America, it's touching us.
But do we really understand our neighbour to the south?
They have 9 more types of Cheerios than we do.
12 beer can cost as little as $7.80. Just let that sink in.
You'd think such a place would be paradise.
But America, the shining city on a hill, is about to elect their President.
And the air is thick with crisis, broken institutions, and foreign interference.
And maybe, just maybe, we should have seen it coming.
Here, as in the rest of America, chaos reigns.
And it is here, the small towns of rural Pennsylvania that might hold a key to the entire election.
Towns like Intercourse.
Pennsylvania is one of six swing states. Battlegrounds without which the country cannot be won.
We have these in Canada. They’re called Quebec.
Alex Keyssar is one of the nation’s foremost experts on US elections, but if 2020 has taught us anything, it’s that no one cares what experts have to say.
So, we found this guy:
What do you Canadians know about liberty? America is the only country that is partially free.
And we’re here to see Trump tonight because he’s the one that’s gonna really give us liberty and freedom.
Nobody else. He can’t win New York, he can’t win New Jersey, he can’t win California, he can’t win Illinois, why would he campaign there, waste his money and time.
He’s gotta get the swing states, he’s gotta get Pennsylvania.
Our sleeveless friend isn’t wrong, but our expert might have something to add after all.
The swing states are real and it is a distortion, a severe distortion of the campaign itself.
COVID-riddled Air Force One has touched down in Pennsylvania five times in the last three weeks.
More times than Trump’s worn a mask this year.
Girls if you see anything you like here, it’s all $5. Any of your Trump swag. We have socks there, made in USA. You get three pairs for $5.
Trump socks. Like his base: casual, discreet, white.
So who will carry Pennsylvania? Biden’s foothold in the cities might give him the edge, but not if Trump can mobilize his rural base.
I think that rural people are very common smart. They got a lot of common sense.
I really like his conservative family values that he’s been promoting.
He’s a regular guy! He’s rich, but he don’t... he doesn’t, y’know.
Everyone in Pennsylvania knows two things:
This Bird in Hand girl’s for Trump.
That the road from Bird-In-Hand invariably leads to Intercourse. And no one is more frustrated than the people of Blue Ball.
Let’s go, Blue Ball for Trump.
Trying to find a Biden supporter here was like trying to find a town without a sexual innuendo in its name.
It was hard.
But eventually, we found Ian.
Well I’m voting for Biden, hope you do too.
Ian’s democratic ditty loses the crowd.
Whether you want to believe it or not, Trump will have Intercourse, and if that’s enough to win Pennsylvania by even one vote, nothing else will matter.
Intercourse for Trump, yes. Yes.
Intercourse for Trump. Yup, lovin’ it.
Trump!