We asked you to vote for the 2017 movies you wanted us to make an Honest Trailer for.
And now, your #1 choice.
Wow, you guys clearly hate us.
After every Transformers movie, there is hope.
Hope that they won't make another one.
Now, the Bay bots are back for his final chapter.
Until they return up to 14 more times.
NO!
Strap in for another Shakespearean tale,
in the sense that it's a tale told by an idiot,
full of sound and fury
signifying nothing.
But you can bet your life there'll be some big ass explosions,
mild-to-moderate racism,
"Hey, Chief!"
"My name is Sherman."
"It's OK to be a kid, Little Jay-lo."
"Aw, yeah! Decepticons is in da street!"
and action that looks like 2 Radio Shacks doing Kama Sutra in a hurricane.
How are we doing? Are we done yet?
Nope, still going, huh?
UGH!
Forget everything you knew about the Transformers,
because so did Micheal Bay,
who in the third one said Cybertron was destroyed
and then this one said "Actually, it's back.",
in the fourth one said Megatron is now Galvatron
and then this one said "Uh, never mind, he's Megatron again.",
and in the first one said the Transformers came to Earth to find the Allspark
and learned English from the Internet
but then this one said "You know what? F*ck it!
They were allies with King Arthur, and one of them killed Hitler!"
"That's the watch that killed Hitler."
See?
We're not the only ones insulting the intelligence of Transformers movie fans,
so is he.
Because we live in the darkest timeline,
prepare for another Transformers movie that's mostly about the humans.
Cade Yeager is back,
and he's still an inventor.
"I'm an inventor."
That's still from Texas?
"They have the support of the entire world."
Now, he'll team up with Vivian Wembly,
a brilliant British uterus,
"Have you found a man yet, Vivian?"
"It's the reason you're always single."
"What?"
generic military guys
yelling generic military things,
"New target!"
"3 o'clock high!"
"Move, move, move!"
"Blaze it, blaze it, blaze it!"
a random street urchin so awkwardly crammed in,
even she doesn't know why she's here,
"What are you doing here?"
"I don't know."
and Anthony Hopkins,
who delivers a brilliant portrayal...
of a man who won an Oscar then realized he's doing a Transformers movie.
"My own family had some...
small parts in all this."
It's OK, Sir Anthony.
At least you didn't get peed on by Bumblebee.
"HEY, HEY!"
The rage-fueled, violent Decepticons are back
and the only things that can stop them
are the rage-fueled, violent Autobots
"I will kill you!"
"I'll burn you so bad, you'll wish you died as a child."
and their rage-fueled, violent human allies.
"OFF THE SUB, NOW!"
"You wanna get punched in the face really hard?"
"No."
Caught in the middle is Optimus Prime.
"I am Optimus Prime."
We get it.
"I am Optimus Prime."
Shut up!
"SHUT UP!"
He's been forced by a lady with dreads to turn against his family.
And if you said that's the exact plot of Fate of the Furious,
congratulations,
you saw some really bad movies in 2017!
Wonder across a 2-and-a-half hour runtime,
"Is Optimus good?
Is he bad?
Do I care?
Where does he go for half the movie?!
Why is there a kung-fu robot butler?!
Am I high?!
What do words even mean anymore?!"
"Hurry, man, the dissolving scrotum!"
So roll out with a franchise Micheal Bay is so bored with,
he's literally making characters out of garbage,
builds up the importance of Bumblebee's voice
only to leave in the temp audio from his sound engineer,
"Sting like a bee!"
and films the whole thing on 3 different aspect ratios that he rapidly shifts between for the entire movie.
Gah, I cannot unsee that now!
"Logic has left the building."
"Big personalities just sort of clashing and lord, bloody!"
"From you, it sounds...
I don't know, vaguely racist."
"BLOW IT UP!"
"Has my life been wasted?
Have you ever felt like that?"
You know what's almost as awkward as that long scene about having sex with Mark Wahlberg's underage daughter in the last movie?
An ever longer scene about how long it's been since Mark Wahlberg's had sex.
"No whoopee, Mr. Cade?"
"It's been a while."
"Well, how long's a while, a week, a month, a year?"
MAKE IT STOP!