- [Narrator] Worked his juicer to a pulp.
(Jenn and Jordan laugh)
- Wild and insane ways,
people supposedly kicked the bucket.
Today we are reacting to
1000 Ways to Die for the third time.
And here with me today is my favorite person.
My wife, Jenn. (magical chiming)
- Hi, everyone!
If you didn't already know, I used
to act on this crazy show, but luckily I never died.
I can't say the same for the people
in these scenes who are about to see.
- [Jordan] Let's dive right in.
- [Narrator] Ted was a 70 year old
in a 35 year old's body. - It looks like Hulk Hogan.
- Oh, that's like what I do every day.
- [Narrator] How did he get so inflated?
(Jenn and Jordan laugh) (record screeching)
- This is Jordan every day, like a dork.
- (laughs) Get out of here.
You gotta be careful with those,
like, weird explosive movement.
You can have, like, tendon ruptures,
and your muscle like gets all like balled up.
- I can tell you that much, because
I've been in the chiropractor many times.
(Jordan laughs)
Oh my gosh, okay, wait.
It's now me! It's me in the kitchen.
That was literally me today.
I juice striped before this.
- [Narrator] The mixture of vegetables
and steroids to pump him up.
(Jenn and Jordan laugh)
- I don't think ingesting orally steroids, actually...
- I thought you had to get shot up in the butt.
Not that I know from experience.
- Right, we give steroids in the hospital
for different types of airway. - It's not the same type
of steroid, though.
- No, it's a different type of steroid.
- [Narrator] The only thing Ted truly loved
was his juicer.
(juicer whirring) (Jordan laughs)
With three quarter horsepower engine.
- Oh my gosh.
- [Narrator] It sliced the raw produce into bits.
- He's getting close to that. - [Narrator] And then,
and then centrifugal force separated out the juice.
- What's gonna... Something...
- [Narrator] Ted worked his juicer to a pulp.
(Jenn and Jordan laugh)
- He worked that juicer to a pulp.
- Ba-dum-tsh.
- Did I write this show? - Oh my gosh.
- I love a good pun. This is hilarious.
- [Narrator] Ted's juicer had an expiration date.
- Uh-oh. - Okay, okay.
- [Narrator] After years of abuse,
one of the wires shorted out.
- Okay. - [Narrator] The juicer
overheated and suddenly went...
(juicer cracks) - [Both] Ooh!
- Exploding! You know, this actually happens.
Different appliances actually explode.
- What?!
- [Narrator] When the smoke cleared, Ted...
(Jenn gasps) - Oh!
- Oh, no! - Oh, it got 'em!
It's a lawsuit waiting to happen.
- Would that instantly kill him?
I feel like... - No.
- You're saying no.
- No. It's still stuck there,
so it's not like he's bleeding out yet.
- Because he didn't remove it.
- Don't remove it.
Run to the hospital like that.
(record screeching) Well, don't run.
Have somebody take you.
- Done. - Okay.
- No! - Oh!
Don't be doing that, bro.
- Oh, shit.
(Jenn giggles) Oh!
(beep) (boy cheers)
She's just firing randomly from the hip?
Can't do that.
- First time I ever shot something like this
I definitely held it wrong, and the impact
in the recoil into my shoulder,
I had the most massive bruise on my shoulder.
- You could get shoulder dislocation.
- [Narrator] His two passions
by making videos of trigger, squeezing hotties.
- Oh! He's just being a creeper.
He's getting girls using his weapons,
and then posting them online
with this old school camera.
What?! She's got a freaking Uzi.
- [Jenn] I haven't seen one of these since Rambo!
- Not good. No safety glasses, no ear protection.
What the heck is going on?
- [Narrator] The combination of Irma and an Uzi
turned into a real boo burn.
(both gasps)
- Ooh! No! - What?
- How many of you have actually shot a weapon
and got that hot bullet casing.
The collar of your shirt.
- Because it flies out.
- 'Cause they fly out, right? They get ejected out.
Oh, they burn.
- Oh, no!
(chaotic music)
(woman screams)
- (laughs) Oh my gosh! - Ooh!
- Oh my gosh!
- Plot twist.
- He gets direct shot right to the heart.
You got the classic blood coming out of the mouth.
- I was just gonna say that.
I was like, "Why is blood coming out of his mouth,
but hit him in the chest?
- If it hit the esophagus, or it hit the airway.
- Maybe it's... - Maybe.
But that's the only way you can get blood out of the mouth.
- Is there any way to come back from this?
- Yeah, you can potentially survive it.
You'll need your chest cracked open
to be able to get to the heart right away.
And then you have to see if you can close the wound up.
- [Narrator] Dave was a building manager
who kept an eye on things. - Oh, Dave.
