>>>
>>> WELCOME BACK, EVERYONE. AS PARENTS, WE ALL WANT OUR
KIDS TO BE KIND, COMPASSIONATE
AND EMPATHETIC.
AND EMPATHETIC. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO INSTILL
THOSE TRAITS?
THOSE TRAITS? I RECENTLY DISCUSSED THIS VERY
IMPORTANT TOPIC WITH A FABLESS
PANEL IN REAL TALK.
TAKE A LOOK.
>> I'M SO HAPPY TO BE JOINED BY
THE MOM COACH, SUSAN MORLEY.
CO-HOST OF THE RADIO TALKSHOW
IN THE BURBS, MISS GINA WILD
AND LOCAL MOM AND REALTOR,
HILARY BELL.
HILARY BELL. WELCOME AND THANK YOU.
I LOVE THAT WE ARE TALKING
ABOUT THIS.
ABOUT THIS. >> YES.
>> YES.
>> YES. >> IT JUST SEEMS TO BE THE
MOTTO OF THE YEAR.
>> YES, IT IS.
>> WELL YAHOO STOCK CONTRIBUTOR
CATHERINE WE TALKED WITH
EXPERTS ABOUT WHAT IT MEANS TO
BE KIND AND THE BEST WAY TO
TEACH KINDNESS TO OUR KIDS.
WE WANT YOU TO WEIGH IN ON OUR
FACEBOOK PAGE.
FACEBOOK PAGE. WE WOULD LOVE FOR YOU GUYS TO
WEIGH IN AS WELL.
HELP US UNDERSTAND.
HELP THEM UNDERSTAND WHAT
KINDNESS ACTUALLY MEANS SO
EXPERTS SAY EMPATHY IS HARDWIRED
IN US FROM BIRTH.
WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.
I'M DYING TO KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS
THINK.
THINK.
THINK. SO
THINK. SO WHAT IS KNOWN AS THE NEURON
SYSTEM THAT WE INTUITIVELY FEEL
WHAT OTHERS FIELD THAT IS WHY
YOUR TODDLER MAY BURST INTO
TEARS WHEN THEY SEE ANOTHER
TELL THE CRYING OR A TODDLER
FELL.
FELL.
FELL. AT
FELL. AT THE END OF THE DAY, EXPERTS
SAY THEY ARE NOT TOO YOUNG TO
START TALKING ABOUT IT AT A
VERY YOUNG AGE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?
>> BEFORE I GOT INTO REAL
ESTATE, I TAUGHT FOR ABOUT 19
YEARS.
YEARS.
YEARS. SO
YEARS. SO A LOT OF KIDS HAVE COME
THROUGH MY DOOR.
I HAVE 3 DAUGHTERS OF MY OWN
AND TEACHING 2-YEAR-OLD, 8-YEAR-
OLDS, AND MY CHILDREN WHO ARE
ALMOST 15, 17 AND 19, IT IS ALL
THE SAME.
THE SAME.
THE SAME. THEY HAVE IT IN THEM.
IT IS JUST GETTING THEM TO
EXPERIENCE.
EXPERIENCE. THE 2-YEAR-OLDS HAVE IT.
IT IS JUST --
>> FOSTERING A?
>> IT IS HOW YOU REACT WHEN
THEY HAVE THOSE INCIDENTS.
WHEN A 2-YEAR-OLDS IS ANOTHER
ONE UPSET, IT IS HOW YOU AS A
PARENT RESPOND TO THAT
INTERACTION THAT IS GOING TO
HELP THEM TO CONTINUE WITH
SHOWING KINDNESS AS THEY AGE
AND BECOME TEENAGERS AND YOUNG
ADULTS BECAUSE IF YOU IGNORE
IT, THEN THEY MIGHT THINK WELL,
MAYBE THAT IS NOT APPROPRIATE
FOR ME TO RESPOND THAT WAY.
I THINK IT IS THE WAY YOU ACT
--
--
-- >>
-- >> YEAH.
>> YEAH.
>> YEAH. >> THAT REALLY HELPS.
