Hey everyone, and welcome to TopThink. Today,
we are going to learn about 7 subtle habits that make people ignore you.
Now, let’s begin. 1. Social Passivity
Let’s say you’re standing in a crowded room. Everyone around you is talking and laughing,
but you are alone. You see a group of people who seem friendly and approachable,
but you don’t move a muscle. Instead, you stand on the sidelines, feeling neglected and ignored.
You might ask yourself, “Why is nobody talking to me?” “What do other people have that I don’t?” You
may feel ignored, but the problem has nothing to do with other people. The problem… is you.
A socially passive person may not take responsibility for their social success.
You need other people to make the first move. You rely on complete strangers to put themselves
out there. You stand quietly in the corner, wondering when someone is going to say hello,
but they never do. Why? Because you are the only one responsible for your social life.
Instead of proactively meeting people, you’ve adopted a passive social mentality. You expect
other people to overcome difficult and awkward social hurdles without facing those challenges
on your own. You have the power to change your social life. It takes confidence and courage,
but you don’t have to sit on the sidelines. There will always be someone new, who would
like to get to know you, but it’s not their responsibility to make that connection—it’s yours.
2. Trying Too Hard Has anyone ever said you’re
“needy” or “socially awkward?” Needy people often have good intentions.
You want to connect with people. You want to show other people how interesting, fun,
and altruistic you can be. But your extreme desire to connect with others… may be scaring them away.
If this sounds familiar, you may be trying too hard. Unfortunately,
“trying too hard” is a difficult to understand or prevent. You’re trying too hard because you care.
You’re needy because you want to prove yourself to others. You want people to like you, see you,
and understand you. But these needs are hurting your friendships in ways you don’t expect.
For example, needy people will do favors for someone they want to befriend or impress.
They think other people will appreciate their generosity, but that’s rarely what happens.
Instead, other people seem confused and repelled by favors or acts of kindness.
And that leaves a needy person wondering what went wrong. They may feel unappreciated, bitter,
or insecure, all of which ruins their chances of building a strong and secure friendship.
So, what’s the answer? What should you do instead? Connecting with others isn’t always
easy, but it is simple. Just relax and be confident in yourself.
Maintain a positive attitude and keep your nerves under getting the best of you.
It’s okay to feel anxious in social situations. Plenty of social people deal struggle with anxiety
every day. But instead of letting their anxiety control their behavior, they take a deep breath,
practice patience, and do what makes them happy. At the end of the day, that’s all anyone expects.
3. The Social Tyrant Do you try to control people? This
bad habit really gets under peoples’ skin. No one wants to spend time with a social tyrant—someone
who wants everything to go according to plan. A social tyrant tries to control,
limit, and organize every social situation. They don’t like surprises. They can’t be spontaneous,
and they think they know best in every situation. But social tyrants close their minds to the
interests, needs, and ideas of others. For example, let’s say a group of friends are planning
a vacation. One person, a social tyrant, wants to visit the beach, while everyone else wants
to go hiking. Even though their friends want to do something else, the social tyrant forces
their agenda on others. They want to satisfy their own needs, and they need everything to go
according to plan. In other words, they’re not going to have fun unless they are in control.
If you’re a social tyrant, people may avoid spending time with you.
To put it simply, they want the freedom to make their own choices without satisfying your agenda.
If you want people to stop ignoring you, allow them to think and act for themselves.
It’s not your job to tell anyone what they should or shouldn’t do. Just like it’s not your job to
plan every outing or manage every conversation. Instead of trying to control your social life,
enjoy the time you spend with others, no matter what you’re doing. For example,
going to the beach may be your first choice, but you can have fun anywhere if you set your
mind to it. Show people that you can let go of the reigns, and others will flock to your side.
4. Stealing the Spotlight
Some people can’t stop talking about themselves. Their lives are the focal
point of every conversation, and they rarely show interest in anything else.
