This seems bad.
It's not amazing.
Why would PETA use this shot?
This wasn't even during the photo shoot.
This was taken during my peanut butter break.
You're the one who wanted to pose naked
and pretend it was for a good cause
so you wouldn't look like a whore even though
that's secretly why everybody does it.
Can you fix it? Of course.
It's my job.
What about doing some appearances
for Operation Smile?
What is that?
The organization that fixes cleft palates.
No, I really don't want to deal with paint.
Ugh.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.
What about pity (bleep) a prom loser?
Yes, that's it, right?
All the hot celebrities are doing that now.
Yeah, I don't think any of them are actually
having sex with the teenagers,
but I don't think that going to prom is a terrible idea.
Did a student ask you?
No.
Not yet.
But I bet if I just Google it, he's out there somewhere.
Yeah.
You just make sure the press is there.
Oh, I will. Okay.
Will you bring this with you?
Sure.
Unless you think it's okay.
I--I don't.
Okay.
Prom.
God.
Ugh.
Who do we have here?
That's why if you're watching this,
I really hope you agree to come to prom with me.
I promise we'll have a really great time.
Please say yes.
Love, Lucas.
You just got yourself a prom date, buddy.
♪
Wait, he's still in high school.
Well, I hope this kid's ready to eat (bleep) a ton of (bleep).
Wait here until after the dance, Montgomery.
Yes, ma'am!
♪
♪ My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard ♪
♪ And they're like it's better than yours ♪
♪ Damn right, it's better than yours ♪
♪ I can teach you, but I have to charge ♪
♪ My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard ♪
♪ And they're like it's better than yours ♪
♪ Damn right, it's better than yours ♪
♪ I can teach you ♪
♪
Excuse me, ma'am, the Al-Anon meeting is on Sunday.
No, you silly hooker, I'm here for the prom!
L-L-L-L-Lucas!
Hi.
Hi, do I know you?
I'm your celebrity prom date.
I'm Amy Schumer.
Surprised?
Uh, I've never heard of you.
You know, "When's lunch?"
Uh, this is my girlfriend Madison.
Girlfriend?
What about your YouTube video?
Oh, you mean the one where I asked Madison to prom?
Did you even watch the whole thing?
Is anybody (bleep) talking to you, Madison?
This is none of your business.
You seriously need to back off right now.
Excuse me, this is my business.
Oh, really? You know what?
You're ruining the best night of Lucas' short life, okay?
Whatever, Joy Behar.
What?
Get off of--
You get off!
This is-- Ow!
Oh, my God, you killed him!
Let go!
My God!
I'm a cripple!
You give it back, I brought that!
Out of my way!
These are the best years of your lives
because you're (bleep) losers!
You think you could follow Tosh?
You can't, I was Variety's top ten comics to watch 2009!
Montgomery, I'm riding up front!
Whatever you say, Mrs. S!
Oh, my God.
My arms look so skinny.
They do.
They really do.