Are you Being ignored by someone you care about? IF so, you know it’s one of the
most frustrating and difficult situations to deal with especially when you don’t know
what to do about it. That’s why In this video, I’m going to share the reasons why
a man might be ignoring you And I’m going to tell you exactly what to say and do about
it. So don’t go anywhere because we’re starting in 3 seconds.
hi everyone. I’m dr Antonio Borrello, Welcome to another video. This channel is all about
helping you build great relationships so you can grow happy with the people you love.
So, if you’re interested in making your love life the best part of your life, start
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anything.
OK… before we get into the video.. I’m giving away two $50 gift cards to two of the
first 100 subscribers who comment on this video in response to a question I ask. So
make sure you watch the whole video so you know what question to answer. OK.. on to what
to do when a man ignores you.
Being ignored by a person you care about is one of the worst emotions … it’s right
there next to rejection… maybe worse. In Fact… ignoring someone is a way of inflicting
pain on another person with out visible bruising. And that is not a metaphor.. the silent treatment
activates the same area of the brain that is activated by physical pain.. so you feel
physical pain. So Being ignored is frustrating and hurtful and unfortunately all too common
in dating relationships, but why? Well, people resort to ignoring you for several reasons
including wanting to manipulate you, control you, punish you, or to break up with you.
Here’s an example, Everything starts out great…. He’s giving you tons of attention,
making plans to see you, he’s keeping in touch on the phone and with texts – basically,
things feel perfect. But then something happens… He stops calling and has become
less responsive to you or perhaps he doesn’t even respond to you at all.. as in the
case when someone ghosts you. And that’s when you start questioning everything…
replaying everything in your head over an over… trying to figure out what happened.
was it something you said? Did he learn something about you that he didn’t like?
another example is when someone plays the silent treatment game...or should I say the
silent treatment abuse. This usually happens after a disagreement or fight and is intended
to punish you. The silent treatment is really a form of emotional abuse that's designed
to place him in a position of control; so he can avoid personal responsibility or to
punish you for your feelings. And the result of the silent treatment is exactly what the
game player wishes to create… a reaction from you and a sense of control when you try
to respond.
And FYI… being ignored is incredibly difficult to handle and often makes you feel like you’re
in a panic mode…. And here is why. Being ignored forces you to deal with uncertainty
and ambiguity …and the brain does not like uncertainty or ambiguity… especially when
you can imagine scenarios in which you are threatened or fear a loss. I’ve talked about
this before… It’s a phenomenon that has been well researched
For example a 2005 university study concerned with human decision making found that even
a little bit of ambiguity will activate the amygdala – the region of the brain responsible
for processing emotional reactions and threat responses – The researchers found that the
amygdala “lights up” on neuroimaging scans when we deal with ambiguity and uncertainty.
In other words, the more uncertainty and ambiguity, the more the amygdala registers a threat response.
And it’s so difficult to handle because That part of our brain can’t separate physical
threats… like someone coming at you with a knife from “silly” threats like someone
not responding to your text message. So, when you’re being ignored… it makes you
feel almost like you’re panicking.
And then you’ll have people who say things like… just forget about it.. what’s the
big deal…. he isn’t responding to you or he’s ignoring you.. get over it..
but it’s not so easy, right. And Trying to talk yourself out of it isn’t
super effective because not only does the uncertainty feel threatening and anxiety provoking,
being ignored can have serious physical side effects too...
The silent treatment, even if it’s brief, also activates the anterior cingulate cortex
– the part of the brain that detects physical pain. Yes.. you heard that correctly… The
initial pain is the same in your brain as physical pain… and causes physical symptoms
too. Symptoms could include anything from headaches to stomach pains, as well as insomnia,
anxiety, and fatigue. Yeah.. being ignored hurts.. a lot.
So, if you’re being ignored.. how do you handle it? First I want to generalize the
reasons why someone is ignoring you into just two categories - the first is because they
are just not into you… in other words they want to break up with you…. The second reason
… they are ignoring you as a form of punishment to manipulate or control you in some way.
The first one.. He’s trying to break up with you.
oftentimes someone you’re dating becomes distant because they’re afraid of the confrontation
of breaking up with you. they would rather fade out of a relationship than end it properly.
So, If you feel him pulling away and making excuses not to see you, then he’s using
ignoring you as a break-up method. He’s hoping that you’ll eventually get fed up
of being ignored and end the relationship yourself. Or you’ll just stop trying and
the relationship will fizzle out without any kind of confrontation. So, what can you
do. Instead of being strung along, tell him that if this isn’t working out for him,
you’ll understand. Then you’ll have the opportunity to move on without any doubt or
hesitation. So, if he wants to break up, you’ve just given him the opportunity.
And if he doesn’t want to break up, it gives you an opportunity to communicate about
your needs and expectations,
On the other hand, Sometimes they just go radio silent.. no communication or responses..
and may even block communication with you all together. Yet you have no idea why…
you’re left wondering what happened? Regardless of their tactics… People who do this are
primarily focused on avoiding their own emotional discomfort and they aren’t thinking about
how it makes the other person feel. And if you don’t have friends in common
or run in the same social circle, they are banking on the possibility that they never
have to deal with it. So, if this happens to you, it’s a bit more difficult to handle
because it might take some time for you to realize that you’ve been left.
