but really that can make you want to not be around people that you know or even people
that you don't just out of fear of that happening and not knowing you know how to respond to that
hey there welcome back to my channel that mama goes today we're talking about the feeling of
loneliness or feeling isolated when you are on your ttc journey i feel like this is a huge
one that it doesn't matter like if you've been going through this just for a couple of months
or for an extended period of time i feel like to a degree so many of us can relate to this feeling of
loneliness and so we're gonna get into some of the details of why that is and hopefully by the end of
this video you'll feel a little bit more supported on your journey this is episode 4 in a series
i'm doing all about self-worth and ttc so if you haven't seen my previous three videos make sure to
go back and check those out but before we dive in i just want to share that none of this is meant to
be medical advice nothing on my channel is meant to be medical advice and so if you have questions
or concerns related to you and your cycle please pick up the phone and call your doctor
so first let's talk about what causes this feeling of isolation and the first thing in this category
that i want to talk about is unexpected difficulty i feel like trying to conceive is something where
you go into it thinking it's going to be easy and really like think about all the things we're
exposed to on a daily basis if you're on social media if you are watching youtube videos of mom
vloggers even in your own like personal life with friends and family often times you hear about the
good news the times where they do conceive and you hear all the joyous moments and they're probably
not sharing the darker times or the times where it was actually difficult or how long it took to
get to that point where they did conceive and so when we go into this journey initially oftentimes
we think it's going to be easy the next thing that can cause isolation on this journey are all
the questions the inappropriate questions which we've talked about in past videos in this series
but really that can make you want to not be around people that you know or even people that you don't
just out of fear of that happening and not knowing you know how to respond to that you can just make
it really difficult to be around people because when those questions are asked it's oftentimes
not in a genuine way it's not like a really like how's it going it's in a like expecting good news
kind of way like when are you gonna and so there's this like underlying feeling of like an expected
positive answer if you know what i'm saying and so those scenarios don't really feel safe to share
your honest experiences as well and so it can just make you want to retreat it can make you
want to not go to events or be around other people just the audacity of people i feel like social
media makes it comfortable the steps we follow as a society make it comfortable meaning like i
mean i don't know your steps may be different in your culture in your family but at least where i'm
from it's it seems like you get married and then a baby follows and and people feel so comfortable
even before you're married asking you questions about when you're gonna have baby another thing
that can cause isolation and loneliness on the ttc journey are baby related events and reminders so
baby showers birthday parties gender reveals things like that it might feel really difficult
to celebrate milestones and celebrate really amazing things happening in other people's
lives because of what you're going through and i feel like that's totally valid there's nothing
wrong with feeling that sensation and perhaps not being in a space emotionally physically mentally
to celebrate other reminders might be just being around a friend who's pregnant or being around a
friend with young children or maybe even just being in public and seeing babies or seeing
families with small children that might be something that's really difficult for
you and so that can cause you to kind of retreat to yourself another thing
that can cause isolation and loneliness in the ttc journey is this deeply internalized
belief about ourselves as human beings i actually have a quote here it's from natalist.com
the quote states trying to conceive and struggling with infertility can feel incredibly isolating
you may find it hard to share in others joy or feel alone in your emotional pain even today when
we know that so many different factors can impact fertility many women still have internalized
beliefs that they are broken or inadequate if their conception journey is not going as planned i
feel like there is so much to this quote like that it's jam-packed with things we could talk about as
far as like the subconscious thoughts we have about ourselves as women and wound carriers if
this is something that we struggle with and it's really difficult to tease apart all the details
that go into that as to why that is but the the underlying truth here is that we may take this
on as it being who we are despite knowing that so many people struggle with this that that there can
be many factors that contribute to this happening and even if we consciously know like so many
people struggle with this because of the various things i've already mentioned the reasons why we
might isolate ourselves and not feel comfortable sharing our truth and sharing our story when it
comes to this it can feel like you're the only one like you are alone like there's nobody else
that can relate and i feel like that's why it's so important to start having conversations like this
to be seen like this if it feels like something your nervous system can support you in doing and
this belief about ourselves as human beings is related to that shame cycle that i've mentioned
in my three previous videos in this series i'm not going to go through the shame cycle again but if
this is something you've missed definitely go back and check that out but it's definitely related to
um that spiral that we've been talking about another thing that can cause isolation and
loneliness on the ttc journey is just generalized sadness i feel like this is really important to
mention situational sadness happens all the time with various things and it's so valid
in this particular case so if no one has told you that i hope that is one thing that you take away
from this that it's okay to feel sad it's okay to feel whatever it is you're feeling related
to your individual trying to conceive journey in addition like past experiences maybe you're still
recovering from and coping with past loss or miscarriage so that can add to that feeling
of grief and sorrow and depression is something that we can experience and if this is something
you feel you are struggling with please seek help from a licensed health care provider
seek help from a therapist or a counselor and just to throw it out there i feel like
literally every human being could benefit from speaking to a counselor no matter where you're
at whether you're having the time of your life or you're in the lowest of lows i feel like it's one
of the best things you can do for your mental health okay so now that we went through many
reasons why you might experience isolation on the ttc journey let's talk about what to do with that
information i think oftentimes our mind might go to the solution being be less isolated be
around people go to things and i feel like that could not be further from the truth um i feel
it's important to honor the season that you're in whether we're talking about the menstrual cycle
which is something i talk about on my channel is like honoring the seasons of the menstrual
cycle but even honoring this season of trying to conceive this season of infertility this season
of difficulty and embracing the emotions that are coming up because of it because they're valid
