The Battery (2012): Hey what's up guys. Today I'll
show you a zombie horror film: "The Battery"! Spoilers ahead; watch out and take care!
The movie begins with a lazy man named Fluffy, listening to music on his headphones while
standing in front of a cabin. He seems unbothered at first; but then the music stops playing,
and he immediately fixes the headphones. Fluffy seems to be a jobless wanderer, so he sits on
the front porch and lights a cigarette. After this, he resumes playing music on the headphones,
and even puts on his shades to feel like a boss man. However, Fluffy has to snap back to reality
soon after, as he hears gunshots from inside the cabin. It turns out that his friend named Beardy,
is fighting zombies inside, and they run away after he comes out of the house. The opening
credits roll, and we see both the men living out their lives fighting zombies, and holding
on to their dear lives. Beardy and Fluffy are both revealed to be former baseball players,
and Beardy's preferred weapon of choice is a baseball bat. The two men are also shown to
be chilled-out people, especially Fluffy, who likes to relax and listen to music.
One day, Fluffy tries his luck with some scratch cards, and celebrates as he wins a
thousand dollars. He tells Beardy about it, but he doesn't see the point in celebrating things
that are no longer relevant. Beardy rebukes Fluffy for his French beard, and proceeds to talk about
their shared love for baseball. He uses this as an excuse for them to play a game of catch.
The duo continue their survival journey, and they come across a cabin in the woods. Sensing danger,
they enter the cabin, locked and loaded; but Beardy has to lead the way, because Fluffy is
shown to be a chicken shit. After making sure that there are no zombies in the cabin, Beardy
decides to go fishing, and catch some dinner. He invites Fluffy to come join him for fishing;
but Fluffy is a spoilt brat, who is sick and tired of his seafood diet. He also pulls out all
kinds of tuna cans from their supplies, and Beardy validates his point that they have a smelly diet.
It turns out that Beardy had actually killed a zombie at the cabin earlier, but Fluffy is upset,
because Beardy had apparently told him that there would be 0 zombies in the woods. Beardy corrects
him, because he had said that there would be lesser zombies in the woods as compared to
Daniel CC Movie Channel. Later, Beardy finds a fat but still sexy zombie, hiding inside a human-proof
car; but he ends her fat sexy life without hormone mercy, not wanting to make any zombie
baby with her. He sits inside the car, but feels sick because it's too stinky. Regardless, he and
Fluffy get into the car, and carry on with their journey without any destination. The two explore
nature and stupid radio songs, as they try to find some respite in this zombie world. They eventually
reach a house, where Fluffy's dead girlfriend used to live. Fluffy goes to her room by tracing her
hormone leftover, and sniffs her smelly panties in a creepy fashion. He also puts them in his pocket,
possibly for some urgent hormone therapy when needed. Meanwhile, Beardy scavenges the house
for supplies, and finds some water, along with a couple of walkie talkies. Fluffy joins him
for a brushing session, and they make sure their dental hygiene is maintained at a high standard.
Now Beardy opens up the car, and reveals that it has enough space for them to make it a bachelor
pad. The two men chill at the house for a while, but Fluffy wants to stay there forever. Beardy
is against this, because he has already gotten enough trauma from living in isolated locations
for extended periods of time. It is here where we learn that Fluffy had lost his family early on in
the zombie apocalypse. Beardy also reminds Fluffy that he had to send a dog to meet Jesus, the last
time when they were stranded in a house together. On top of that, the two even ended up eating the
dog meat to satisfy their hunger. Regardless of Beardy's warnings, Fluffy is in love with his
girlfriend's smell in the house, so he begs Beardy to stay there for a while. Beardy entertains him
for a bit, but doesn't lose focus. They eventually get going again, and make new friends when they
see some cows. With their new walkie talkies, Beardy and Fluffy try to figure out the range
of distance they can cover with them. However, Fluffy is too busy listening to music, and acts
like an ignorant jerk. Realizing his uselessness, Beardy acts like a zombie, and attacks Fluffy to
make a point. Fluffy gets scared like a goose with goosebumps, and takes off his headphones.