>> YES IT GETS INGRAINED
BECAUSE WE TALKED ABOUT AROUND
THE TABLE THAT MAY BE SOME
PEOPLE JUST LACK EMPATHY AND
EVEN IF IT IS WHAT SOME EXPERTS
MIGHT SAY YOU ARE BORN WITH
THAT THAT HOW COME WE SEE
SEVERAL CASES OF IT WHERE IT
ACTUALLY IS NOT SOMETHING THAT
PEOPLE CONTINUE TO NURTURE
THROUGHOUT THEIR LIVES?
>> I LIKE TO THINK OF IT AS
EMOTIONS ARE CONTAGIOUS AND SO
IF YOU WALK INTO A ROOM AND
EVERYBODY IS LAUGHING, YOU ARE
GOING TO SMIRK OR GIGGLE OR
SMILE, RIGHT?
SMILE, RIGHT? AND THE OTHER
WE
WE ALL,
WE ALL, ALEX DIRECTS EMOTIONS WERE VERY --
>> THAT WAS VERY SAD.
>> THOSE WERE CONTAGIOUS, TOO.
WE WERE WATCHING A CLIP AND WE
STARTED TO CRY.
WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS WHEN IT
HAPPENS, TO CAPITALIZE ON IT SO
IF YOU ARE WATCHING SOMETHING
AND CRYING BECAUSE YOU SEE
SOMEONE ELSE CRYING AN IT SAYS,
ARE YOU SAID, THEN YOU CAN
EXPLAINED THAT THIS IS NORMAL,
THIS IS WHAT WE DO.
>> I THINK THE EXPERTS HELP
ALONG THE LINES OF WHAT YOU
WERE SAYING.
WERE SAYING. WE CAN DO IT WITH OUR KIDS AND
HELP THEM ALONG, TOO WHEN THEY
LEAVE OUR HOMES.
>> FROM 2 ALL THE WAY UP AND I
THINK LIKE IT WAS MY JOB NOT TO
NECESSARILY TEACH THEM TO BE
BETTER PEOPLE BUT WANT TO BE
BETTER PEOPLE AND THAT IS
KINDNESS.
KINDNESS.
KINDNESS. >> YEAH.
>> YEAH.
>> YEAH. >> WHEN PEOPLE ARE BEING KIND
TO YOU AND YOUR BEING KIND TO
OTHERS, IT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD
AND IT MAKES YOU A BETTER
PERSON.
PERSON.
PERSON. >> THE SECOND POINT IS NOT JUST
HELP THEM UNDERSTAND WHAT IT
MEANS BUT INSPIRE THEIR
IMAGINATION.
IMAGINATION. EXPERTS SAIS THINKING, THE
EXPERTS SAY, WHAT DOES THAT
FEEL LIKE.
FEEL LIKE. I'M SURE AS A TEACHER YOU HAVE
TO DO A LOT OF THAT'S A REALLY
TEACHING THEM AND WHEN YOU TALK
ABOUT EMPATHY, THAT IS A WORD
KIDS MAY NOT UNDERSTAND.
I TRIED TO TELL, WITH MY GIRLS,
IT IS "WALKING IN THEIR SHOES."
HOW SOON IS TOO SOON TO START
THAT?
THAT?
THAT? TALK ABOUT THAT?
>> HILLARY, I'M SURE YOU AND I
WILL BE THE SAME.
GO TO THE LIBRARY.
THERE ARE AMAZING BOOKS.
CHILDREN'S LITERATURE IS MAGIC
AND WE ARE WIRED FOR STORY AS
HUMAN BEINGS.
HUMAN BEINGS. GET THEM INTO THE LITERATURE.
READ THOSE BEDTIME STORIES AND
WHEN AN EVENT HAPPENS,
SOMETHING COMES UP, GO AHEAD
AND SAY, REMEMBER THAT STORY?
I WONDER HOW THIS CHARACTER
FELT OR WHAT WOULD THIS
CHARACTER DO?
CHARACTER DO? THAT REALLY HELPS THEM
STRENGTHEN THAT EMPATHY MUSCLE.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT. >> I JUST THINK AS A PARENT,
TOO, THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO
IS SHOW THEM.
