From Marvel Studios
and Universal(?!)
comes the second movie in the Marvel Cinematic Universe
that we're doing an Honest Trailer for because Infinity War's coming out.
We've already done all the other MCU movies
and Black Panther...
isn't...
on...
Blu-Ray yet.
Meet Bruce Banner.
No, not the one people like.
Who's that?
He never played the Hulk, did he?
No, you know the one I'm talking about.
The Death to Smoochy guy.
There he is!
Ed Norton shines as the first Marvel actor to show off how many crunches he did for the part.
ABS!!!
And he's bringing his incredible range to a role that has him act like he's on xanax.
"I know a few techniques could help you manage that anger very effectively." "You zip it."
While off camera he's bringing his incredible ego to a full rewrite of the script under the fake name Edward Harrison.
You want to get Terrence Howarded? Because that's how you get Terrence Howarded.
Join Bruce for a story where he runs away from the military.
Runs away from the military
AND runs away from the military.
AGAIN
But sometimes when his little Fitbit thingy hits 200 he'll turn into the Hulk-
an unstoppable rage monster that's actually a huge danger to the entire planet,
the economy of Brazil,
and all of Harlem.
Yeesh, I'm glad he flew off to not-planet-Hulk
there wouldn't be an Earth left for Thanos to punch
"HULK SMASH"
Before Gwyneth Paltrow took a four year hiatus
and before Natalie Portman took an indefinite absence?
"I dumped her, it was a mutual dumping"
Liv Tyler dropped off the face of the MCU without so much as an easter egg.
Stand and smile as the actress spends much of the movie STANDING and SMILING
as she doesn't get anything, or even anyone, to do.
"I can't get too excited."
"Not even a little excited?"
You've always wanted to see the Hulk match up against a villain that can equal his powers.
Well, too bad, because he's fighting the skinny British guy from Resevoir Dogs.
He's a decorated veteran with zero personal connection to Bruce Banner.
And zero threat to the Hulk.
But when he shoots himself full of tainted Captain America juice
he'll turn into one of the most forgettable monsters in the MCU.
"The mixture could be...an abomination."
That was so bad, he got his ass kicked all the way into Batman v Superman.
Go back to the days before Marvel had this whole universe thing on autopilot
where our nerd boners would only get little tastes of fan service
A sequel was only lightly implied instead of blatantly setting up five more movies
It put it's post-credits scene before the credits
"What if I told you we're putting a team together."
And didn't make a billion dollars
AGH... that's like Green Lantern money, ugh.
"I know what it's like
to not live up to expectations."
So strap in for this odd sequel, prequel, reboot, origin movie
that's better than we give it credit for
Because whatever you think about the film itself
it gave us Mark RuffaHULK
"Puny god."
and paved the way for Ed Norton to join Wes Anderson's fancy boy cinematic universe.
Oh man, I cannot wait for the Royal Tenenbaums to fight Steve Zeesou in Budapest Hotel: Infinity Floor
Okay Green Goblin, nobody punches out Flash Thompson in this quirky hotel and gets away with it.
"Dónde es... ¿Dónde estoy?"
"En Guatemala."
Yeah, it's probably not the first time a white guy got so hammered in Brazil he woke up half naked in Guatemala.
Spring break '97! WHOO!
*reading comments*