When you steal the spotlight, people assume you don’t care about their life. They think you are
only interested in yourself. If that’s true, why should they waste their time getting to know you?
If you feel ignored, you may be stealing the spotlight too often. You may not show
enough interest in the people you meet. Maybe you’re telling person stories to make this
person like you. Or maybe you’re bragging about your achievements to impress them.
Either way, you’re talking too often about yourself; and it’s pushing people away.
Every conversation needs to be a give and take. You say something about your life, and
they say something about their life. You both ask questions. You both show interest, and you both
enjoy sharing personal details about who you are. If every conversation feels like a one-way street,
it’s time to make a change. People are ignoring you because you are neglecting them.
If you want to improve your social life, show people that you care.
5. Changing Your Personality Everyone wants to look “cool.” We want people
to respect and value us. We want to make great first impressions, highlighting our strengths and
shielding our weaknesses. But here’s the problem: people who try to be cool rarely ever are.
You think you’re acting mysterious and complex. You try to embody the “cool”
personalities you admire, but you’re making a bad impression on the people you meet.
When you act cold and aloof, people will ignore you, because they assume you don’t care. They
perceive you to be rude or uninterested, even though deep down you want to make a connection.
The simple truth is… changing your personality is never a good idea. If you want to gain respect or
connect with others, be true to who you are. Be yourself as honestly as you can.
I’m not telling you to spill every one of your secrets in the first 30 seconds. I’m
not telling you to overshare about your personal life. Being yourself means putting yourself out
there. Show people who you really are without worrying what kind of impression you’re making.
The most likable characteristics have nothing to do with mystery or stoic charm.
You don’t have to change your personality or hide your vulnerabilities. If you want
others to enjoy having you around, be true to yourself. because the coolest people always are.
6. Repellant Signals
Is your body language scaring people away? Are you giving off the wrong physical signals?
Many people don’t think about the impact of body language on social success.
You may be excited to meet someone, whether it’s a new friend or a romantic connection. You may be
trying your best to act friendly, but your body is telling a different story. Your arms are crossed.
Your shoulders are stiff, and you’re staring at the floor. Your lips may be saying, “talk to me,”
but your body language says, “leave me alone.” Negative or closed-off body language tells
other people that you aren’t interested in making a connection. Strangers pick
up on those subtle cues, even if you don’t realize what kind of signals you’re sending.
Luckily, you can change your body language. You can learn how your physical signals
impact your social success and discover how impactful good body language can be.
In many cases, simple changes, like uncrossing your arms or straightening your posture, can
transform your social life for the better. Instead of pushing people away, you’re welcoming them with
open arms… and that makes all the difference. 7. The Wet Blanket
Has anyone ever called you a “wet blanket” or a “negative nelly?” These nicknames reflect
a very common habit that leaves many people feeling neglected and ignored.
A wet blanket describes someone who is constantly negative. They point
out every inconsistency everywhere they go. If something isn’t exactly right, they will complain
about it… and that gets on people’s nerves. Take a moment to really think about your attitude.
Are you a positive or happy person? Or do you complain more than you should?
If you’re overwhelmingly negative, your negativity is doing more damage than you realize. Not only is
it hurting your current friendships, but it’s also impacting your ability to make new ones.
People are drawn to positive, lighthearted personalities. They want someone who
makes every situation fun, exciting, and happy. Instead of bringing the room down,
these people lift everybody up. They can turn a boring situation into an unforgettable experience,
thanks to their relentless positivity. You don’t need to transform yourself into
the world’s biggest optimist, but you should acknowledge good things and fun experiences.
Because complaining about a bad situation doesn’t help anyone. Most of the time, you’re reminding
people of things they don’t want to think about. Whenever you feel like complaining, try to find a
silver lining instead. Focus on the positives and do what you can to make people smile. If you can
do that, everyone will enjoy your company. Thank you for watching TopThink,
and be sure to subscribe, because more incredible content is on the way.