Hey guys welcome back. I'm so excited that you were joining me for another video
I think you're really gonna like this video because I think it's something that most people
need practice with
And need more information on that way they can start implementing this in their life
And that is how to set boundaries with people this is something that's really important
And it's important in every aspect of our life whether that's an romantic partner intimate relationship friendship
Business anything we have to know how to be able to stand up for ourselves
Enforce boundaries know what our standards are and to be able to help guide people towards how they should be treating us
right so we teach people how we want to be treated at every moment in time by what we
Tolerate so by setting boundaries is letting people know what we will tolerate what we won't tolerate and what?
Happens if they continue to break those boundaries or cross those lines that for us are
Disrespectful, so if you are new to my channel please hit the subscribe button below so you can be notified when I upload my latest
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Appreciate all of your support and comments and likes and everything it really gets me
Empowered and motivated and excited to do these videos every single week for you guys, so I love all the feedback
Thank you so much
so one of the things that I talk about a lot on my channel is this aspect of self-love and
Why it's so important
You know if we don't know how to love ourselves if we don't know how to take care of ourselves
motivate Ourselves stand up for ourselves
Then we're always going to attract people into our lives that will take advantage of us that will manipulate us that will hurt us
We'll always allow people to just
Dictate how they want to behave and treat us because we don't have any standards or boundaries
and we don't we aren't really loving ourselves, so when we really love ourselves, we
Show people how we want to be treated. We take care of ourselves day in and day out. We have
healthy and positive self-talk that helps motivate us towards
Whatever it is that we're trying to achieve in life or just to be happy and fulfilled in life
Be content with where we are no matter what stage of life were in I know one of the things
Recently that I've been getting a lot of either on Instagram if I'm posting something or a comment on a video on Facebook
Anything like that is Boundaries Boundaries boundaries
You know how to set boundaries how to enforce boundaries and that really is a big part of self-love
And it's a big part of attracting healthy relationships and sustaining relationships
You know even people that we've had in our lives for years and years
Maybe we didn't set boundaries with them in the past, but we need to start doing it now
So this is really all about just like self development
Learning, what are the what are the things that I'm not currently doing in my life for myself that are self loving that are taking
Care of myself that I need to start implementing and a lot of people have been asking me about boundaries
How do I set a boundary? What do I do?
you know someone breaks the boundary just all of those different types of things so I want to kind of backtrack and
so often we're not taught what a boundary is we're not really taught as
We're growing up how to set boundaries with people one of the things that happens
Really often with people that have poor boundaries
Often these people are the codependent the people pleasers the people that don't like to say no they don't like
confrontation
You know they never learned how to enforce boundaries. They're not self assertive. You know they don't always tell people
What is acceptable? What's not acceptable? They just don't really ever stand up for themselves
They kind of just take everything that comes along and a lot of us are guilty of that
I know I was guilty of that for years and years where it wasn't that
I was even aware that I wasn't doing something. I wasn't even aware that I wasn't setting boundaries
I wasn't aware that I was missing this part of my life that I needed to really take charge of and start loving myself
Right I didn't know what any of that stuff?
Meant I didn't know what it looked like and it wasn't until I had a couple of you know really painful
Experiences in my life with people that it kind of just woke me up, and I was like wow I never really
Enforced boundaries of people I never really was taught what that was I was feared confrontation?
you know I was always a little bit of a people pleaser, and I had some codependent issues that were happening so a
Lot of this stuff when people asked me you know like how do I set a boundary the first thing is you have to know?
If a boundaries even been violated and half of the time I know for me
I didn't even know that a boundary was being violated I kind of just
Overlooked a lot of things and I let people say certain things and do certain things that were
unacceptable
And I kind of knew they were unacceptable, but I didn't know how to handle the situation
And I always made excuses for other people you know again
I didn't force that boundary and even if they kind of you know tossed and broke that Boundary
I didn't know what to do at that point. I felt like cutting people out of my life was harsh
You know I was like
Oh, we don't really need to go there like we're all human and stuff like that
But the reality is some people are not meant to be in your life, and that's okay
And I think that's something that I struggle with for a very long time. I had this
Envision I had this thing in my mind
That you know if someone does something to hurt me that I would offer forgiveness
And I would move on and while forgiveness is really important for yourself
At a certain point you have to accept that maybe people are just not right for you
And they shouldn't be in your life
And when you start you know clearing out the trash your life and taking out the garbage
Then you start to live a peaceful life a happier life and you make space in your world
It's and then attract good people into your life
And the people that should be there the first thing with setting boundaries is you have to know if the boundaries been violated like I?