- [Narrator] The problem was - That's my uncle's name.
- [Narrator] He kept too close an eye.
(both gasp) - No, no.
- Ooh, creeper! - Wait, what is that thing?
- He had like a manual drill,
so it's not making a lot of noise.
And now he's taking like a fiber optic camera.
(word dings)
- Bath time.
Get yourself nice and clean. - That's so creepy.
(ceiling cracks)
- Oh my. (screams)
- Oh! Because there's so many holes!
It made the floor unstable! (Jenn laughs)
- Serves you right, creeper!
- Boom! Karma's a B!
I feel like in homes, if your TV's not secured,
or your dresser and it comes down on this.
- Oh yeah, we get a lot of people come in, like,
"We were trying to climb up
to get something high up." And they fall.
Or whatever they're trying to get
falls on top of them.
- [Narrator] His fat head was crushed,
and his brain went splatter, and his lights went out.
- Oh, no.
- If you get crushed by that, you're probably okay.
So I was saying it's like 500 pounds at a weird angle.
Hitting your neck, (bath clanks)
basically crushed his cervical spine,
lacerated vessels of the neck.
There's a lot of things that could happen.
It was so fast we just don't know.
I've seen many patients come in, unfortunately,
with their brains hanging out, and they're still alive
and you potentially can get their body back,
which gives time for organ donation.
- [Narrator] Criminals and evil-
- Yes! Wait a minute. - Oh, yeah!
We got Robin with a pair of brass knuckles.
- I've been to some Comic-Con events,
and I've definitely seen this guy.
- [Narrator] One man, crime fighting force.
Keeping us all safe from harm.
- Oh my gosh.
- [Narrator] Was this mass Crusader?
(intense dramatic music)
- It's time.
- [Narrator] He's part-time superhero and full-time dork.
- Oh! (Jordan laughs)
He's so cute!
- Dorks are great. They keep the world going around.
- I married one. (Jordan laughs)
- "I married one." Thanks a lot.
- You dressed up as Clark Kent, slash Superman,
one year for Halloween.
- Yeah, and one patient actually said "F you, Superman."
(Jenn and Jordan laugh)
- [Narrator] Every day he slips
on his custom made hero costume.
Straps on and electric- - Oh, I love it.
He kinda looks like- - Ooh!
Electric cattle prod.
(intense music) - What's being used for?
- I don't know.
It's like a taser, right?
(cattle prod buzzes) - [Both] Ooh!
- [Narrator] The bad guys.
- Red justice is in.
- [Both] Red justice!
- Yes!
I'm trying to think of what my superhero name would be.
Well, your speak.
- I don't have a superhero, I just have a nickname.
Wagz. - Oh, yeah.
- [Narrator] Up on the roof, a crime in progress.
To the rescue, onward and upward.
- Oh, parkour!
(Jen and Jordan laugh) - [Narrator] This is a job.
- (laughs) He's face diving.
He almost fell. Not really moving with del and grace.
- He doesn't have superpowers. - I love the idea of him.
(group laughs)
- Disperse immediately!
- Captain Buzzkill. Beat it.
- Captain Buzzkill. - [Jenn] Yeah. (laughs)
Oh, geez.
- [Narrator] This tangled-
- Oh, no! Oh, no! - Oh, oh, oh.
- [Narrator] He meets a force he can't beat.
- He used the cattle prod.
- It looked like right before he fell,
he twisted his ankle too.
- Yeah and ankle sprain can rupture
all the ligaments on the outside,
making your ankle unstable.
In basketball players happens all the time.
(Red Justice screams) - Oh, shoot.
- [Narrator] Gravity.
(Jenn screams)
- Yeah, you probably would die right away.
Falls greater than three times your own height,
I've said it before, are major traumas.
Back fractures, pneumothorax, hemothorax.
- What does that mean? Hemo, hemo.
- Hemona, hamena, hamena. (Jenn laughs)
- Hemothorax is when you have blood
surrounding the lung on one side
and it's starting to collapse the lung.
You have pneumothorax where air
is compressing down the lung on that side.
So again, you can't breathe well.
- These were crazy.
- Always, these are always great,
because it's always trying to understand
there are situations where a lot of these things
could actually be true, and not an embellished story.
- Absolutely. You hear a weird, freak things.
Let us to know, I guess, if you want us
to do a round four of this.
- I mean, I love this. This is so much fun.
- I know, there are so many.
Or maybe some other shows.
- Let us know.
And if you guys really enjoyed this
check out the whole series right here.
And as always, please make sure you subscribe.
Turn those bell notifications on, hit that like button.
Thank you so much for watching and stay healthy.
- My friends. (laughs)
Bye! (beep)
(upbeat music) (rhythmic whistling)