This first one is from Alyssa from Calabasas, California.
"My husband and I--"
Here she is now, your host Tig Notaro!
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[APPLAUSE]
What's going on?
Thank you.
It's great to be here.
Hey!
Tig, what are you doing?
Uh, I'm sorry everyone.
This is kind of awkward.
Ellen, I'm taping my new talk show
[LAUGHTER]
You don't have a talk--
this is my show, you don't have a talk show.
Uh, this is the pilot.
Your sky box is empty.
So I decided to shoot it here in front of a live audience.
[LAUGHTER]
Where did you get that audience?
Uh, From your Riff Raff room.
[LAUGHTER]
You may call them Riff Raff, but to me, they're more than that.
[APPLAUSE]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Tig, stop, please.
I'm in the middle of my segment What's
Wrong With These Photos, photos.
Uh, that sounds a lot like my segment
called, Tig's Pictures That Aren't Quite Right Right.
[LAUGHTER]
Who wants to see some funny pictures?
[APPLAUSE]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
All right.
[LAUGHTER]
This is an Indian restaurant called ANUS Kitchen.
But, on the sign, and looks like anus.
[LAUGHTER]
Tig, you stole that segment.
That's my segment that I have.
Now I can't even finish my segment.
I'm going to get to our game.
I was going to play a game with my audience,
but let's see how yours goes.
OK, Tig, thanks for your support.
All right, right now it's time to play my game On The Spot.
Before we play, I'm partnered with generation lighting
to create high quality lighting with really fantastic style.
We've got some amazing designs, like Relax Mid Century,
rustic modern.
This lighting works well in any space
and will make your home cozy and welcoming.
[CHIMING]
All right.
Now I need someone from the audience.
Let's see, all right, yes, you in the lavender right there.
[APPLAUSE]
All right.
So here's what we're going to do.
There's going to be a word that appears behind my head,
and if you can give me a one word clue
and I can guess that word, the audience
is going to get something.
All right?
[APPLAUSE]
Wait.
If not, no one gets anything.
Aww!
All on you.
So if you get it, great.
And if not, you should run to your car.
[LAUGHTER]
OK.
All right.
One word clue.
Sexy.
[LAUGHTER]
Lingerie.
[APPLAUSE]
Yes!
Congratulations!
Now everyone here can shop my Generation Lighting
line at Homedepot.com with its $250 Home Depot gift card.
[APPLAUSE]
There you go!
Congratulations.
Yes.
[LAUGHTER]
Yay!
Ellen?
All right.
Ellen?
What Tig?
I just wanted to let you know that everyone in my audience
is going home with a $251--
[APPLAUSE]
--Home Depot card.
Hey!
Don't even clap for that.
There's no such thing as a $251 gift card.
That's not real.
[LAUGHTER]
They made it special for me.
What Tig?
Well, Ellen, I'm trying to tell you.
[LAUGHTER]
They made it special for me because I'm America's number
one lesbian talk show host.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
All right.
That's enough.
I have a big show today.
I have guests that I have to talk to.
Do you have any guests on your show?
Uh, I'm glad you asked.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my first guest,
Jason Sudeikis.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[APPLAUSE]
Hey!
All right.
Have a seat.
Jason?
Yeah?
Down here, Ellen.
What are you doing?
[LAUGHTER]
What do you mean?
I'm doing a talk show, doing Tig's talk show.
Uh, excuse me, Ellen, but this is my guest.
And I'll be asking the questions.
[LAUGHTER]
When we come back--
when we come back, right after this break--
wait.
You can't-- I'm the one who says we'll be back, not you.
No.
[LAUGHTER]
Ellen, I'm having a hard time reading this teleprompter.
I see that.
[LAUGHTER]
This is great.
That's why it's the number one lesbian talk show.
And we're going to go to a commercial.
But like I always say, be nice to other people.
Wait a minute!
[LAUGHTER]
We'll be right back.
No, we'll be right--
I'm saying it.
No, we're going to be right back.
We'll be back.