- I wish I was high on 'potenuse.
(class laughing)
(upbeat music)
(bong bubbling)
Hey, you know what?
Let me hit that.
- Really?
- I can handle it.
- I am certain that you cannot.
- Come on, I smoked a ton of weed in the 90s.
- Right, the 90s.
You know, weed just gotten a lot stronger since then.
- You honestly think it's gotten so much stronger
that I just flat out can't handle it?
You think I'm such a lightweight that
if I take one puff- - Keegan,
you already took a puff an hour ago.
We've had the same conversation 15 times in a row.
Yeah.
(bong bubbling)
- Hey, you know what?
Let me hit that.
- Really?
(water bubbling)
This weed is mad tight.
- Yeah, man. I'm super high, dog.
- Hey yo, let me ask you a question on the real.
- Yeah, dog.
Yeah, go ahead man.
- Hey man, where my dookie go?
- Oh.
What?
- My dookie, where do it go?
- It go down in the toilet, (beep) you know that.
- Nah man,
I ain't stupid.
Where do it go after that?
- Come on man, quit playing.
I don't know. It goes in the sewer, you know.
- Everybody's go down there?
- Yeah, everybody's dookie goes down in the sewer.
- Where my dookie go after that?
- It washes out to the ocean.
I guess.
- Hold up, hold up.
Dolphins swim with my dookie?
- I don't know, man.
I mean, I don't, I really don't know.
- We're in the ocean.
- Yep.
- What happens to the dookie?
- I'm just taking a stab at, like a wild guess, all right,
that the dookie like probably go up in the air,
and like evaporates,
and then turns into the cloud or some (beep).
- A dookie cloud.
- Oh, this (beep).
- Everybody's dookie mix up,
goes up into the cloud, and then it rains down.
That's gangster.
- I just, can we stop talking about dookie right now?
- I just thought of something.
- Yes, what is it? What is it, Levi?
- The pieces of my dookie.
- Yep.
- Falls on the ground.
- That's true, yep.
- And becomes a plant.
- Okay. Okay, that's good.
Now we're done with the dookie talk, right?
- Dookie plant
that reaches towards the sky.
Hey, Ced.
- Yeah, Levi?
- If my dookie can make it out of the hood
maybe we can, too.
- Maybe,
maybe, Levi.
(water bubbling)
- I'm telling you, it's totally legal.
These doctors, they'll prescribe medical marijuana
to anyone, man.
- What do I tell him I need it for?
- It doesn't matter.
They want to give you a prescription.
That's how they get paid.
Just make something up.
- Hey, Mr. Washington. Welcome.
- Hey, Doctor.
- I'm gonna ask you a couple of questions.
- AIDS.
- What?
- AIDS.
- AIDS, as in?
- As in I got it,
need lots of weed to get rid of it.
- Oh, okay, AIDS.
Wow, all right.
Are you sure you're not suffering from anything else?
Like, you know, back pain?
- Nope.
- Anxiety?
- Cool as a cucumber.
- How about insomnia?
- Sleep like a baby
with AIDS.
- Okay, Mr. Washington.
Let's just slow your roll for a second here.
If you had AIDS, then I would have
to verify it by seeing test results.
Whereas if you have back pain, or anxiety,
or anything else that I can't test for,
then I can give you this prescription
for cannabis right now.
- Oh. - Understand?
- Oh. - Yeah?
- I see. I get it.
- Awesome.
- My bad. - Good, good, good.
- So- - Leprosy.
- No. Nope.
Because if you had leprosy, I'd have to quarantine you.
- Ouch.
- What are you, no.
Okay, I see your finger's falling off.
- Ouch.
- No, don't do that though.
That's not going to work.
- Scurvy. - Nope.
- Ricketts.
- What? No.
- Consumption.
- No Mr. Washington, something from this century.
- Schizophrenia.
You don't have schizophrenia.
Yes you do. - No, keep it simple.
Please!
What the hell is that?
I don't know what that is!
- It's a fish hook in my lip.
- Just pick something off this list.
- I can't reach it.
- Why not?
- Paralyzed.
- Does your face hurt, Mr. Washington?
- Yeah.
- Then this should help.
(water bubbling)
- Everybody focus up, look.
This party tonight could be a model
for the way that the world should work.
And I just want to say,
I'm totally stoked to the max about it.
All right?
You guys feeling good?
