Hey guys
This is me, I guess
And I'm very excited, because I painted my nails
I knew they would be in this video
a lot.
For those of you that don't know, My name is
Alayna and I got by Miss Fenderr here and today
I am going to draw my life for you
I was born on April 12, 1992
in a small mennonite town in rural Manitoba
I have two lovely parents; Randy, who is
actually Superman (but don't tell) Lynelle, and a younger
sister, by four years, Danae. Oh! and cats
I've always had cats
We lived outside of town, so some of
my earliest memories involve
litters and litters of kittens
Danae and I would make them costumes
and cry when we had to find them new homes
My elementary school experience was fairly
uneventful. I remember playing Pokémon and horses
in the schoolyard at recess
I remember bringing my stuffed raccoon puppet
Yes! I said stuffed raccoon puppet
Rascal, for show and tell one day
I told everyone I put boogers up his pouch
which wasn't true, so they wouldn't stick
their hands into him, because I
didn't want him to get hurt
I also remember a lot of camping
As a family, we would pack up the Jayco jay
every summer and head off into nature
and these are some of my fondest memories
To this day, camping is one place where i feel the most
at peace.
Middle school was tough for me
It was early middle school when i experienced my first
panic attack. We were supposed to take a family
trip, fly to a vacation destination and I felt a level
of fear i had never imagined possible
I couldn't breath, I couldn't move, I couldn't think
my phobia of airplanes and my panic attacks
had begun without warning
This was also the time I began having strange dreams
I used to call it having people in my room
I would wake up in the middle of the night
and see things. Sometimes my friends were
there, sometimes strangers, sometimes just
living shadows.
At times the hallucinations were tame, my friends
telling me to get out of bed to play volleyball with them
or telling me to put on pants
Sometimes they were like living in a nightmare
I remember the first time I told my best friend about
the people in my room at night and having
her tell me that I was likely possessed by demons
and should seek and exorcist
I stopped telling people after that, but
middle school wasn't all bad. It was also when I
discovered theatre. I joined a theatre troop in grade 7
And fell in LOVE. I preformed every chance I could
Community theatre, school plays, magic shows
anything. In high school, I jumped at the chance to join
the improv team. And high school was.. alottt
I fell in love for the first time
She was intelligent, funny, beautiful, lets call her Kate.
Pheew. We would stay up all hours of the night talking
about life and love and the nature of the human spirit.
and she mesmerised me. Like I said, I'm from a very
small mennonite town and a religious one at that
I had never heard of anyone talking about girls loving girls
Just about gays going to hell. I was very very
confused. we kept out entire relationship a secret
We told ourselves that we were just really close friends
Close friends that could one day grow old together
Looking back on it now, it makes a lot of sense
but back then I didn't understand. I thought that
my feelings for girls didn't count because they weren't
boys. I spent the summer after grade 11 taking part in
a french immersion program in Quebec. Its was the first
time I had been away from home and I thrived.
Upon return my grade 12 year was one of the hardest
of my entire life. I put ENORMOUS pressure on myself
to exceed in everything that I did. My panic attacks
increased in frequency and unpredictability
And the hallucinations at night were leaving me
sleepless and exhausted. This is the year
I started therapy. It was also the year i discovered the
community on YouTube.In therapy, I was diagnosed
with panic disorder and sleep hallucinations
which are a form of parasomnia. On Youtube,
I created my first video. And then I met a boy :D
Dallas *chuckle* I met Dallas through the improv team
He was talented, kind, and oh so adorable.
I was a rollercoaster, and he was the calm in my storm.
but our butting relationship drove a stake through mine
and Kates. And this only served to make my anxiety and
my sleep cycles worse. So after graduation, I left.
I left everyone. I spent three months nanning and
traveling in Italy and France. I visited Cuba
I spent two months backpacking through Thailand
It was one of the greatest years of my life
and I learnt more about myself then I could've ever
imagined. I discovered my love of travel. I learnt the
term Bisexual. When I got home, i moved out of my
parent's place and entered university to study Psychology.
SHOCK! *chuckle* Thus, beginning another 4 years of
struggle. I doubted myself often, I didn't live up to my
own standards often. My panic attacks once again
increased in frequency, the hallucinations came back
I became a recluse, my new companion, Quitan was my
saving grace. Re-enter, Dallas, we reconnected over
stories of our travels over a shared passion for social
justice, we fell back in love. I was honest with him
about who I was and about everything else.
He comforted me through panic attacks and grounded
me during hallucinations. He brought me grilled cheese
sandwiches when I forgot to eat during obsessive bouts
of studying. He got me Bear for my 21st birthday.
My life changed drastically when I discovered
Mindfullness and Self-Compassion. Not only did I
discover a massive enthusiasm for these practices
but I finally found a way to effectively treat my anxiety
I wrote my thesis on this topic, and I graduated with a
GPA of 4.1. Today, I am ready to be my full self
I'm inspired to tell my full story and hopefully help
someone along the way and most importantly
I'm grateful. So extremely grateful
Thank you for the love and support you show me
everyday. Happy 5 years on YouTube. Happy 100,000
And that's it, that's the end of the video. I hope you guys
enjoyed it, I love you all. Thank you SO MUCH
SO SO MUCH for watching. And I will see you guys next week