Now, while checking out the walkie talkies, Fluffy hears another radio transmission between some
survivors of a camp named The Orchard. These survivors are talking about grocery shopping,
and even discuss watching a horror movie, possibly from Daniel CC movie channel. Fluffy is hopeful,
because he thinks that he can finally go back to living a normal life at this camp. However,
Beardy doesn't care about any of this bullshit, and smokes a cigarette without paying any
attention. Fluffy acts on his hope, and starts talking to the camp survivors, begging to be let
into their safe haven. Unfortunately, he's told to shut up his smelly mouth, because the Orchard
camp is not allowing any new visitors, as they are low on room. Fluffy doesn't want to live the
life of a hustler, so he requests the girl on the radio, named Babe, to help him out. As expected,
it's of no use because nobody responds to him, and he is warned against trying to
contact anybody from the Orchard camp. Fluffy asks Beardy what to do, but he tells him to get real,
as the residents of the camp clearly don't want to be found. This makes Fluffy frustrated,
and he tries to radio the Orchard camp once more. It's mainly because he likes the sound of Babe's
sexy voice, and wants to make her his wife. Beardy finds this hilarious, and calls out Fluffy for
only wanting a hormone partner. The two have an argument regarding Babe's supposed appearance,
and Fluffy tries to insult Beardy's messy beard, but he's reminded that he's useless without him.
Fluffy continues to look for people of The Orchard camp, and comes across a cabin, but accidentally
releases more zombies, and gets back into the car like the chicken that he was always meant to be.
Once again, Beardy does all the heavy lifting, but Fluffy tries to act high and mighty. He tells
Beardy that he doesn't need to send all the zombies to meet Jesus, possibly because Jesus
would be annoyed by so many zombies crowding his heaven. but Beardy dares Fluffy to fight at
least one of the zombies to prove his manhood, not chicken hood. Instead of becoming a proud rooster,
Fluffy shows off his chicken personality once again, so Beardy finishes the zombies with his
baseball bat. afterward, Fluffy sleeps inside the car, while Beardy takes a bath in the waterfall,
and flaunts his smelly sausage. However, a zombie girl arrives to flex her sexy figure, and tries to
attack the innocent Fluffy in the car, intending to make a zombie baby with him. He's about to
contact Beardy, but notices that the zombie girl is pressing her curvy body against the car's
zombie-proof window. Realizing that beggars can't be choosers, Fluffy whips out his own sausage,
and tries to make some mayonnaise, while looking at the zombie girl. He's set for a sick, twisted
explosion, but gets interrupted when Beardy shoots the zombie girl without mercy. Beardy can't hold
his beard for a laughter; and he walks away to let Fluffy finish his fishy business. The two men act
as if this incident never happened, and continue with their pointless journey. After some time,
they find a nice house, and Fluffy wants to spend the night there. He angrily tells Beardy
that they're sleeping there tonight, and gets him to agree, despite Beardy's insistence that
they shouldn't ever settle at one location. Later, Beardy takes Fluffy's headphones, and
listens to music while setting up a bow and arrow. Fluffy finds him, and demands for his headphones;
but Beardy tells him that the headphones will only distract him at night, and he won't be
able to hear any zombies approaching him. It leads to a brief argument; but Fluffy walks away, after
Beardy reminds him that he's a useless chicken man. We see a spider going about its business,
and then Beardy teases Fluffy, by saying there's a mural with a girl's painting on it. He proceeds
to make fun of Fluffy's earlier situation with the zombie girl, but gets ignored. Fluffy goes
to his room, and radios to Babe from the orchard camp once again, hoping to get her response. He
gives up hope and lies in bed. but then, Babe finally responds to him. She tells Fluffy that
the camp isn't what he thinks he is; but he doesn't care because he just wants an easy
escape. Babe realizes Fluffy is a lazy man; so she tells him to grow a pair and stick to Beardy
for survival, because this is what life is now. Meanwhile, Beardy plays music and dances to the
tunes, while singing like an opera queen. However, he hears a suspicious noise, and traces it with
his sensitive beard. he checks up on Fluffy, who is sleeping like a "pig" baby; so he decides to
play a prank on him. The next day, Beardy finds a zombie with his mouth tied up, so he takes the
zombie to Fluffy's room, and locks it inside with him. Fluffy screams in a chicken voice, but fights
like an eagle as he smashes the zombie's head with a baseball bat. Seeing that, Beardy is proud of
Fluffy for finally acting like a man, but gets attacked for being insensitive. Fluffy punches