Just said and in order to know if a boundary has been violated you have to know what your standards are in
Relationships, so if you say, I want people to respect me, I think a friend should be respectful of me
Then you have to know what that looks like you know if you say for an intimate relationship
You know this is what I want honesty to look like you know. I want a partner that's honest with me
Well you need to be very very specific with that
And you have to know when someone is crossing that line
When someone is violating that boundary or that standard that you have in your life for relationships?
And I never really knew that I didn't I didn't always know that because I didn't know
What my standards were you know I had some of like
Non-negotiables, you know a couple, but I wasn't really clear on what I expect out of the people in my life
What are who are the type of people that I really want to surround myself with I never really asked myself that question I
Kind of always just took
Whoever came into my life, and
Over time you know I would have the same friends for years and years and years
And then I never really took an inventory of like are these people
Leave for me are they even good for me?
I never did that and I know so often people don't do that as well
You know we've been friends with someone for so long in this marriage or this relationship for so long we have
Aunts and uncles and cousins and family members that we can't just you know never see again
We're going to see them at family functions, or we're gonna see them from time to time
How do we start enforcing the boundaries so the first thing is know your standards and relationships?
And that's absolutely huge the next thing is
When someone violates a boundary of yours when you have a standard of how someone should be treating you and they don't do that
You and they they violate that boundary you will feel it in your body
You will feel a lot of time. It's anger that people feel or
Frustration or sadness quite frankly you know they'll get all of these emotions, and this is where you start practicing
Self-love where you master your emotions which means when someone violates you right?
We don't just react with anger we come from a calm place, and we tell people. What is acceptable?
And what's not acceptable? And this is something that when I finally got this it changed my life because
So often I would come from this ego place of you
Just did something that hurt me or you did something that bothered me
And you did this and I would come from this anger
I would come from this angry place instead of just being very calm and self loving to tell someone excuse me
What you just did was unacceptable, and I will not tolerate it for me
this was huge when I stopped reacting to every little thing that someone did that I felt was a violation of a boundary or
Disrespectful to me. I stopped that type of reaction reacting to people and I came from a very self loving place
Which is actually very calm when you are loving yourself, and you're taking care of yourself
You come from a calm place because you know that you're self loving
And I'm gonna tell you exactly what I think and how I feel. I'm not gonna stay with any attitude or anger
I'm taking control of my emotions, and how I feel in my state. You know I'm not meeting. You down at your negative level
I'm just staying at the vibration that I am and I'm telling you matter-of-factly what I think and how I feel that is a really
Really empowering place, and I'll tell you when you can start coming from that place you will
Not be in as many arguments as you probably once were because you're not getting that other person riled up
People will actually begin respecting you a little bit more because you're not coming from that anger place
You're saying something with confidence
you know with self-esteem and your being self loving and people react positively to that, and if they don't then
Then they don't it's okay
they can continue to get angry because we're staying in the state that we're in which is just a
Confident self loving place of telling someone what we think and how we feel and what's gonna happen if a boundary continues to get?
Violated so once you know what your standards are and you begin to start recognizing
When a boundaries been violated now you have to determine what do you want to do about it? You know
How are we Gonna basically?
State what our boundaries are to people and the example that I love to give and this particularly happens a lot in
Dating you know when we're dating and we're just starting to meet someone
We this is the best
time
When you first start meeting people whether that's a relationship or a friendship or anything the beginning of any relationship is always the easiest
To show people who you are what your standards are and how you want to be treated?