IF YOU'RE NOT SHOWING THEM, YOU
CAN READ TO THEM, OF COURSE,
THAT IS PHENOMENAL BUT YOU HAVE
TO SHOW THEM.
THEY HAVE TO SEE THE EXAMPLE.
THEY WILL ONLY LEARN THROUGH
EXAMPLE.
EXAMPLE.
EXAMPLE. YOU CAN REINFORCE AND NOW MY
KIDS ARE YOUNG ADULTS SO I AM
SEEING IF MY FRUITS OF THE
LABOR HAVE PAID OFF AND AT
TIMES, YOU KNOW, I MEAN,
SOMETIMES I THINK OH, I DID
OKAY AND OTHER TIMES OF NIGHT
OH, I DIDN'T DO SO WELL AT
THAT.
THAT.
THAT. SO,
THAT. SO, YEAH, I MEAN IT IS JUST
EVERYTHING.
EVERYTHING. >> THAT IS THE NEXT POINT, BY
THE WAY.
THE WAY.
THE WAY. MODELING IS KIND OF WHERE YOU
GO SO DR. KELLY HARDY SAYS WE
CAN'T CONTROL THEIR BEHAVIOR
BUT WE CAN LOOK FOR WAYS TO
DEMONSTRATE THE KIND BEHAVIOR
OURSELVES.
OURSELVES. I THINK I DO IT IN A WAY THAT
ANNOYS MY GIRLS.
AND YOU WILL AGREE, KNOWING ME.
I'M SO CHATTY AND MY MOTHER WAS
THE SAME WAY, THOUGH SO I THINK
, I TALKED TO THE WAITRESS
FOREVER, HOW WAS YOUR DAY, CAN
YOU BELIEVE HOW COLD IT IS AND
CAROLINE IS LISTENING BUT THAT
IS THE WAY MY MOM WAS, JUST
SHOWING PEOPLE THAT YOU TAKE A
GENUINE INTEREST IN THEM.
>> IN EVERYONE AROUND YOU.
>> AND EVERYONE.
>> I AGREE WITH THAT.
>> THAT IS SO IMPORTANT.
I USED TO TELL MY KIDS EVERYDAY
WHEN THEY LEFT FOR SCHOOL,
EVERYDAY, "BE NICE, BE KIND."
I DIDN'T THINK THEY WERE ALWAYS
LISTENING.
LISTENING. SOMETIMES THEY PROBABLY WANT
BUT I SAID IT EVERY DAY.
BE NICE.
BE NICE.
BE NICE. >> MODELING IS THE KEY.
YOU MENTIONED THAT. IT IS SO
IMPORTANT WHETHER WE ARE IN A
BAD OR GOOD MOOD, WHETHER AT
THE GROCERY STORE OR ESPECIALLY
WHEN SOMEONE IS NOT NICE TO US,
THAT IS WHEN IT IS REALLY
CRUCIAL BECAUSE GONE ARE THE
DAYS ARE DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I
DO.
DO.
DO. OUR
DO. OUR CHILDREN ARE WATCHING AND
THEIR FRIENDS ARE WATCHING AND
WE WANT TO SHOW INTEGRITY SO
WHEN YOU HAVE A MISSION
STATEMENT, A VISION FOR YOUR
CHILD, THEN YOU CAN REALLY KNOW
WHAT YOU WANT FOR YOUR KIDS AND
YOU NEED TO MODEL THAT FIRST.
>> LET ME ASK YOU, HAVING 3
BEAUTIFUL GIRLS, HOW MANY KIDS?
>> 3.
>> 3.
>> 3. >>
>> 3. >> HOW DO YOU TEACH THAT
BECAUSE YOUR GIRLS REALLY DO
GET ALONG SO GREAT.
>> NOT ALWAYS.
NOT ALWAYS.
NOT ALWAYS. >> HOW DO YOU EVEN TEACH THAT
WITHIN THE FAMILY?
BECAUSE ONCE YOU CAN DO THAT IN
THE FAMILY UNIT I THINK IT IS
EASIER IN THE BIG PICTURE OF
THE OUTSIDE WORLD.
>> YEAH.
>> YEAH.
