Hi, my name is Brian Greenberg. I've had Crohn's disease since age 11
(for 24 years) and I've had an ostomy for seven years. As a man, ostomy surgery is a
little bit different because the surgery gets so close to the prostate. So we
actually normally do the surgery in two steps: you have the surgery to create the
stoma and create the ostomy, and then you go back six months later (or whenever you
decide - sometimes longer - for me it was three years) and then you have a second
surgery to remove the rectal area if you want to make your ostomy permanent.
And you know it's a very complicated surgery because you have to do it in two steps.
And they do get so close to the prostate. My surgeon always told me that there was
about a 2 or 3 percent chance that it would impact the intimacy portion of my
life which doesn't seem that much, but he always said, "I can give you all the stats,
Brian, I can tell you all the ostomy statistics and everything that goes
into a surgery like this, but if it happens to you it's 100 percent. So I
really want to go through all of the process with you and make sure you're
prepared for everything." And that's what I did. So as a young adult I took
everything I could into the decision and really wanted prepare for it the best I
could. I knew I wanted a family one day so I actually even went to a sperm bank
and froze sperm and everything, just in case the surgery did impact that part of
my life, and I was prepared to still possibly have a family down the road.
And those are some of the things that guys have to think about with ostomy
surgeries because it can impact your life. You really have to prepare
for something like this because it's really a lifestyle change. At the same
time for many patients it gets better. And your health improves, your mentality
improves and you're able to do the things that you wanted to do the entire
time you were sick.
Before the ostomy surgery I talked to friends, I found other ostomates in the
ostomy community that I could discuss things with. I have a lot of
friends who are female so I was able to bounce things off them quite a bit.
The question I always asked them was would you date a guy with an ostomy and they
all said yeah, they weren't gonna put me in a bad mood or
anything like that and I remember actually one friend who I went out with
and I was talking to her and I said, "Well, what are your thoughts on the surgery,
what do you think life is gonna be like for me?" and I asked her,
"I'm really nervous that the ostomy is gonna keep me from meeting the right
person." And I remember what she said and it's something that was extremely
powerful at the time. She said, "Brian, the ostomy isn't gonna keep you from
meeting the right person it's gonna keep you from meeting the wrong person."
Ever since then I live my life like that, because if someone isn't okay with
my ostomy then they're not okay with my life and they shouldn't be in my life.
All the fears that I had before the ostomy surgery, I learned very fast
weren't fears that I should have had at all. People really don't care, they're
just happy that you're healthy, they're happy that you got through the battle,
and they're happy to spend time with you. So a big fear of mine was the intimacy
issue, was whether or not I was gonna be able to have a relationship, a girlfriend,
whether or not I was gonna be able to find the right partner that I wanted to
be with the rest of my life. And it was never an issue for me. And you're gonna
bring it up to them, and chances are they're just gonna say, "Alright, that's
fine. We'll deal with it, we'll figure it out.
But let's just continue having a normal life, continue having a normal date,
whatever it is and and go with it." There are ways that you can hide your ostomy,
even, during intimacy. There are companies that make bands and things like that so
if you don't want to have your ostomy out, which I personally don't, there are
little bands and things like that you can get that will
cover up the ostomy during the time that you want to have intimacy. So you don't
have anything to worry about. So it's a concern that a lot of guys have, not only
with the surgery and how the surgery can possibly impact your intimacy,
since it does get close to the prostate, but as long as that doesn't happen (and
there are pills obviously that can help guys out with that). But you're able to
hide the ostomy, you're able to live a normal life, you're able to be intimate
the way that you want to be and it doesn't really impact that life when you
find the right partner and you will find the right partner.