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thanks for sending me this crappy game
pole with a bent nice or even better a
bag of poop so thanks
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home alone 2 on the any [ __ ] s now
just like in the movie you're anywhere
but home
you're lost in New York now I'm really
scraping the bottom of the [ __ ] barrel
with this one I mean the first home
alone game was so bad why would you even
bother with this one well it's a dirty
job but somebody's got to do it now the
first thing I noticed besides of course
the title screen and the strangely
placed credits scroll is that the game
is actually in memory of someone now
that's sad so you start the game trying
to escape from this hotel because they
found out that you used a stolen credit
card now you don't want to [ __ ] with
this hotel they'll get everybody after
you not even just the people who work
there but bouncing old ladies with
umbrellas mops yeah crazy bloodthirsty
mops will try to get you vacuum cleaners
yeah they'll suck you up
then there's suitcases even the [ __ ]
suitcases are trying to run you over now
another thing I noticed right away was
that the sound effects are taken
straight from Bart vs. the space mutants
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now that's common for a video game
company to recycle their own sound
effects but that was a claim and this is
THQ damn robbers now nothing in the game
really makes any sense you just run
around and get the [ __ ] off me god damn
it
there's a guy throwing a key now in the
world of video games a key is usually a
good thing you collect keys and use them
to open doors but not this game the key
kills you then you go into these rooms
which have absolutely no purpose
whatsoever sometimes you can find items
some of which can be used as temporary
weapons but the main idea is that you
just run to the right until you reach
the end but then what happens nothing
you can't go anywhere you press the
button and wait for the elevator but it
doesn't happen meanwhile these suitcases
keep flying at you so you start walking
to the right but no that doesn't work
either so what do you do you go back and
explore the whole level exhausting every
possibility until you realize yes you
are supposed to wait for that elevator I
end up pushing the button like a hundred
[ __ ] times and I'm being serious I
don't know if it makes a difference but
basically you gotta wait for that
elevator then it starts dropping you off
on random floors you run all the way to
the right again only to be faced with
the same problem it's a dead end so what
do you do you go left again and when you
get back to the elevator only then can
you advance to the next random floor it
doesn't make any logical [ __ ] sense
so you're just going around dodging
everything and sometimes it's impossible
to jump over people so you really need a
weapon which you can sometimes find in
these rooms but watch out for those
crazy [ __ ] maids that throw pillows
which look like bloody butcher knives
missing handles when you see the old
ladies you slide on your knees like Pete
Townsend which is probably the best part
of the game sometimes the slide can kill
things and other times it can
I didn't even know it could be used as
an attack until I got to the chef
because that's the only way to get past
him is to slide into him now of course
every time you hit him he removes
another article of clothing that was
shirts gone and do I really want to do
this tough [ __ ] God then he leaves his
hat and turns into a pizza okay there's
really no consistency in this game at
all for example most your enemies you
can stun them and then just pass by but
this [ __ ] it doesn't work you shoot
him in the balls and then he still has
his way I just want to get up on those
boxes so I can jump over them but you
can you can jump on the boxes to the
right but you can't jump on the ones on
the left I mean what kind of [ __ ]
sense does that make some of the poles
you can climb and some of them you can't
some of the potted plants you can jump
on the plant itself but other times when
you're in desperate [ __ ] need you can
it's like the game keeps changing the
rules here get up the ladder get the
[ __ ] ladder there's birds should no
over me get the [ __ ] ladder [ __ ] [ __ ]
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Merry Christmas you filthy animals
vegetable [ __ ] cook [ __ ] shitty
games all my life shitty [ __ ] games
I hate shitty [ __ ] games and I hate
shitty [ __ ] Christmas because shitty
[ __ ] Christmas before shitty [ __ ]
games
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my Christmas past
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