It's the easiest because there's no baggage from the past that you have to clean up
and
I had a client once that came to me and she was dating and she met this guy and they were
kind of hitting it off and
After you know like a week or so of going out a couple times
She noticed that he would always text her and she was like you know
I really want to find a partner where we're
Connecting and we're talking on the phone and we're getting to know each other aside from just like going out and having dinner and like
Doing things together like those
Conversations over the phone in my opinion are that building of the friendship and I was like that's that's great
If that's a value to you, and that's important to you
Then that's what you need to express
And so she did she expressed it to him and she said you know going forward. I don't really want to be texting as much
And would love for you to just give me a call
And we could chat on the phone sometime and he of course gave her the you know
I just I'm a tech sir, and it's just easier type of excuse and she said okay
I understand that but for me. This is what I'd like in relationships, and I think it's really important
So the next time you reach out
I would love for you to call me and of course a day or so later he sent her attacks
So he was testing her boundary
he wanted to see what was she going to do and
Because she came from a whole healthy place and she was loving herself at that
Moment. She just told him she's like um you know I really wanted to hear from you over the phone the next time it long
Story short she ended up catching him in a few different lies, but she stuck to her guns
She didn't come from a lack place where she was feeling insecure or she wasn't secure well
She was desperate for a relationship
And she wasn't self loving
And she just let that go and she said well at least he's reaching out
You know at least at least I'm getting the bare minimum, basically know her minimum was she didn't even have a minimum
This was her standard and she expressed it and enforced it, and he didn't rise to the occasion
and he fell he fell off like I always say and
she was proud of herself for doing it and she realized actually how easy it was to do and
Because she was so confident in her in herself and she knew that she deserved a great partner
She didn't come she didn't think she was losing anything
You know she had a couple months of dating him they had fun
They had a good time, but at the end of the day
She wanted something more she wanted an intimate deep relationship with a man and obviously he was incapable
So it was almost like reassuring for her. I felt like that
She kind of proved to herself that she could actually do this when she's dating and I know that's something that's really
Important when people are out there dating is setting those standards and those boundaries so once we know our standards we start enforcing boundaries
One of the things that's gonna happen and and this is really just for people that have already been in your life
people that have already been in your life know you as a certain person and it's
All of a sudden you become this different person and now you have standards now you have boundaries
And you're enforcing them and you're being assertive, and you're being self loving
And you're not attacking anyone you're not coming from an anger place
You're just coming from a confident place where you're really taking care of yourself
That's Gonna throw a couple people off
And this is a point in your life where a couple of people in your life might drop from from the equation
And if not then they'll rise to the occasion, and they'll stay a part of your life
And they'll respect the new you and see all the changes great changes that you're making in yourself and respect you for them
But a couple of things are gonna happen when you start enforcing boundaries with people that are currently in your life
the first thing is you are probably going to get backlash you're going to get backlash from
you know the
Narcissistic aunt or the manipulative friend or just any of those types of people that like to test boundaries
They like to push boundaries to see how much they can get away with so these are the people that are Gonna. Give you backlash
like I said these are the people that are used to a certain you and you're not that person anymore and
Two of the biggest things that you have to remember when you're setting boundaries is stand your ground
and if you have never set boundaries before if you have always feared
Confrontation if you've been codependent if you are a little bit of a people pleaser. This is going to be hard
standing your ground is a tough place to be in but just know that when you're doing it and someone's giving you backlash or
You know telling you that you're being selfish or whatever it
Is that people are throwing your way any kind of shade people are throwing your way?
Just know that that has nothing to do with you, and those are all manipulative tactics
To throw you off your game to throw you off your boundary. You know these people don't want you enforcing boundaries on them
they don't want to take responsibility for anything and
They don't probably like this new you you know anything that's come to the surface
But this person is here to stay the next thing is don't feel guilty again
This is another tactic that people are probably gonna throw your way to you know throw you off your game of being this
Empowered self assertive confident self loving person, but
Don't feel guilty don't feel guilty for saying no don't feel guilty for setting a boundary if someone thinks that you're being you know
Cranky or
I'm too assertive, or aggressive
Or negative or you know if you're saying no, and someone doesn't like it that has nothing to do with you
That's their problem, and it has nothing to do with you
You are saying no, or you're enforcing a boundary and you're telling someone what's acceptable and non acceptable behavior because you
Finally love yourself
And you know how to set boundaries with people and you know how to enforce them and all of this that someone is doing is?
Just to test you to see if you're actually strong enough to rise to the occasion
So just know that none of this stuff has anything to do with you
And if someone actually is trying to make you feel guilty for setting a boundary or saying that you're being you know
Cocky or conceited or why are you doing? Whatever it is right and just that has nothing to do with you?
I know for me. I was like
Oh this feels amazing when I finally realized that everything that people are trying to throw my way
Had nothing at all to do with me
I always took everything on I believed what everyone had to say and when I
Started learning how to really love myself and I started enforcing boundaries
I was okay with the fact that some people aren't gonna want to rise to the occasion
They're not gonna respect my boundaries and what I and how I feel and what I think and that's okay
Because what will happen is those people will drop and you'll invite new people into your world that are at your same level
So I hope this has helped all of you guys out there if you like this video don't forget to give it a thumbs up
Don't forget to leave any comments or questions in the comment section below and don't forget to hit subscribe
And I will see you in my next video. Bye
you