namaste beautiful YouTube family say
Romano here the breakthrough life-coach
codependency expert narcissistic abuse
survivor coming to you today to
enlighten you on what signs you need to
look out for to see to help you navigate
to help you figure out whether or not
your relationship is really in trouble
sounds like we should just know when our
relationship is in trouble but if you're
like me I spent years feeling like I was
in trouble but unable to be really able
to communicate effectively as to what I
was really feeling not uncommon for
those of us who have come from abusive
homes as children to struggle with being
able to tell people how we feel in fact
if you're codependent and you were
raised in an abusive home whether that
home was abusive overtly or covertly
it's probably very probable that you
struggle with telling people exactly how
you feel and this is one of the reasons
a video like this is so important
because I'm going to give you ten signs
to look out for to help you figure out
whether or not your relationship is
really in trouble
first sign your relationship is really
in trouble is when you discover that you
are unable to get from point A to point
B so let's say you have something that
you want to discuss with your spouse and
you present it to him for this for this
video we're going to say that we're
talking about a man and a woman a
husband and a wife and let's say you're
the female you're the wife and you're
watching this video and you relate to
the idea that every time you try to talk
to your husband or your spouse about
something you're never able to get from
point A to point B so the conversation
goes round and round and round
so you're unable to really end up
finding a solution to a problem that you
have presented the second sign if you or
your partner wish to be right instead of
really looking for a solution that's not
attached to an outcome the relationship
is probably in trouble so if your
partner or you go into commune
with the other wanting to be right
you're in trouble because this is a sign
that your relationship is about power
and control and Submission when that is
the goal of any type of conversation
with our partners or our children even
or people in the street or even other
family members beside our spouse then
the relationship the communication be
the tweet between the two of us is
ineffective dysfunctional and toxic
number three the third sign that your
relationship is in trouble is if you
walk around on eggshells around your
partner or if your partner walks around
on eggshells around you this is a big
sign that the relationship itself is not
healthy it's toxic and it's just a
matter of time before the relationship
begins to really really disintegrate and
that's when people try to hurt each
other and they end up saying things they
don't really mean and that leads me to
other signs that your relationship might
be in trouble the fourth sign that your
relationship is in trouble and I mean
big trouble is when you approach him and
you're telling him how you feel and you
notice that and I went through this in
my own first marriage and it was really
really it was debilitating I would talk
to my ex-husband about something that I
wanted to discuss and he went right for
my jugular he just went out he wanted to
take me out at the knees he could never
hear what I was trying to say and his
goal was to hurt me when I was down so
instead of coming together and talking
about perhaps an issue that I had with
my children he would bring something up
from the past or he would say things
like you know nobody likes you or you
have a problem with everybody or even
your old family doesn't like you you're
impossible you make a big deal out of
nothing
so when you are opening yourself up and
if your partner goes for your jugular
and tries to hurt you that's a big sign
that your relationship is in trouble or
if you notice that when your partner
tries to be vulnerable if you go to
attack him or her when they are trying
to seek some resolution that's a big
sign that your relationship is in
trouble the fifth sign your relationship
is really
trouble is if you notice if you're
really honest with yourself right and
the only way to heal and to have a
healthy relationship with other people
is to be able to have a healthy
relationship with the self and you need
to be really really honest with what's
going on inside of you so you need to
ask yourself am i comfortable being
alone with my partner if you are not
comfortable being alone with your
partner and you prefer to have other
people around even if it's the kids if
you find different ways to fajn to get
out of being alone with your partner or
if your partner is looking for ways to
find ways to not be alone with you
that's a sign your relationships in big
trouble number six a big sign is when
you actually secretly enjoy when
something goes wrong in your partner's
life perhaps they don't get that
promotion or perhaps they don't have a
good relationship with an employee at
work or perhaps something happens to
them
and you find yourself secretly enjoying
their misery big sign your relationships
in trouble and don't forget your partner
may actually enjoy when things don't go
right for you so if that's happening
that's not good to you one number seven
another sign is when you realize that
your partner's diminishes your
accomplishments or they're never able to
be there for you or they tone down your
dreams they tell you oh that's
ridiculous
you know or when you have something
really fabulous that happens in your
life and they ignore it they don't make
a big deal about it they minimize it I
went through that too you know if
something happened to me you know that I
wanted to share with my ex-husband or
even my parents my brother and my sister
well not so much my sister most of my
brother my parents but if I went and I
wanted to share something fabulous that
happened it was always minimized or it
was just ignored past the butter it was
like I could never have somebody who was
completely 100% happy for me
and so if you are experiencing that in
your relationship where your partner is
unable to share in your accomplishments
or if you minimize your partner's
accomplishments that's another big sign
we've got some work to do dear one
number eight
another sign is if you discover that
you're unable and you have no desire to
be vulnerable around your partner or if
your if you notice that your Hut your
husband or your spouse or your partner
is unable to be vulnerable around you if
there is no desire to be vulnerable in
the relationship the relationship really
can't grow because what happens is
without the ability to be vulnerable you
