“You people can’t handle your booze.”
“Can you do Kung-Fu?”
Okay, “Oh I’d love to go to China!” Then go!
I’d love to go to China too, I mean. Still haven’t been to China.
I mean they say that it’s just that because they think that you are from China, right.
I mean where are you come from? Singapore.
You see a face like yours or mine and it’s like they must be from here because there
is no way that there could be all these different countries like Vietnam and Cambodia and Thailand
and Korea and Japan, there’s no way there’s those places because Asia is just Asia.
And then you come out with, “I’m from Brixton.”
“Ching Chang Chong!” You have to do that at the same time like,
“Ching Chang Chong!” My name, darling, is Sun Ting Wong, you got
it wrong. Ching Chang Chong, Ping Pang Pong, Wing Wang
Wong, Ling Lang Long. People shout like XXX at me, which means,
erm. Kung Hei Fat Choi
Happy Chinese N ew Year. Happy Chinese New Year.
Konichiwa. Konichiwa, yeah.
I’m not Japanese. I get, “Konnichiwa” a lot.
A person, usually a guy, will go up to me and say “Ni hao” and then usually my response
is XXX You know what’s a f****** joke? Learning
Cantonese, you try learning Cantonese, which has nine f****** tones, and one of the tones
doesn’t even start at the beginning. How do you not start a tone at the beginning?
“Can you Kung Fu?” No, but I can lift my leg and kick your ass.
“Can you Kung Fu?” I have been thrown stones at by kids and then
I was like, “What you doing? Come over here,” and then the kids were like “What, you’re
like Jackie Chan!” I was like. I feel like they think it’s our culture.
Yes. But it’s just a part of our culture.
Yeah, also it’s. And not everyone can do Kung Fu.
Yeah. As much as I love watching Jackie Chan films
and Jet Li films, there’s like no other Asian male role.
We were born and raised with Kung Fu. Yeah, in the womb. You were doing your-
Yeah, absolutely. Your XXX in the womb.
And- But even if you do it as a hobby you do it
in the do jo, you don’t do it in the streets you know.
No. You don’t really see...
That’s not what you’ll get when you visit China.
Oh you like this one? What is this? I bet I know what it is.
“Have you got a tiny willy?” Ouch.
Does he look like he has a tiny willy? I haven’t seen another guy’s dick so I
don’t know, like I can’t compare. Besides, you could be a grower not a looker.
My white friends if they know that I’m dating someone Chinese, um, it would come up, like.
Oh it’s come up, has it come up? It’s come up.
Oh ok. What do you say? It’s okay.
Yeah? I’m on your side.
Okay thanks. So the stereotypes are Asian men are always
a little bit more on the soft side. But East Asian girls are like the most fetishised
out of like all the women. I’ve met so many guys over the years that
they go out with my plainly just because they have a thing for Asian women.
You know what they say, once you go yellow, you will have a sustainable family life and
everyone will love you and the food will be great. That’s the, that’s a very famous
saying, if you didn’t know.
“I love your slitty eyes.” So I once had someone say to me, um, “What
does it feel like to see the world in widescreen?” I’ve heard that before, sixteen by nine.
Like when people pull their eyes apart. Oh yeah.
And they will like this, posing for a photo, like a group of four of them.
Oh no they didn’t. And I was like “Arghh!”
There was that Chinese, Japanese. Chinese you pull your eyes up, Japanese you
pull your eyes down, dirty knees you like, you go like this with your knees and you go,
“What are these?” because it’s like tits.
“I love Chinese takeaway!” So do I.
I’ve heard it called a “Chinky boo.” “Connor, you like Chinese takeaway right?”
No, it’s gross, I don’t like Chinese takeaway. It’s like “What? How can you not like
Chinese takeaway, you’re Chinese?” I have to say, usually when people say that
“I love Chinese takeaway,” they usually just mean that “I love sweet and sour chicken.”
It’s like the really watered down like, um, westernised version of what my family
makes at home. The only time when I find I like Chinese takeaway
a little bit more is when you actually know the person who’s making the Chinese, and
you let them know that it’s, hello, you know, it’s me.
What and you think they make a different one for you?
Yes! Chinese food is not all about sweet and sour
chicken or about orange chicken or, you know. Chicken chow mein.
Chicken chow mein, all those things, we have a plethora of delicious food.
Never order sweet and sour chicken, I order sweet and sour pork.
Don’t eat pork. That’s more authentic.
“Do you ever wish you were white?” We all know that black don’t crack, Asian
don’t age, son. Because like I did wish I was white, um, like
because in Philippines it’s attractive to be pearl white.
I think at some point in high school it switched from me not wanting to learn Chinese to wanting
to put the effort in and learn it, because it’s a f****** hard language.
Mm-hm. I like being Asian, I like being naturally
how this looks, I’ve got smooth skin. Yeah.
And erm, like, yeah I don’t shave by the way.
Because I’m East Asian but I’m also British so it’s good to have the two, you know,
the duality. Mm-hm.
I do want to be panda, because you’re black, you are white, and you are Asian.
Yeah. Best of all the worlds. So if everybody is panda, literally this world
will live in peace, vc