- Let's talk about your finger,
because I, like everyone, am fascinated
with how long this is taking to heal.
- Yeah. [laughs]
- I think you're just keeping it on for sympathy, maybe.
- Yeah, it's become my style now,
and it's like Michael Jackson's glove.
- You got your wedding ring caught
on the corner of a counter.
- Yeah, it's called ring avulsion--don't Google it.
It's really gross, but it's real.
It almost, like, ripped my finger off my hand,
and so, luckily I have a great doctor,
and all the great nurses over at Bellevue Hospital
took care of my finger and saved my finger.
So it's actually a-- it's back on my hand,
but it's gonna take a while to heal.
I'm doing physical therapy now.
I'm thinking probably by the new year.
- So, wow, that's, uh--
- But it's nothing--I mean, compared with what
people really have to deal with it's not that bad.
- No, I understand, but still,
I mean, it was not just a little--
You were in intensive care for 10 days, right?
- Yeah. - Wow.
- I was in the ICU, and I will say this:
I'm so happy you're on television,
because when you're in the ICU all day,
you really just--you have the television, really.
- Yeah. - Is all you can watch.
and thank God you're on TV, because you make everyone happy,
and you make everyone get better and get out of there.
[cheers and applause] Get out of the hospital!
It's just a tricky place.
And even worse, so I go home.
I go home after I taped a show, and I have this tube of stuff
I'm supposed to put on a scar on my hand?
And so I go home, and I put my pajamas on,
and I'm about to go--my wife is there just sleeping--
- What color--what do the pajamas look like?
- There's a giant sleeping cap.
Yeah, yeah, sleeping cap. Yeah, yeah.
Just a really--just a robe.
A long--a long gown, a nightgown is what I wear.
- Like a silky gown?
- Yeah, I wear, like, the Jessica Simpson line?
- Uh huh.
- Yeah, I wear a lot of her stuff
It's comfortable, yet, you know, affordable.
[laughing] And I wear that.
So I go--I'm about to go to bed,
and I open this tube, and it's one of those tubes
that you open up, and there's also--
you have to cut the end off with like a scissors or a knife.
- Yeah. - You know those?
So I don't have a scissors or a knife,
So I go, "I'll just bite it off with my teeth."
- Anybody would. - Yeah.
So I bite, and my tooth chips-- chips in half.
So I take my tooth out, I put it up,
and I go in to my wife, I'm like, "Hey, honey!"
Yeah, that's me right there.
I go, "Hey honey, I'm here!
I'm here, I'm ready to hang out for the weekend."
And she was sleeping, and I heard her whisper,
"Divorce."
And it was very interesting.
But I had a good run for a while of not doing any accidents,
but this one set the record straight.
- It seems like we have the safest job in the world,
that you couldn't get injured.
We're sitting down, we're talking to people.
You've been comedian most of your life.
You were so, so successful with the show
and now Stephen Colbert's started this week,
and you're friends with Stephen.
- I love Stephen Colbert. - But it's a competitive--
I mean, we all are friends.
I'm not-- I'm not competing with you,
so we don't have that competitive nature,
but if you're up against your friend, how does that feel?
- Well, yeah, it's interesting.
I mean, he's just, as you know,
one of the nicest guys out there.
And I think the more, the merrier.
I think it just brings more attention to late night,
and gets more people watching TV in general,
so I think we all win.
I mean, there's room for everybody.
- Yeah. - You know?
- Good answer, yeah.
- Is it good? - Yeah, it is.
- Top--survey says? - And I like you both.
I mean, it is, it's really tough,
and there is enough to go around.
There's enough good vibes for everybody.
- Yeah, there's so many channels and so many different people
and personalities and different tastes
and the more, the merrier.
I love the guy. He's a good guy.
- So I don't want you to get hurt anymore,
and I know you wear suits every night on the show,
so I got you something.
- You really did? - Yep, I really did.
Stand up, let me show you how it goes on.
- Okay.
Thank you.
Put your hands-- put your arms out.
- Oh, my gosh.
Oh, this is perfect. - Careful of his finger.
- Yeah, this is absolutely perfect.
Thank you very much. Okay, this is good here, yup.
- This is to protect your hands.
- Okay, yep.
This finger's hurt, but I can do this.
- This is a helmet, just to make sure if you fall down.
- Ellen, this is great.
- No one will ever even know you have a helmet on.
- This is like, no one will even know--
- It's like real hair.
[cheers and applause]
- This is so good. No one will even know
that I'm not wearing my normal suit.
- No one will know that--
- People--and this is--I can do anything and be so safe.
This is so thoughtful and caring.
Thank you for taking care of me. - I care about you.