feel and experience the sensations
that he once felt.
And for a brief second, he felt the twitch in his leg
and this was the first time
that he had felt any movement in his body at all
and this simple twitch gave him hope.
So he began to focus deeply
into every single muscle in his leg
and he would remember the sensation he had in his body
before the paralysis.
And over time, he started to have success
and the slightest bit of movement
would return to the muscle.
After some more time, he even started to stand up
and to take a few steps.
And then later, he would walk around his room then sit down
and then after some more time,
he started to walk around outside
and he slowly just kept increasing the distance
inch by inch and over time,
Ben became a functional walking adult
and he did this through the power of his mind.
He realized through watching his family communicate
that the mind does not operate different from the body
but rather, they are completely connected.
Ben became so fascinated with communication
that he began to study psychology
and he actually became one of the world leaders
in hypnotherapy.
So I bet a lot of you are probably thinking
that this story is completely made up
and it's almost ridiculous.
I'll be honest and I'll tell you the truth.
His name wasn't Ben.
His name was Milton Hyland Erickson
and he was born on December 5, 1901
and he really did catch a disease called polio,
which paralyzed him.
And through this experience, he did become strongly aware
of the significance of non-verbal communication
and he really did become one of the world leaders
in hypnotherapy.
We are at a point in society
where basically everyone is trying to put on a mask for you.
They want to present themselves to you in a certain way
that does not accurately represent who they actually are.
If someone has a nice, empathetic mask on,
they will say almost anything
to match this egoic perception of themselves
but underneath that mask,
underneath the soft, kind words that they say all the time
is the truth.
And this idea is the origin of the timeless saying
actions will always speak louder than words.
So if you want to become somebody
who can read anyone instantly
or you want to become somebody
who sees the true nature of people,
then you have to master non-verbal communication
and the best way to do this is to be more like Ben
and to become more observant.
Think about Ben
and how he was completely stranded in his bed.
The only thing he could do was watch other people
and that's what you need to start to do.
Listen for vocal pitches,
watch for facial expressions, body language.
See how people act when you bring up certain topics.
And if you do this, I guarantee you
you will be able to read people.
Check out my last video about the real truth about emotions.
I'll see you there.