-So then Louis says, "If you could only cook
as well as you could argue, we could fire the chef."
And I said, "Well, Louis, if you could make love
as well as you argue, we could fire the gardener."
[ Laughs ]
-Alright, dear, I think you've had enough.
You're boring our guests so much,
they'll think we're even duller than when they got here.
-Oh, well, thank you, Professor Williams,
and your wife, Vanessa Williams.
It was an honor to get a dinner invitation
from the Dean of -- -Junior Dean.
-Yeah!
-Junior Dean of the Fine Arts Program
here at Beige College. But we really should be going.
-Yes. You see, it's well past nine
and we're trying to have a baby.
-We almost had one of those once, remember, dear?
-If I recall, it was all your fault.
-How dare you, you washed up piece of --
-[ Grunts ] Watch it, old girl.
-Or what?
You're worried I'll tell them about your art?
-Darling, I'm warning you.
-Oh, Professor, I just thought you were a historian.
I didn't know you were an artist as well.
-I'm not. -Oh, don't be modest, Louis.
Show them. Show them your art.
-It's not ready yet and you know that!
-You've been saying that for 15 years.
Show them or I will!
-Vanessa Joan Williams, you're turning over everything.
-Well, I do love art. -Ha! Then you're in luck.
Well, which one should we look at first?
-I said they're not finished!
Now sit down or I will sit you down.
-Oh, here is a good one.
You were working on this one the day we met.
-The day the sun went out.
Now put it away.
-He told me he was painting it for his father.
He was going to show it in Paris.
-Give it to me, you witch.
-I was going to be the wife of a famous artist
and we'd have a baby right after.
Let me show them.
-It's not finished, you childish shrew!
Oh!
Oh, the devil is a woman!
-Oh, we don't have to see it.
Not if you're going to hit each other over it.
-No. You need to see what my husband could do
if he had the stuff to finish anything.
-Oh. Oh, my.
-It's not finished. I never got the expression right.
And the writing on the back of the paper is just squiggles.
-Well, I think the painting is great the way you have it,
but we really should go.
-No, no, no. Sit down.
The art show is just getting started.
You need to see the reason my husband never gave me a baby.
-It's not finished.
-What more would you do to it?
-And why is that why you don't have a baby?
-He locked himself in his studio night after night,
screaming, torturing himself.
-You've got a lot of twisted thoughts in that head of yours.
-Don't interrupt, dear.
I'm telling our guests about the dark places you would go
so you can make art like this.
-That one's a photograph, right?
-Well, it's not finished, but yes, it is.
Photos are art, too.
Now, let's stop this and get my wife another drink.
It's the only way to plug her mouth.
-Or we could look at your self-portrait.
I call it "Why I Don't Have a Baby."
-Put it away!
They don't want to see that! It's too dark!
Oh! Oh, that's why I never sold anything.
They're all too dark.
-And that's you?
-Yes, it's me and my studio, but it's not finished.
I was going to add a thought bubble
that said, "It's a living."
But what does it matter now?
Are you happy, dear?
You've shown them what a heartless creature you are
and what a failure your husband is.
-And that's why we can't escape each other
and why we can never have children.
-Cheers to that.
-And why again is that keeping you from having children?
-Stop asking that.
-Here's your answer.
Look at this one.
-That one actually is finished.