The future is unwritten… but that doesn't stop doomsday predictions from coming fast
and furious.
Throughout history, humans have believed some pretty strange things about what the future
held, and many times, false forecasters have been left scrambling for excuses when their
predictions go wrong.
It's hard to believe anyone would believe some of these false facts about the future
that never came true.
So let's laugh at them.
The end of an era
As far as human history is concerned, computers are pretty new.
And considering just how new they are, a pretty huge portion of humanity relies on them for
everything from banking to finding sexy singles in their area.
Unfortunately, all of these exciting, young computers weren't programmed with the turn
of the century in mind.
So in 1999, people were unsure what to expect when midnight approached on December 31st.
At the time, computers processed the year using only the last two digits, so the year
2000 would be represented as zero zero.
To a computer, that could look a lot like the year 1900.
Many believed this would cause computers to crash, major networks to fail, and create
blackouts all over the world, effectively putting an end to the technology era.
Heck, even Spock was convinced.
"Elevators may stop, heat may vanish.
Airplanes and trains may come to a halt."
Understandably, these predictions caused a major freakout.
The government spent billions to rectify this "problem," and insurance companies began selling
Y2K plans… which hopefully weren't backed up on their ill-fated computers.
People built bunkers and bought canned goods like it was the '50s.
And then...nothing happened.
In fact, it wasn't until the year 2010 that a similar date bug temporarily took down millions
of PS3s.
Now that actually sounds serious.
Camping out for the apocalypse
Well-known Christian radio broadcaster Harold Camping lured listeners into his show by doing
what any upstanding radio personality would do when they're desperate for ratings.
He predicted the end of the world.
"May 21 is the day of judgement.
It is a terrible day of destruction all over the world."
Believers were told that on May 21st, 2011, Jesus would rise for the rapture, taking those
who deserved to be saved up to heaven while the rest of us were left to suffer five months
of plagues and at least one more Smash Mouth album.
Camping came to his conclusion by taking the estimated date Jesus was crucified and, using
a bunch of nonsense math that literally means nothing….
"Add the number of people at the Last Supper.
Minus the number of Filipinos in the Bible.
And you get!"
"Three million, one hundred.."
"BUP BUP BUP!"
...until he came up with the date.
Either that, or he just chose it because it's Judge Reinhold's birthday.
Camping was able to spread the word quickly, and many believers sold all of their belongings
in preparation for the rapture.
And then it didn't happen.
Camping blamed a few mathematical errors and postponed doomsday until October… when it
didn't happen a second time.
"You're really pathetic, you know I wasted all my money and I sent it to ya and now I
don't have nothing."
Believers were clearly left broke and emotionally destroyed.
Camping kind of apologized, but shut his mouth for the remaining two years of his life.
Cosmic alignment
Astrologer-slash-astronomer Johannes Stoeffler was basically the Harold Camping of 1500s
Germany, but with more of a focus on the zodiac than Jesus.
Stoeffler predicted that the world would end on February 20th, 1524, after the alignment
of the planets under Pisces would lead to floods so great that they would destroy the
world.
As a respected chair at a well-known university, Stoeffler's prediction was trusted far and
wide.
Pamphlets were handed out, and believers built themselves wooden arks, hoping to survive
the floods.
Strangely enough, a thunderstorm struck that day, convincing the doubters that Stoeffler's
theory was coming true — even though, since we're all here right now, we all know it didn't.
Those who hadn't prepared for the flood attempted to swim to the arks, and many ended up drowning.
So, thanks a lot Johannes.
You tool.
In the dark
Life Magazine made some pretty ominous predictions in their late January 1970 issue.
Notably, air pollution was supposed to have cut the amount of sunlight reaching Earth
in half by 1985.
While the article didn't go into much detail about the actual science behind the prediction,
it was written that scientists totally had solid evidence to back it up.
Just like that weird kid totally has a girlfriend in Canada, or totally has a jet ski in his
garage that you're not allowed to see.
Life also explored other potential environmental catastrophes… like the idea that sonic booms
from airplanes were going to constantly mutilate unborn babies.
Needless to say...none of that happened.
The article was ultimately published as part of an awareness campaign for the first Earth
Day.
And even if their numbers were just a bit off, we can all agree on one thing.
"Let's save our environment, that we may be free."
Right.
The rise of Atlantis
In 1980, retired psychology professor Charles Louis Spiegel — who, you may want to know,
was going by the name Antares by that time — predicted that the long-lost city of Atlantis
would rise from the sea in 2001.
The Caribbean Islands would be destroyed in the ensuing flooding.
But don't worry, it gets better.
Spiegel also predicted that soon after Atlantis rose, a group of aliens called Myton would
land on Earth in spaceships made of crystal and gold to enlighten the human race… which
doesn't actually sound so bad at this point.
The Unarius Academy of Science, which has very little to do with, like, actual science,
run by the fashionable Queen Uriel, even bought land for the ships to touch down on.
"These ships.
Starships will land, and they have been built to all interconnect like this model you see
behind me."
They'd land with 33,000 passengers from around the universe, combine, Voltron-style, into
a giant school, and exist forever.
And of course...none of that happened.
Unfortunately, it seems the Mytons took one look at humanity, and turned their space car
around before we even got to meet them.
"When they're adults they just celebrate with lots and lots of alcohol.
They know their atmosphere is disintegrating, and they choose to focus on that."
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