Do you know what might make a narcissist panic?
By the end of this video, you will have four tactics that will send that narcissist into
a tizzy and turn the table on them in a way that they normally do to you.
I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% divorce attorney and the bestselling author of the books Negotiate
Like You Matter and Breaking Free: A Step by Step Divorce Guide.
And I've helped thousands of people go from lives of drama, trauma and chaos to step into
lives of freedom, possibility, prosperity, and purpose.
And I do the same thing right here in these videos with you.
So before we go any further, hit that little subscribe button, hit that notification bell
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Now if you are dealing with a narcissist, then that narcissist is probably driving you
crazy or actually maybe even feeling like insane and you're thinking, is there any way
to make them panic?
Yes, there is.
But first, let me just go through a couple of the things that they do to you because
it's important to understand that so that you can understand the flip side of it and
what makes them panic.
So a couple of their go to things are things like gaslighting.
Gaslighting is trying to make you think that you're crazy.
And what they do is they'll say, "Oh, we talked about that," or, "Don't you remember that?"
Or, "No, that's not how that went."
Something like that.
And shifting, shifting what they said, shifting what you guys talked about, shifting what
you know you said so that it meets their agenda, which is to manipulate you, and to make you
think that you're crazy.
So gaslighting is definitely one of their favorite, favorite, favorite tactics.
Another one of their favorite tactics is lying.
They are total pathological liars.
The crazy thing I think about narcissists is that they will lie about stuff that they
don't even need to lie about.
You think to yourself, why are you lying about that?
You didn't even need to lie about that.
But the thing is that narcissists think that they need to manipulate everything.
They don't believe that they can get anything just in a normal way.
They feel like they have to lie.
So they will lie about even things that are readily verifiable, which is the thing that's
pretty crazy.
And in a lot of my other videos, I talk about making sure that you document, document, document
everything that you do because they will eventually contradict themselves.
They will eventually put things in writing that are completely contradictory to what
is actually happening or what they've said before.
Now they'll have some explanation for it, but that doesn't mean that you won't eventually
be able to use it against them.
Okay.
So number two thing that they do on a very regular basis is lie.
The third thing they try to do a lot of is intimidation tactics.
So what I mean by that is, is that they will constantly try to make you be afraid.
So they intimidate you in all sorts of ways.
You're afraid that they're going to hurt you.
They're afraid they're going to expose you.
You're afraid that they're going to take your kids.
They're very, very, very good at figuring out what your weaknesses are, what means the
most to you, and that's what they'll go for.
So if you're a mother and you don't want to lose your kids, they'll say, "I'm taking the
kids and you'll never see your kids again."
If you are dependent upon this person for support, they'll say, "I'm going to take everything
and leave you in the street."
If you want money from this person, then they'll use that against you.
So whatever they can use against you, they will, and they'll scare you into thinking
like, "Oh my God, my life is going to be so terrible if I cross this person."
And there's all different types of intimidation tactics that they use.
Some are more violent than others if they're more of a malignant type of narcissist.
Some of them are a little bit more stealth if they're like a covert narcissist, but all
narcissists use the same kinds of tactics.
For the most part, gaslighting is definitely one.
Lying is definitely one as well, and intimidating you in some ways is one as well.
And another thing that they often try to do is triangulate.
This is where they get their flying monkeys involved and they get you to believe that
all these other people have lined up a side by side with them supporting them.
And if you cross this person or you come out and try to expose them in some way, then you're
going to want be the one that looks crazy and you're going to be the one that looks
insane or you'll lose all your friends because everybody believes that this person is absolutely
wonderful.
And so obviously, you're the one that must be insane.
So the term flying monkeys comes back from the Wizard of Oz and it was when the wicked
witch had her flying monkeys on her side.
And that's what narcissists do.
They all do it.
They all try to make you think that they're like so close to all these other people.
And so therefore, you shouldn't come out and try to say anything bad about this person
because everybody else thinks this person is amazing.
These are just a few of the things that they do.
If this is all sounding all too familiar to you, go ahead and give me a totally in the
comments and if you are dealing with these things with the narcissist, which I'm sure
you are, make sure you check out my video on self care when coping with a narcissist.
I will drop a link to that below.
You want to make sure that you're taking care of yourself when you're dealing with a narcissist.
I'm sure all these things sound really familiar to you, but in the end, okay, great.
What can you do about it?
So here's the not so secret secret about narcissists.
That is that they are actually the most scaredy cats on the planet.
They have no sense of inner value.
I've often said they're like the chocolate Easter bunnies that are hollow inside.
They have no sense of internal value whatsoever.
So they've got to go and get all of their sense of value from the external.
And that's what we call narcissist supply.
It's in the form of compliments, money, prestige, whatever it is that they can get to get attention
for themselves on the external.
But the thing is they're super afraid.
So if you pushed back on them enough, they will back down.
So what causes a narcissist to panic, to feel stunned?
Number one, brutal honesty.
They expect, because they're pathological liars, that most people lie too.
They really just expect that everybody else is just as bad as they are and they don't
understand what it's like to be a normal person, that they've never been one.
So they don't get that.