can't open up your heart space and you
can't really feel seen by your partner
and that is the sign that in
relationships in trouble number nine
that's kind of awkward to do that it's
like I'm having trouble doing that but
you get the picture number nine if you
are unable to trust your partner with
your feelings if you find that your you
have no desire or you have a lot of fear
about talking to your partner about the
way that you feel it could be about the
game on television or it could it could
be about the weather or it could be
about politics or it could be about how
you feel about the kids doctor or how
you feel about what happened yesterday
it could be it could be as strong as you
confronting something that he said to
you or that she said to you if you have
no trust that you can actually speak to
your partner about how you feel about
something obviously that's a big sign
that your relationship is in trouble and
remember it always goes both ways so
when you're watching a video like this
and you're looking for information that
I help you help you figure out what's
happening you're online in your own
heart remember lots of us who were
raised in dysfunctional homes have an
inability to articulate how we feel and
why we feel what we feel and we have an
inability sometimes to even feel like we
have a right to feel what we feel
and that's why videos like this are can
be very very helpful so if you feel like
you can't trust your partner if you
notice that your partner doesn't talk
about his feelings with you it's and you
want to have a healthier relationship
it's worth beginning to mention those
things sweetheart you know I notice that
you don't really talk a lot about your
feelings it's important if that we re
figure out whether or not this person
doesn't want to talk about their
feelings whether or not this person is
avoidant whether or not this person is a
narcissist whether or not this
has any intentions of wanting to grow
it's important that you figure that out
that's going to help you feel a lot
clearer about what direction you need to
take moving forward number 10 this is a
big one dear ones I this was my secret
secret feeling and my secret feeling was
I felt stuck in my relationship I didn't
feel like I had a choice is whether or
not I could be there I felt like I had
to be there I felt like I had no right
not to know I felt like I had no right
to be unhappy I felt like I had no right
to not want to be there I felt like I
absolutely had to be in the relationship
I didn't understand that I had a choice
even though my feet weren't stapled to
the ground emotionally I felt that way
and I never even questioned whether or
not I had I had a choice as to whether
or not I wanted to stay in the marriage
so if you secretly feel stuck and like
you are not even sure you'd be there if
you know God sat down at the kitchen
table with you and said you can go dear
one you know you have a right to be
happy and if this doesn't make you happy
you can go or it's okay you know in six
months after you decide to get divorced
the dust will settle and you'll be on
your merry way and so will he and the
kids will adjust if you secretly feel
like if someone gave you permission to
get divorced or to leave this
relationship it could be just a
relationship a living relationship
doesn't have to be a marriage but if you
secretly wish or felt that if you had
permission from something outside of
yourself or someone outside of yourself
then you would leave that relationship
that's a big sign that relationship is
in trouble so why is this kind of video
important this kind of video is
important because you need to be able to
clearly identify what's going on inside
of you and is a codependency expert in a
personal life coach that helps children
adult children who have been abused
narcissistically in childhood as well as
in relationships who is a relationship
expert it's important that we that I
people like me help you identify what's
going on within the self if you can't
identify how you're feeling then you
can't
or how you're feeling and then you can
show up as your authentic self inside a
relationship so videos like this help
you tap into self-awareness it expands
your ability to be self aware and to be
able to actually increase your level of
cognition around what's going on inside
of you because so often many of us are
having all this stuff going on go on
inside of us but we can't figure it out
we can't decipher it which causes us to
feel stuck and like we have no choices
and now what we do is we end up
repeating these grids these childhood
grids that we had that were downloaded
into us when we were children and
unaware and powerless so I'm all about
empowering you the codependent or the
person who is struggling inside the
relationship who may not feel worthy of
his or her dreams I'm all about
encouraging you to be able to look into
the self honestly realistically and be
able to objectify what's going on inside
of you so that you can take it out of
you so that you can look at it or sort
of like on a piece of paper and you can
start figuring out what you want to do
with your life it's important that you
understand that you have choices and
that just because you're in a
relationship today and just because
you're you're in a dysfunctional
relationship today doesn't mean that you
have to do it tomorrow and the next day
and the next day the relationship that
you have can actually be better than
it's ever been but unless you know
what's wrong you can't change it unless
you know why what's wrong is wrong you
really can't fix it forever so I'm not
saying throw the baby out with the
bathwater but I am saying if there's a
problem dear one it's about time you
really want to be the creator that you
were meant to be if there's a problem
you have to learn how to address it and
you have to learn how to put it on the
table you have to learn how to
communicate effectively and if you are
not communicating effectively and if
you're guilty of any things that any of
the things that I listed in this video
then it's not too late to correct them
it's not too late to take accountability
for them and to start changing and start
showing up authentically and honestly in
your relationship so that you can have
the best relationship with yourself and
with others ever the best relationships
are yet to come dear one but it's all
about learning and
understanding and being honest with the
self and growing so if you've liked my
channel please subscribe please like and
please share you help me spread the love
in the light in this world again as
always dear ones I bow to the love and
the light in you namaste