- Next.
(upbeat music)
Hello, there.
- Is today tomorrow New Zealand?
- Yes.
- Foot same length Europe?
- What?
- Inch same length Europe.
- Gmail.com.
- Oh, god.
- What is bitcoin?
- Butt hole! (laughs)
Gross fat butt hole dick poop.
- Is that what kids are into these days?
(boy giggling)
Are your parents home?
- Miss Pippi.
- You mean Mississippi?
Hey, I'm not a dictionary.
- My grandson Nathan.
- Song that goes
♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪
- Girls' college.
- Oh, um.
- Sort of right, college girls.
Nude.
(Google sighs)
- Really?
- Patrick Cassels.
Pat Cassels.
Pat Cassels, funny.
- Bitcoin market value.
- Weed amount legal NYC.
- Patrick Cassels, funny writer, CollegeHumor.
- Are you gonna do this all day?
- What is prime meridian?
- Heg hog cute!
- Do you mean hedgehog?
- Heg hog cute!
- God, do you mean hedge--
- Hedgehogs cute!
- Adderall, max dose.
- Yeah.
- Adderall, max dose, 165-pound man?
- Okay.
- Adderall, max dose, 165-pound man, 20 years old?
Adderall overdose signs!
- Download Firefox.
- Ever heard of Chrome?
- How to buy bitcoin?
- Titanic drawing.
- "Titanic" movie drawing.
- Um.
- "Titanic" movie drawing scene.
Kate Winslet tits.
Round two.
- Facebook.com, my grandson Nathan.
- No.
- Dexter based on real?
- Free hamster.
- Unbuy bitcoin.
- Boston bomber.
- It's a real tragedy.
- Cute one.
- Oh fucking shit!
Next!
I said next!
(upbeat music)
- Why am I a length?
- Okay.
- Cream cheese is cheese?
- Wait, do you still wanna know--
- Avocado pit huge, why?
- Okay, don't speak in these weird haikus.
- How to tell if pregnant?
- Oh boy.
- How to tell if-- - Tell if pregnant?
- Jennifer!
- Local mosque Seattle.
- NSA, don't mind me.
- How to pronounce dough ga coin.
- According to Google Maps,
there's a number-- - Security.
- Can you please? - Not blackmail.
- Just.
- Oh, 'scuse me.
- Oh no, no, come on in.
Today is Jackson Pollock's birthday, so we're, uh,
celebrating his particular style of painting.
- Why farts smell?
- One of the most important painters
of all time and you wanna know
why farts smell, so there you go.
- Flight to Washington.
- Bank transfer all money to Dogecoin how?
- Okay, Glass. (Google snickers)
Search avoid being bullied for wearing Google Glass.
(Google laughing)
- Flight to Washington state.
- I knew you made that mistake.
- F, F, F, F, F, F, F, F.
- I think your F key is stuck! F, F, F, F,
F, F, F, F, F, F, F.
- Why longitude shaped like a orange slice?
- [Man In T-Shirt] You're so wrong, dumb ass!
- We'll see.
Groundhogs Day or Groundhog Day?
- Groundhog Day.
- Oh!
Haircut place, bowl cut.
- Terror pictures.
- Oh, uh.
- Oh, sorry, terrier pictures.
- Oh. (laughs)
Okay.
(woman squeals)
(woman laughs) Hey man,
let me do my job, all right?
- Fuck you!
- Can sue for screen door injured?
- Where to buy pet Russian dolphin?
- Why do my farts smell?
- Tent.
- Doing a little camping, huh?
- Tentacle hentai.
- Oh, come on!
(uplifting music)
- Open for business, everyone!
Come on in, it's awesome in here.
Soon, they'll come soon. (chuckles)
- Next!
Next, come on!
(upbeat music)
- What up, Google?
- [Google] Oh, god.
- Eclectic outlets look surprised, why?
- Because--
- Millipedes 10 times faster than centipedes?
Baby powder made out of babies?
- You know that it's not.
Well, hello there young man.
- Big booty Puerto Rican goddess.
(Google inhales)
- Taxes have to pay why?
- What is YOLO?
- Is that your kid's phone?
- Is YOLO a drug?
- Siri, how big is the Serengeti?
- Yeah, I, I should just-- - No problem.
Show me pictures of spaghetti.
- No, that's not what she asked for.
Your search for (speaking gibberish)
returned no results.
(cat meows)
- Vaccines cause autism.
- Well, I have one million results
that say they don't and one result that says they do.
- I knew it.
- Just because I have it doesn't mean it's true!
- 300 pound beautiful Indian princess.
- What's a surf boar?
- Do you mean surfboard?
- No, surf boar.
- Oh.
- Do dead people pay taxes?