>> YEAH. >> MY FAVORITE MOTTO WITH MY
KIDS IS YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE
THE SMARTEST.
THE SMARTEST. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE THE BEST
ATHLETE BUT YOU BETTER BE THE
KIND LESS -- KINDEST.
YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR ABILITY
WITH SPORTS BUT YOU CAN CONTROL
HOW YOU TREAT OTHER PEOPLE AT
ALL TIMES.
ALL TIMES. >> I LOVE THAT AND IT SHOWS.
WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK?
MIGHT I DO THE SAME.
I HAVE TWO GIRLS AND A BOY.
THEY ARE ALL YOUNG ADULTS NOW.
MY YOUNGEST IS IN COLLEGE BUT I
THINK IT WAS HARDEST WITH MY
SON JUST BECAUSE BOYS HAVE A
TOUGHER, YOU KNOW, EXTERIOR.
AND THEY ARE TRYING TO KEEP UP
AND IT'S JUST LIKE HIM, BE KIND
WHEN YOU'RE AT SCHOOL AND IT'S
LIKE YEAH YEAH I WILL SEE YOU
AT THE FOOTBALL FIELD.
IT'S LIKE IN SPORTS AND OTHER
AREAS SO IT IS IMPORTANT.
>> MY GIRLS ARE EASY.
>> I WANT TO TAKE A SECOND SO
WE DON'T RUN OUT OF TIME.
EXPERTS SAY IT IS VALUABLE FOR
OUR KIDS TO SEE YOU BEING KIND
TO YOURSELF.
TO YOURSELF. I LOVE THIS.
THIS IS THROUGH SELF-CARE.
THIS IS THROUGH WHAT WE DO FOR
OURSELVES TO HELP OUR MENTAL
AND PHYSICAL STATE OF MIND.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?
WHAT ARE THE WAYS YOU DO IT AND
DID YOU TRY TO MAKE SURE YOU
WERE KIND OF EXPLAINING TO THEM
WHY IT WAS IMPORTANT TO YOU TO
MAYBE STEP AWAY, TO GET A
MANICURE OR STEP AWAY TO GO FOR
A WALK, WHATEVER YOUR SELF-CARE
IS?
IS?
IS? >>
IS? >> I'M GOING TO BE HONEST.
I NEVER SAY NEGATIVE STUFF OUT
LOUD.
LOUD.
LOUD. HERE'S MY THING.
I GET IN THE CAR, GET EVERYONE
IN THE CAR AND WE ARE READY TO
GO AND I FORGET SOMETHING.
>> EVERY TIME.
>> AND SO THIS IS WHAT I OFTEN
WILL SAY.
WILL SAY.
WILL SAY. OH!
OH!
OH! I'M
OH! I'M SUCH AN IDIOT!
>> OH!
>> OH!
>> OH! >>
>> OH! >> THIS IS NOT GOOD.
>> DON'T DO WHAT I DO.
>> MY CHILDREN WHEN THEY WERE
GETTING OLDER, MY TWO GIRLS,
THEY WOULD SAY MOM!
STOP IT!
STOP IT!
STOP IT! I WASN'T BEING KIND TO MYSELF.
SO I LEARNED, UNFORTUNATELY,
JUST BEING HONEST, MY KIDS HAD
TO TEACH ME TO STOP THE
NEGATIVE SELF TALK AND SO I
THINK THAT IS MY ADVICE.
NOT WHAT I DID BUT MY ADVICE
IS, GO AHEAD AND REALLY HEAR
YOURSELF AND WHEN YOUR CHILDREN
POINTED OUT, THANK THEM, BE
GRATEFUL AND REALLY, IT IS HARD.
AS WOMEN, I THINK WE TEND TO,
AS WOMEN, BE EXTRA HARD ON
OURSELVES BECAUSE WE ARE HIGH
ACHIEVERS AND SO WE HAVE TO BE
VERY MINDFUL AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
I WOULD NEVER CALL YOU AN IDIOT
OR YOU OR YOU SO WHY AM I DOING
IT TO MYSELF?
>> RIGHT, THAT IS SO GOOD.
>> YEAH.
>> YEAH.
