Johnathan Abram!
A lotta people like to talk trash about your teammates and the Raiders.
- Oh, I ain’t goin’ for that.
- Raiders fans, get outta there.
Root for someone else.
Like, root for someone who has a chance.
- Hold on, somethin’ wrong with your microphone.
- Oh, s--t.
Are you Johnathan Abram?
- What up, everybody?
Lefkoe out here in Oakland.
We’re meeting up with Raiders rookie Johnathan Abram.
I want you to be the best teammate in the history of the NFL.
We’re gonna surprise some unsuspecting fans.
They think we’re doing a documentary about being a non-Raiders fan in Oakland.
Man, so you’re a Raiders fan?
- Ex-Raider fan. - Oh, man.
They’re gonna talk trash about his teammates, and we’ll see if he defends them.
And let’s be honest, bein’ surprised by an NFL player?
It’s a good surprise.
What we don’t want surprises in is in our home and auto insurance.
All we want is good, reliable, quality coverage, like the kind you get from State Farm.
Am I right?
All right.
Let’s go Ditch the Playbook.
♪♪♪
- [Offscreen] Let’s roll and sync all of our cameras.
- [Clapping]
My guy!
- What it do?
- How are you, my friend?
- I’m good.
- Oh, it’s been too long.
- Exactly.
- Let’s take you to geek squad.
- I’m a cameraman.
- You ready? - Yeah.
- All right.
The ultimate teammate. It is time.
All right, assume your position.
What do you think of Raiders fans?
- Eh...they could be better.
- Man, Raiders fans, they’re loyal fans, but they’re blind.
Like, get outta there.
Root for someone else.
Like, root for someone who has a chance, you know?
And that’s coming from a Jets fan.
- You’re a comedian, we’re in Oakland…
- Ah. Oh, look at this.
- Can I get your Raiders set?
- Yeah, I was doin’ jokes, and Sebastian Janikowski was actually in the audience.
And he picked up his drink, and he threw it at me.
Then I remembered he was the kicker for the Oakland Raiders for 20 years.
So as the drink was comin’ towards me, I just went like this—
And that drink sailed 30 yards to the right.
Missed me, missed the stage, missed everybody completely.
- I’m a free-agent fan now.
I was a lifelong Raider fan. - Mmm.
- December 2017 was my divorce.
- What happened?
- Derek Carr fumbled the ball out the end zone.
They traded my favorite player, Khalil Mack.
They gave Gruden $100 million.
- Jon Gruden?
Pfft.
Chucky doll, at all times.
- Like, you know, like Derek Carr?
Like, I mean, what is he, you know?
- Are you excited for Nick Bosa?
- Man, did you not see him in that whole game?
- What he do? - He was throwin’ cats around.
That line look— - Don’t people do that?
Don’t you throw people around in football?
- This is true.
You do throw people around in football.
- Exactly. So he playin’ football.
- Mark Sanchez, when he came, I was excited about that, you know?
- Yeah. - And, like—
- He suck. He fumbled off his own lineman’s butt.
- Michael Crabtree, he got mad at me.
This a true story—at Tommy T’s, the local comedy club here.
I went up to shake his hand later, and he missed me completely, just like how he missed
snapping off his route every single time.
- So you, you’ve actually—
- Who was the last great Dolphin player in the last 20 years?
- Probably Dan Marino, yeah.
- Man. - When, when was that?
I think—I don’t think you were born yet.
- Listen, the Miami Dolphins have been mediocre for a very long time.
- So how can you root for them?
- Because they’re at least mediocre.
The Oakland Raiders are one 4-12 season away from havin’ to put an eyepatch on the other eye,
know what I’m sayin’?
- When’s the last time the Raiders went to a single AFC Championship Game, man?
Hold on, something wrong with your microphone.
Don’t be talkin’ s--t about the Raiders.
- Is this—
- You good.
- OK, cool.
- Wait.
- What do you think about Johnathan Abram?
- Dude a heavy hitter.
But he can’t pronounce his silent Ls.
- Seared salmon or seared sal-mon?
- Salmon.
- Salmon?
- Salmon.
- Would you say that to his face?