- [Man] Yeah, it's good.
- Dennis, what are you shooting video?
- [Dennis] Yeah, man.
- All right, well be careful with that.
I might run for office someday.
(people laughing)
Now, trust me.
I think that this party can be
the most inspirational party this campus has ever seen.
Is that coming to me?
Let me just grab that.
That's some righteous bud.
That's some righteous bud we got going on there.
We need some bodacious jock babes coming in.
We need some hot-ass punk rock babes.
I don't care where they come from.
The most important thing,
it's imperative that we have a diversity
in the pussy department.
Intercepted.
Don't sleep on Barry O.
Don't ever sleep on Barry O.
That is some major doobage.
(people chatting)
- Hey.
- Apartheid is totally gnarly.
It's a gnarly institution.
Where's he, Dennis?
Hey, come over here.
Get this. Get this.
Okay, we got to have a system in place
to get everybody weed, all right?
So just watch it.
This is how you're gonna do it.
All right this, this is,
I'm really (beep) frosty right now, by the way.
This is your constitution, all right?
It's just a piece of paper.
We got to keep its integrity
because it's going to hold everything together.
This right here,
this is us.
This is the American people.
We're special. We're magic.
Hello, yay. We all live in here.
All right, the most important thing
so we don't get too far apart.
Me and you, we gotta be close.
That's, that's the magic of America is love,
otherwise we're gonna get air bubbles in there.
It's going to start canoeing and everything.
We don't want that.
All right, you get that?
All right, look, I'm way ahead of you, but I'm already done.
Boom, fireworks, 4th of July.
That's for you.
We want like 10 of these.
Oh my God, I'm so (beep) blazed.
I'm so (beep) high.
Oh (beep), what was I saying?
(water bubbling)
- The right triangle's longest side is called
the hypotenuse.
And it's this side here.
See, the longest one- - Hey.
I wish I were high on 'potenuse.
- I wish I was high on 'potenuse.
(class laughing)
- Okay, okay, okay.
Oh, Mr. Morrison it's very funny.
It's very funny.
But let's get back to the lesson.
If you can see, the longest one
where it goes from this point-
- That was my joke.
- I know, man. That was hilarious.
- [Teacher] Of a triangle,
I've labeled them here A, B, and C.
- No, but I mean, I said that.
I said it.
I said that.
- Please, please,
Mr. Jackson, keep your comments to yourself.
Thank you.
Now, the hypotenuse-
(class laughing)
Mr. Morrison, you really got me on that one,
so great.
Oh, oh, Principal Martel, Principal Martel!
Come here, come here, come here.
Tell Principal Martel what you said, Troy.
- Oh, she was talking about the hypotenuse
and I said I wish I was high on 'potenuse.
(class laughing)
I'm sorry.
He likes it.
Principal Martel's cool.
- That's, that's very funny.
- Principal Martel, Principal Martel, I said that.
- Mr. Jackson, that is enough.
- But I said it first.
- Oh, Mr. Iglesias, Mr. Iglesias.
Yes, come in, come in.
- [Gabriel] Sup, peoples?
- Fluffy.
- Comedian Gabriel Iglesias is touring
the local schools today for a charity he's working on.
And tell him what you said.
Tell him what you said.
- I wish I was high on 'potenuse.
(class laughing)
- Oh my God!
That is clever.
That is clever. Very funny.
Very funny. - Right?
Thanks.
- Wait, Mr. Iglesias, Mr. Iglesias,
I'm your biggest fan.
That was my joke.
- You know, it's not really cool, buddy,
to take credit for other people's jokes.
Hey listen, funny stuff.
I'm doing this big tour right now.
You want to see about maybe we can talk about you opening?
I need an opener.
- Sure.
- [Gabriel] What do you think? Is that okay?
- Of course. Of course.
- What?
- Talent, man. - It's nice to meet you.
Thanks so much.
- Look like a Richard Pryor.
Get over here, man. Come on.
- Richard Pryor.
- He deserved it.
All right, so across
from the longest side is a 90 degree angle.
- Good thing I've got a 90 degree dangle.
- Joe, stop it!
You will never be Troy!
- Why are you trying to be like Troy?
Dick.
- Et tu, nerdy girl?
- So, the hypotenuse.
(class laughing)
- What the (beep) is going on?
- I'm gonna piss my pants.
I'm gonna piss my pants right here!
Oh my God!