>> YEAH. >> HILLARY, IF SHE DOES IT, YOU
WOULD CALL IT OUT, RIGHT?
>> IT IS SO TRUE.
I LOVE THE LIFE LESSONS WE
LEARN FROM THEM.
WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOU HAVE A
CHILD WHO IS VERY SHY?
MAYBE THEY ARE NOT THAT PERSON
THAT IS GOING TO GO, RIGHT UP
TO THAT PERSON SITTING ALONE.
MAYBE THEY HAVE THE BEST
INTENTIONS OR THE CLASSMATE
THEY WANT TO STICK UP FOR BUT
THEY KNOW IT IS THE RIGHT THING
TO DO.
TO DO.
TO DO. HOW DO YOU APPROACH THAT WITH A
CHILD WHO IS, I DON'T KNOW, DID
YOU HAVE ANY?
EMMA IS PROBABLY YOUR SHYEST?
>> EMMA IS NOT SHY WITH FRIENDS
BUT SHE IS THE MOST QUIET IN
THE HOUSE.
THE HOUSE. >> HOW DID YOU APPROACH THAT?
>> IT IS THROUGH MODELING.
WHAT YOU CAN DO AND JUST
RECENTLY, I'M HAVING WILLIE GO
TO THE GYM WITH ME AT 6 AM.
>> WOW!
>> WOW!
>> WOW! >> WOW!
>> WOW!
>> WOW! >> SHE IS SO TIRED BUT SHE'S
BEEN GOING TO THE GYM THE FIRST
COUPLE OF WEEKS AND I WAS
INTRODUCING OR REINTRODUCING
HER TO PEOPLE AND SHE WAS LIKE
GOSH, WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING
THAT?
THAT?
THAT? AND
THAT? AND I WAS LIKE, DON'T YOU LIKE
IT WHEN SOMEONE SAYS YOUR NAME,
HEY, WILLIE, WHEN YOU WALK IN?
AND SHE WAS LIKE, YEAH.
>> AND ICE -- YES.
>> AND NOW SHE'S LIKE, IN THE
MODE OF DOING THAT.
I'M TELLING HER, THAT'S WHAT I
DO FOR SOMEONE ELSE.
REMEMBERING THE NAME IS
IMPORTANT TO MAKE SOMEONE FEEL
GOOD WHEN YOU REMEMBER THEIR
NAME IT MAKES THEM FEEL GOOD.
SOMETIMES YOU FORGET.
I HAVE THIS LITTLE GAME I PLAY
IN MY HEAD AND I GO THROUGH THE
ALPHABET AND EVENTUALLY THE
NAME COMES TO ME BUT IT IS HARD
BUT IT MAKE SOMEONE FEEL
SPECIAL.
SPECIAL.
SPECIAL. >> IT DOES AND A SMILE AND MAKE
SOMEONE FEEL GOOD.
>> YES, THE EFFORT YOU MAKE.
>> EXACTLY.
>> EXACTLY. >> IT IS NOT ALWAYS EASY BUT
DON'T YOU ALWAYS REMEMBER THE
PEOPLE THAT MAKE YOU FEEL
SPECIAL?
SPECIAL?
SPECIAL? IT IS GREAT SEEING YOU AGAIN,
CHRISTINE.
CHRISTINE. IN OUR LAST FEW SECONDS, PAY
ATTENTION TO THE EFFECT OF
KINDNESS.
KINDNESS.
KINDNESS. JUST AS WE ARE TALKING ABOUT,
HELP YOUR CHILDREN NOTICE
REALLY HOW IT FEELS TO BE KIND.
TAKE A MINUTE, STOP, DID YOU
SEE THAT?
SEE THAT?
SEE THAT? OH MY GOSH, HE GAVE THAT PERSON
THIS OR WE DID THAT FOR THEM OR
WE COMPLEMENTED THEM.
DID YOU SEE THE WAY THEY
SMILED?
SMILED?
SMILED? AND TALK ABOUT HOW IT MADE THEM
FEEL.
FEEL.
FEEL. >>
FEEL. >> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT. >> THAT IS A NO-BRAINER I THINK
BUT SOMETIMES IN OUR