- I’m—pfft.
I don’t know.
- Really? I might. I might. I don’t know!
Look, look.
I’mma be like this: I’m not a football player.
- S--t, I used to be in the club with Charles Woodson.
Sweet Jimmie’s and, and—
- Old 24.
- And Geoffrey’s and everything.
- You know who wears 24 now?
- Yeah, the youngster. Abrams.
- Yeah. - He bangin’ out there.
- Yeah, he is. - He, he doin’—
- He’s bangin’ in here too. - Yeah, he bangin’ out there.
- Yo, cat, you wanna go to the club with me?
- What?!
Damn, what?!
- You wanna go to the club with me?
- Ah, s--t!
- Salmon or sal-mon?
- Listen, I’mma tell you like this—
- How you say it?
How you say it?
How do you say it?
- No, no, you a beast.
But sayin’ that—but look— - But you bein’ judgmental!
- Bruh, just cuz you a big football player from Mississippi don’t mean you can’t
mispronounce a word.
- It’s a good point.
- Are you Johnathan Abram?
- Wait, what? Oh, s--t, man.
- I think he s--t himself.
- What did you do?!
- Man, you—
- How are we—
- What did he say to you?! - How are we blind?
- Just lookin’ at him, man!
I remember you from Hard Knocks, always talkin’.
- So why would you watch the Raiders if you don’t like the Raiders?
I ain’t gonna lie, I think, like, when the Raiders play the Dolphins, I’ll be like—cuz
I’m a Raiders fan—I’ll be like, “Oh, s--t, that’s a win.
We don’t even need to watch the game.”
- Yeah, well, you know, sometimes somebody’s gotta win—
- And that 4-12 record, I always know y’all gonna be one of the wins.
Probably two of them—
- But 4-12 just makes me think it’s like Mississippi State all over again or somethin’
like that, you know what I mean?
- Mississippi State?
- Yeah, Mississippi State.
It’s a good junior college football program, I think, Mississippi State—
- Hold on, now. Stop playin’ with me.
- It’s a good junior college football program!
- Stop playin’ with me. - I’m not playing at all.
I think they’re very, very good.
- It’s good!
- What good?
- Salmon!
- What’s up? - What’s up?
Let’s do it!
- Who made the L silent? Who? Who made it? - The English language!
- The English language!
- Who made English?!
It’s like sayin’, “Tomato, tomat-oh.”
- Are we gonna be— - Don’t nobody say “tomat-oh,” bruh.
- Why? - Timeout.
- [Laughing]
- Ain’t no love. Ain’t no love.
Give him—if he put on a Raiders hat, I’ll show him some love.
Come to the next game.
- Dress in silver and black.
- If you get me tickets, I have a jersey—I’d be there.
- Deal. - Are you serious? - Let’s do it.
- I got two tickets, deal. - We just, we just switched fan allegiance?
It’s happening. - Just win, baby.
- Raider Nation just grew by one.
- Screw the Dolphins! - Screw the Dolphins!
- Who needs a Dolphin?
- Just win, baby. You gotta take that off.
If we ever see you with that god-awful orange and green on—
You’re a Raidaaa. What is he, what is he?
- [Together] : He’s a Raidaaa.
- We’re here to bring you back.
- To the Raiders?
- We tryna sign you. - We’re here to bring you back.
- I’m just lettin’ you know, like, we finna take off.
You know how you get on the flight and they be like, “The boarding door closing in 10 minutes”?
- Yeah, yeah. - It’s closin’.
You got—you ain’t got much longer to get on the plane.
- I got y’all. I’ll root for you. - What do you mean?
- I, I—I got y’all.
- Wait, you’re now rootin’ for the Raiders?
- Maaan, yeah.
- [Cheering]
- I’ll root for you. - Ayyy!
I think today was a successful day.
I think we proved to everybody that you are the best teammate ever.
- Ever. - Nobody can talk trash on your team.
- We are the best team. - We grew Raider Nation by three.
Got three new fans back in the fold.
- Hey, one by one, baby. We gettin’ better.
You got somethin’ to say about the Raiders, just be aware,
we might be hidin’ in your room.
- What?!