While you’re waiting for a response, you’ll question whether the other person got your
texts or saw your missed calls. Communication failures happen all the time, so it’s possible
your partner thought they responded, but you never received the message. So Make a friendly
phone call or send a brief message checking on them and remind them you had tried to make
contact. If you still don’t hear from them within a few days, it’s time to accept
the fact you’re being ghosted. And if you still have no idea why he disappeared on you
and is ignoring you, you’ve got to come to the conclusion that it’s not about you
at all. Perhaps his ex popped back into his life and they want to try to get back together…or
perhaps he was lying to you about some aspect of his life and he doesn’t want to get exposed….
There are so many possibilities. So… if you’ve been ghosted and there wasn’t an
obvious disagreement or falling-out that you regret, go easy on yourself, because it’s
not about you!
The second and probably more common example is when someone is ignoring you as a form
of punishment and manipulation. When someone is intentionally ignoring you to punish you,
it’s because he wants you to feel the pain that uncertainty provokes. He may be motivated
by revenge; he feels that you’ve ignored him, so he’s doing the same. If you’re
in the middle of an argument, he might be ignoring you until the situation calms down,
especially if he’s uncomfortable with conflict or feels that arguing is counterproductive.
Even so, being ignored when you’re angry is incredibly frustrating and not a healthy
way to solve a dispute. And the silent treatment is ‘tremendously’ damaging to a relationship.
It decreases relationship satisfaction for both partners, it diminishes feelings of intimacy,
and it reduces the capacity to communicate in a way that’s healthy and meaningful.
Yet it is still the most common pattern of conflict in any committed and established
romantic relationship And it does tremendous damage.’
So, how should you deal with this… Well, do your best to find out what is wrong; do not
give them the silent treatment back. If one or both of you needs space, establish that.
Since communication is often the issue, try to discuss and understand the situation. Understanding
is key here. And if your attempts to communicate go unanswered after a day or so, consider
sending this message to him. “Hey, I see that you’re not responding to me. I’m
not sure why, but I want to understand why you are angry, or upset, or sad. If you’re
not ready to talk, or need space- I get it. The silence is hard for me- could you let
me know? Maybe we can find a time to talk in the next few days? But, I can’t continue
with this relationship if you keep shutting me out.” That will often do the trick…
but if it doesn’t, please, please don’t do any of these things..
1 1 Don’t Keep Calling and Texting If there’s a legit reason why he’s not
responding as much, over-texting or over-calling just to get an answer will come off as possessive,
insecure, and a little crazy. Trust ? me, he’s seeing your calls and texts…..
besides, if he didn’t see that you’ve been trying to reach him, shouldn’t he be
concerned and reach out to you? , so yeah, he’s seeing that you reached out. If he
still doesn’t respond after a week, you may need to come to grips with the fact that
you’ve been ghosted.
2. No begging and pleading. Regardless of how much it hurts, you can’t beg or plead
with a person to communicate with you or to stay with you. When you do and when you
get rejected, you will only hurt more and feel helpless and frustrated. And, begging
and pleading will make them cringe and feel sorry for you. And if they are ignoring
you because they can’t handle confrontation, they certainly will move further away if they
know you’re begging and pleading.. don’t do it.
3. Don’t resort to hurtful insults, name calling or picking a fight. Of course, you’re
angry, but confrontations or saying something hurtful will be something that you later regret.
Don’t do it.
Look, i know how frustrating it is to feel like you’re being ignored. It’s can be
a powerful form of abuse. But Sometimes it happens in the middle of a heated argument,
and temporary Silence can be healthy. Especially to avoid exacerbating the situation or to
avoid saying something that is later regretted. However, deliberately giving someone the silent
treatment as a method of control or punishment is abusive- it’s not problem solving.
When there is a problem between two people, the only healthy thing is to engage in dialogue
to find solutions. Silence and distance only generate more problems and, in the end, solve
absolutely nothing.
Oh and about those amazon gift cards… I really want to create the videos that are
going to be the most helpful to you… I often think I know of good topics that are helpful,
but ultimately you all know what you would like to see. So… I’m hoping to get at
least 100 comments on this video suggesting topics you’d like me to talk about in a
future video. So yeah.. Please make sure you are subscribed and then leave your ideas
in the comment section.. Once I get 100 comments I’m going to randomly pick 2 comments out
of the first 100 and those people will get a $50 Amazon card through email. So take
a moment, like this video and leave a comment.. that’s all you have to do. Oh, and make
sure you check in the comments to see if you won.. last time the person who won the gift
card didn’t see that they were chosen for almost two weeks. Lastly… if you’re being
ignored as a form of manipulation, chances are good that you are in an emotionally abusive
relationship. Click here to see a video that will help you to identify the early warning
signs. I’ll see you in that video