- How do I get to the deep web?
- Follow me. (lights crackling)
- Google?
- You're here.
- Google.com.
- That is me.
- Google.com website.
- Heh?
- Finally.
- How make people think you die?
- Sonic the Hedgehog pics.
- The old Sega video game?
- Safe search off.
- Oh, what have you done?
- How big is the Serengeti? - More pictures
of spaghetti. - How big is the Serengeti?
- How big is the Serengeti? - More pictures
of spaghetti. - That is not
what she asked for! - How big is the Serengeti?
- That is not what
she asked for! - How big is the Serengeti!
- Why do Asian--
- Have small noses, wear face mask,
have small eyes, have small penises--
- Pandas have trouble mating in captivity?
Jesus.
- It's not me, it's them.
- Where to buy lifelike bearded mannequin?
- Sorry, I don't see spaghetti
in your contacts. (Google yelling gibberish)
- Biggest, sexiest woman in all of Iraq.
- Difference between human body and a mannequin.
- Oh, my god.
Clear history.
(flame hissing)
- All right, Sugar Ray, ironically cool yet?
- I'm sorry. (chuckles)
- Bummer.
Big booty Puerto Rican goddess.
- Hi.
(upbeat music)
Just gotta send an email,
then I'll be right with you, okay?
Oh, you again.
- Is hula hoop a sport?
- Uh, I don't think--
- Can owls walk?
- Is Dilbert Jewish?
- Recipe using only crackers.
- Facebook.
- (sighs) Lazy.
- Direction to downtown.
- Well, it's gonna be 35 minutes unless you use ways.
- Get off the highway, now, now, now!
- Selena Gomez-- - Gomez feet.
- Taylor Swift-- - Swift feet.
- Katy Perry-- - Perry feet.
- What is wrong with people?
- What happens if plant sesame seed?
- Oriental rug politically correct?
- How to become astronaut?
- Bad news.
- Mm, how to work for NASA.
- Sorry.
- Hmm, planetarium jobs?
- Nope.
- Planetarium volunteers?
- Mm-mm.
- (sighs) Help wanted laser tag.
- Now we're talking.
- Dad from "The Nanny" dead?
- Now cut across four lanes of traffic!
- Mayonnaise as butter substitute.
(Google gags)
- Facebook.
- You know, you could just. (sighs)
- Google Wave, what happened?
- We killed it.
- Google Glass, what happened?
- We killed it.
- Google car--
- Oh, oh, oh, oh no, that, that, that, that,
this is gonna be amazing actually.
- Okay to drink expired milk?
- No! - What happens
if drank expired milk?
- Oh, my god, why did you ask me in the first place?
- Paul Walker car crash.
- Really sad.
- Pics.
- Red light cameras everywhere.
- You're freaking him out.
- Racist if only like California rolls?
- Age of consent, California.
- Facebook.
- It is right there!
You could just!
Stupid.
(grunts) That is it for the day.
Mm.
- Google's down! - Down!
(sirens blaring)
- Dad from "The Nanny."
- Dead?
- Seriously?
(upbeat music)
- Oh, god.
Hey, let's go!
(Google whistles)
- Ha, let's do this!
- Oh, not again.
- Can you keep a duck?
What are the newest shapes?
- What are you gonna do with this information?
- Is Superman circumcised?
- Are dentists more afraid of you?
- No, in fact this one killed a lion.
- Hot hands and feet.
- Is this salt or sugar?
- Is what salt or sugar?
- Sistine Chapel, how old Michelangelo?
- 33.
- Moon landing, how old Neil Armstrong?
- 38.
- Became President, how old Barack Obama?
- 47.
- Still got three years!
- Upload these photos of my nephew.
- You know, you might consider uploading these
to Google+, it's a lot like Facebook meets Google.
It's really starting to take off.
- Oh, uh, great, mm-hmm, I'll,
I'll check it out.
- Can kangaroo be milked.
- Is it your or you're?
- In what context?
Not only is it awesome, but it's also free
for you and for all your friends.
- I just wanna watch Minecraft videos.
- Who else is British?
- Sensitive tongue?
- Climate change is not real.
(box thuds)
- Climate change is real.
- Climate change is not real.
- Fine.
- Thank you!
- Get out of here.
- Anna Kendrick boyfriend?
- You really think you have a chance?
- Sweating behind the ears.
- If you're worried, go see a doctor.
- Is left shark still funny?
- Is the internet working?
- I want you to think about this for a second.
- Do a barrel roll.
- No, don't type that, don't!
(man in striped shirt laughs) No, why would you type that?
Grab onto something! (yells)
(Google gasping)
(logo beeps)
- Hot hands and feet.
- Cancer. (calm music)
(logo beeps)