Beardy in his beard, and walks away, frustrated. after that, he finally confesses that Babe dumped
him, even though they were never dating. Beardy doesn't see the big deal, but Fluffy is depressed;
so Beardy decides to cheer him up. The two turn into buddies as they spend quality time with each
other, and Fluffy starts spending lesser time on his headphones. After a cheerful montage of
camaraderie, the buddies find a car, and decide to make it their new ride. However, Fluffy notices
that the car is still hot, so somebody might be around. Beardy looks around for an imposter;
but then, a grumpy man named Grumpy, arrives and threatens Fluffy with a knife to his face. Grumpy
orders Beardy to give him the keys to his car; but Beardy points his gun at him. Grumpy reveals
he wants to go meet his family, and uses Fluffy as leverage against Beardy. However, Beardy handles
the situation calmly, and tells Grumpy that the keys are in the car. He puts his gun away, and
Grumpy leaves Fluffy; after which he gets into the car. That's when Beardy reveals that the keys were
with him all along. Admitting defeat, Grumpy runs his grumpy butt away; but Beardy shoots him down,
and double taps for good measure. Fluffy tries to act high and mighty once again, and Beardy becomes
frustrated; but then, another car arrives. Beardy points his gun at the new strangers,
a woman and her muscular bodyguard "Big G". The woman doesn't want to make things
ugly, so she reasons with the two shitty men to let her fuel up the car, and take it back because
it was stolen from her by Grumpy. That's when Fluffy realizes that the woman is actually Babe,
and calls her by her name. This only pisses off Babe, and she shoots Beardy in the leg,
but spares his messy beard. Babe then takes Beardy's car keys, and throws
them away, while Big G holds the two hostage. After Babe and Big G drive away, Fluffy looks for
the keys, as Beardy is badly injured. He still has enough enthusiasm to make fun of Fluffy, and then
the two go to sleep. However, an entire zombie army shows up at night, and Fluffy wants to drive
away, but the two still don't have the keys; so they're stuck there indefinitely. Time passes by,
but the zombies are still by the car, so Beardy tries to shoot some of them. It doesn't do much,
and the two are stranded once again. Frustrated by this situation, Beardy accuses Fluffy of being
an idiot, because he was the one who triggered Babe, thus leading to the keys being thrown away,
and Beardy getting shot. With nothing else to do, the two sit helplessly inside
the zombie-proof car, with zombies hounding at them from outside. The water starts to run out,
and Fluffy starts to lose patience, thus undoing all the progress he had made earlier with Beardy.
Fluffy uses music to cope with the situation, and blocks the windows with a cloth to avoid
looking at the zombies. The food supply has turned liquid by now, so the two are in a tight spot.
Beardy has had enough of this bullshit, so he figures they should get drunk. Fluffy
doesn't think this is a good idea, but eventually decides to join in on the fun. The two get into
a friendly bonding session, as they joke around and play games with whatever they have inside the
car. Unfortunately, their situation doesn't get any better, and the zombies continue to
hound at them. Enough is enough, so Beardy tells Fluffy that he should try to get out of the car,
and look for the keys. Fluffy agrees to this suggestion, and finally becomes brave. He
gets out of the car through the sunroof, and seemingly goes to look for the keys in the
middle of the zombie army. Beardy is all alone now, so he tries to keep himself distracted;
but it doesn't help that the zombies haven't gone away from the car. Beardy lights up a cigarette,
hoping to ease some of the stress he's facing, and contemplates his next plan of action. The
general level of anxiety starts to rise in Beardy, because he doesn't know whether
Fluffy will come back alive with the keys. As he continues to worry about what's going on outside,
Beardy finally gets some kind of relief when he hears Fluffy's voice. His hope is reignited,
when he opens the sunroof to let Fluffy inside. However, when Beardy asks him if he found the
keys, Fluffy once again proves his useless self. He reveals he got bitten, and still wasn't able to
find the car keys. This pushes Beardy beyond the edge of sanity, and despite Fluffy's chicken voice
begging for mercy, he shoots him in the face, ending his fluffy life. With no one for company,
Beardy is still surrounded by zombies. he spends his time pissing in jars, and eating stale food.
He also keeps talking to Babe over the radio, and states that he's going to hunt her down,
and send her to meet Jesus and Fluffy for what she did. The movie ends with Beardy surprisingly
escaping the car, and walking towards a new beginning, with zombies chasing after him.
This's Daniel CC movie channel! Stay safe and enjoy your day!