They don't get that people out there actually have integrity.
They understand the concept of it, but they just really don't believe that anybody else
has it.
So if you're just brutally honest with them, it kind of stuns them and they are not exactly
sure what to do with that.
So for example, a covert narcissist is all often sick.
That's one of the things that they do.
They have this whole shtick that there are, they're unwell in some way.
They can't work or whatever it is.
There's always some reason to feel sorry for the covert narcissist.
And so if one day, they're super sick and then the next day they show up at something
fun, something that they want to actually be involved in because of course they don't
want to miss out on getting attention for themselves, just without any kind of sarcasm
or attitude or whatever, just say, "Oh, I'm so surprised that you're here."
You said you were so sick yesterday and you have to be careful because if you say with
any kind of tone whatsoever or they're like super sensitive, they can sense it no matter
what level of sarcasm it is.
They'll feel it.
They'll sense it.
Even if it's not there, they might think it's there.
So just make sure you're really saying it like as if you're reporting the news.
I always say like just the facts, ma'am.
Right.
Just, "Oh, I'm surprised you're here.
You said you were so sick yesterday."
They won't know what to do with that.
So brutal honesty is number one.
Okay?
Number two is pushing back.
This is something that they don't expect, especially if you're used to giving in and
acquiescing to whatever it is that they want.
They will be really surprised and it will make them panic if you push back against them.
If they start to realize this person they thought they had total control over is no
longer listening to everything that they do or doing everything that they say or buying
into everything that they're selling, it will stun them and it will start to panic them
a little bit because they'll be going, "What's going on here?
Why is this person pushing back against me?"
Something like that.
Okay, so that's number two.
Okay?
And number three is exposing them.
They do not want to be exposed for any reason whatsoever.
If you really want to throw a narcissist into panic mode, let them think that they're going
to be exposed or actually expose them.
If they're flying monkeys, find out who they really are.
Or if somebody that they respect gets to see some side of them that they don't want seen,
then that's a really huge way to make a narcissist panic.
So for example, in a mediation situation, if you know something about the narcissist
that they don't want the other side to know, you might subtly say that that fact is going
to come out.
In my world, it could be that the person has a sexually transmitted disease and they are
a doctor in the community.
They probably don't want the world to know that.
So especially if they got it by cheating on you and everything else.
So sometimes not going to court can be a huge motivator for a narcissist.
It can really make them panic if they think that the world is going to see things about
them that they have taken painstaking efforts to hide and make sure nobody else knows.
So number three is exposing them.
Okay.
And number four is losing control in any way.
So remember what we talked about, that they're the most scared people on the planet.
They're really like the bullies.
You know how in A Christmas Story, that old movie that the little boy fought back against
the bully and then the bully ended up running away.
You're really just figuring out what their level is and they're doing the same thing
to you, by the way.
So every time you push back a little bit against them, they'll act up even more.
They'll do more of their lying, more of their control tactics, more of their intimidation,
more of their narcissistic rage.
It will spurn them because they'll think, okay, I just need to clamp down a little bit
harder against this person so that they'll behave and get back under my layer of control.
Or they might start love bombing again.
And then devaluing, love bomb, devalue.
They'll start doing this campaign of love bombing again because they're trying to get
you back into their layer of control.
They're panicking.
So losing control is something that really sends them into a tizzy.
The reason they do all the things that they do, gaslighting, manipulation, lying, all
the things that I talked about at the beginning of this video is because they're trying to
assert control over you because they are so insecure underneath.
And the way that you can make them panic is by having them lose some of that control.
And just like if you have a two year old that has a tantrum, they're conditioning the parents.
It's like, okay, if I scream loud enough, if I have enough of a tantrum here, if I cry
loud enough, then mommy and daddy will give me what I want.
And if you give in it as a parent to that child, then they'll know next time, I just
need to scream louder.
I just need to scream longer and eventually they'll give into what I want.
So what the narcissist is doing is trying to figure out at what level do I need to act
at to get this person back into my layer of control.
And if you give into that, then they know I just need to be that much louder, that much
more awful next time in order to get this person to come back to my layer of control.
So if you really want to make a narcissist panic, let them realize that you're no longer
buying in to that stuff.
When they start losing control, that's when they super panic.
It's all a pretty sick game, but they are sick people.
And if you want to know more about how to outsmart the narcissist, check out my video
on How to Outsmart a Narcissist.
I will drop a link to that below.
And if you liked this video, give it a like, give it a share, drop me a comment.
I really do try to respond to all my comments that I receive on my videos.
I really appreciate you guys and if you haven't already, hit the subscribe button, hit the
notification bell.
And also if you're getting ready to negotiate with the narcissist, you'll want to grab my
Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet.
It's totally free.
And the link to that is below.
You will not want to walk into a negotiation without that.
I also have a totally free Facebook group.
It's called Narcissist Negotiators, and I will drop a link to that below.
I'd love to see you in my Facebook group so that you can connect with other people who
are dealing with narcissists and give each other support.
I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% divorce attorney.
I'm so glad you stopped by here and watched this video and I will see you in the next
one.
In the meantime, today is a great day to start negotiating your best life.