and i think trying to override them by forcing yourself to do things that maybe your nervous
system is not ready for that maybe you don't have the capacity for i think that's not the advice
i would personally give the flip side to that is i feel like it's also important to honor
wherever maybe your social needs are not being met because of what you're going through there's
a lot of nuance to that discussion as well so we're going to get into some of the ways
for you to kind of identify what your needs are so the first thing you could do is to identify
within yourself what is most difficult for you when it comes to being isolated on the trying
to conceive journey and what i mean by that is kind of like asking questions like is it the
gatherings that makes it difficult is it going in public is it being around certain friends is it
having conversation with literally anyone is it that you feel like you don't have people in your
life that understand and i feel like the more you're able to clearly identify this is what's
difficult for me this is what's challenging for me that makes it a little bit easier to create
action items to create a tangible approach to not solving the problem but maybe supporting you
and moving through this season with a little bit more ease so the next thing you can do is identify
safe people this is a term that my sister and i use i don't know if we made it up or
not but we use it really in any type of scenario where we identify a person as a safe person if
it's something that we feel comfortable sharing with them and so let's take for example there
is a past experience that happened to a person and it's a particularly tender experience or a
sensitive experience you identify a safe person as someone that you feel it can hold the space
for that experience and make you feel safe and comfortable and grounded when you are talking
about it make you feel like you can truly show up as yourself when you're talking about it
so you you don't feel a sensation of judgment you don't feel a sensation of finding humor in
it maybe that's not something for you or maybe it is so really the concept of a safe person is
relative to the person relative to you whatever you consider to be a safe person to speak with
about your honest trying to conceive journey and once you identify those people you make a point
to spend more time with them you make a point if it feels good for you to share your thoughts and
feelings with and then of course the flip side to that is if you identify someone as unsafe meaning
i do not feel comfortable speaking with this person about my struggles i don't feel comfortable
being around them while i'm going through this than to make a point if possible to not spend as
much time with that person and so now that you've identified within yourself what is most difficult
for you in regards to isolation and then you've identified people that you feel safe speaking with
this about now it's time to begin talking about it which i kind of already said but in addition to
like safe people within your social circle a safe person could be a counselor or a therapist as well
you know if you find that literally talking to anyone in your day-to-day life is a struggle for
you then seeking out professional help seeking out an organized circle potentially of people that are
going through what you're going through might be a solution for you or an approach for you and it
may feel too bold to to lead with talking about you're trying to conceive struggles and you're
the details of that and so one thing you can lead with if it feels good for you is to first start by
talking about feeling isolated you know that's kind of like dipping your toe into the lake but
not necessarily like jumping all the way into the lake it's kind of like giving yourself a taste of
of being vulnerable with that person whoever it is whether it's your partner your friend a counselor
and just seeing how that feels first that way you don't feel like you're like going all the way into
everything that you're going through that might feel like too much for you and that's totally fine
the next thing you can do is to identify your boundaries when it comes to socializing asking
yourself questions like what social events are a hard no for me and absolutely not what social
events feel like a no but you maybe could create space for if certain factors were tweaked and
what things are you actually open to if there are certain questions you're afraid of getting what
would be your responses to those questions i think having like pre-written or pre-rehearsed responses
to things creates a sense of groundedness within ourselves it helps put our nervous system at ease
because it creates predictability rehearsing can make those situations feel a bit more approachable
i have a whole video dedicated to trying to conceive and boundaries and i'll link that one
above the next thing you can do is seek community i feel like there's so much healing when we share
our stories and we hear other people's stories because it's so very human so some ways you might
do that are finding some forums online there are so many out there like if you google ttc forum or
infertility forum a bunch of stuff will come up you could find some facebook groups to be part of
you can look locally and see if there are groups formed at churches nearby or at clinics nearby you
can specifically reach out to someone that maybe has shared their fertility struggles or shared
their trying to conceive journey shared that they had a rainbow baby reach out to them and let them
know what you're going through and a connection could be made that's deeper than wherever you're
at currently with that person and you can also comment below and comment in my videos i have
a lot of in my past videos i've had a lot of nice discussions going on between myself and people and
between people that are viewing my videos and it's really beautiful to see people supporting each
other in that way and sharing in that and the next thing you can do is follow what feels good for you
really actively and intentionally seeking out the things that bring you joy it could be
literally anything whatever it is creating space every day for that thing that is bringing you joy
and even if those things that you enjoy doing right now are solo or by yourself
and even though i do believe as human beings we are not meant to exist in a vacuum we're meant to
problem-solve together and we're meant to experience things together and experience
emotions and share in each other's stories i also believe that we are cyclical beings meaning
there are going to be times in our lives when we're more social and there's going to be times
in our lives when we are less social and this might be a less social time for you and that is
fine you might be in a season where socializing just isn't your priority and i feel like
honoring that is perfect and it's exactly maybe what your body needs right now and i just want to
remind you right now that this is your journey this is nobody else's journey this is not the
nosy person's journey who's asking inappropriate questions this is not the people who are looking
at your social medias journey and you have every right to feel what you feel and answer or don't
answer any questions that you desire and attend or not attend events that you desire or not desire
and i also just want to share that i just released my 14 days of embodied ttc where you receive 14
days in a row of videos and journal prompts and meditations straight to your email inbox
and it's totally free i'll link it above and below and i created this email course really just to
support people on this journey and connecting more deeply to themselves that's all i have for you
today if you like this video make sure to give it a thumbs up and i will see you in the next one bye
you