- Have you ever wondered how to trick a narcissist?
Did you even think it was even possible?
It definitely is.
And by the end of this video,
you're gonna know exactly how to trick narcissists.
(upbeat music)
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung,
I've been recognized as one
of the top 1% of attorneys in the country
and I've written a couple of bestselling books
and I am a narcissist negotiation expert.
That is what I do.
I teach you step-by-step guidance on how to deal with,
manage and negotiate with narcissists.
And if that's what you wanna be able to do,
then go ahead and subscribe to my channel
and that way you'll get notified when I upload new videos.
Okay, so let's talk about ways to trick narcissists.
It seems like they're always trying to trick us and frankly,
we're becoming overrun with them.
I keep hearing varying statistics
about how many narcissists there are in the world.
I've heard statistics that it was one in 10,
then I've also heard 16% and you know,
it could be just that they're not actually diagnosed
as a narcissist.
It could be just that, you know,
they have narcissistic traits
or tendencies or something like that.
I mean, I kind of tend to look at it as a continuum.
Like there are, you know, people who are just one big heart
and only care about other people.
And then there's, you know, sort of it goes along
and there's a little bit more of each side.
And then you get to the other end of the spectrum
where the narcissist is the person
who has no inner sense of value.
They have no ability to have any care
or concern or empathy for other people
because they live in this world of scarcity.
They just believe that, you know,
if you have something, then I can't have something,
and I do wanna make sure I differentiate,
it's not just somebody who
says something good about themselves
or happens to be bragging or something like that.
That doesn't make a person a narcissist,
you've got to remember the other part of the equation
which is the person doesn't have the ability
to care for others.
And a lot of times, you can't really tell that
unless you get to know them, or you get to know
what's going on in their personal lives,
because sometimes people can seem to be
like the nicest people on the planet.
And I mean, covert narcissists are super good at that.
And if you wanna know more about covert narcissists
you should definitely check out my video
on covert narcissism in relationships.
And also I have one called,
the covert passive aggressive narcissist,
based on a book that I had read
which totally opened my eyes.
And I realized I was dealing with two covert narcissists
in my own life, not as a husband,
but one in a business situation and other one as part
of our extended family and both of them cause so much drama
and trauma and chaos, and so much headache for me
and you know, it's very confusing.
You wonder what the hell is going on.
And then once you start to read about it, learn about it,
watch videos like this one, you start to realize,
oh my God, like, this is what's happening.
This is what this person is.
So just remember that that's what a narcissist actually is.
So how do you go about tricking them?
Well they're constantly trying to manipulate you, right?
They're constantly trying to trick you.
They're constantly, you know, lying and projecting.
And if you wanna know more
about what happens when narcissists get caught in a lie
by the way, definitely check out my video on that topic.
But I mean, it's just on and on and on.
So you're constantly feeling like you're on the defensive,
especially in negotiations, they usually get
some kind of something going right out of the gate
before you even realize what's been going on.
I actually have a family member right now
who's dealing with this.
You know, somebody was plotting and planning,
and my family member was like,
I had no idea that this was going on.
I thought everything was pretty good.
And for months and months and months
sometimes, they can be plotting
and planning and you don't even realize.
So you often feel like you are on the defensive
right out of the gate and it can feel very violating.
It can feel like defeating.
Why should I bother, can I even get anywhere?
How can I turn this around?
How do I crawl out of this hole?
And all I can tell you for sure, is that you definitely can.
There are definitely ways to turn it around.
I've helped many, many people turn it around,
either as my private clients with my law practice
or people that I've helped
through private coaching or many thousands
of people bought my programs or millions of people
who've watched this channel.
And I hear from people all day every day,
that they've used what I've taught them
and it definitely has worked.
And no matter where you are right now,
I've said this before, that is the jumping off point.
It's never too late.
You can turn it around and you can start to trick them too.
Now the word trick can kind of sound
a little bit manipulative, but basically,
you're dealing with a master manipulator.
So you just have to learn how to,
what I call ethically manipulate the manipulator.
People who are close to me
know that I say that integrity is my love language.
So I'm not asking you to do anything
that's untoward that's gonna feel icky,
especially for you empaths out there,
but it may not feel comfortable right away.
Because a lot of times, especially if you're an empath,
you're out there thinking, well,
I just wanna resolve this.
You know, why can't we just resolve this?
Why can't we just have a conversation?
Because you're forgetting that you're completely
on a different plane than a narcissist is.
The narcissist is going
for narcissistic supply at all times.
And supply can look like jerking you around.
It can look like intimidating you,
scaring you, manipulating you,
manipulating the process, moving the goalpost.
If you're dealing with a narcissist in a legal situation,
it looks like using the court system as a sword,
not providing discovery that they're supposed to provide,
ignoring court orders, things like that.
And so it can feel difficult to go, okay,
I'm gonna go on the offensive now,
I'm gonna actually go the other direction.
But that is what you have to do
in order to start to gain ground and gain that leverage.
Okay, so let's talk about some of the ways
that you can start tricking them.
So one of the ways that you can definitely do that
is through what is often called narcissistic fluffing.
I call it bartering.
Basically what you're doing,
is you're giving value for value.
What is value to a narcissist?
Value to a narcissist is getting adulation,
compliments, money, all those sorts of things, right?
So what you do, is you give them some of what they want
so that you can get a little something back
of what you want as well.
So you'll say something like, you know,
can you work on the QuickBooks
and update the program for us?
You're so much better at bookkeeping
than we are, something like that.
I mean, and you gotta be careful.
You don't wanna say it was sarcasm or anything like that
but you're kind of fluffing up their ego,
giving them a little bit of adulation,
so that you can get something back of what you want.
So that's a nice little way
of being able to kind of trick the narcissist
into doing something that you want them to do.
It's very ethical, there's nothing wrong with it
but it gives them a little something of what they want.
And so you get a little something of what you want as well.
And if this definitely sounds
like something that you can do,
give me an I can do this, in the comments below.
Okay, so the next way that you can trick the narcissist,
is something that I call narcissistic decoying.
So basically, when you're in a negotiation situation
with a narcissist, you don't want to tell them what it is
that you actually want out of the negotiations
because then that's the one thing that they're gonna
wanna make sure that you definitely do not get, right?
And if they think that you don't want something,
then they're not gonna care about that.
So you kinda have to do a little bit
of decoying and just act
like there's something that's really,
really important to you that you don't care about as much
or vice versa, and act like you don't care
about the thing that you definitely do want.
It's a little bit tricky sometimes to do that,
but if you can pull it off, it will definitely work
for you because at the end of the day, you can, you know,
do your best acting job and act like, oh my God,
I can't believe I had to give up that thing.
And it was a thing that you had already decided
you wanted to give up anyway.
So I call that narcissistic decoying,
it's a really easy way
that you can also trick the narcissist.
The last thing that I would say to you
in tricking them is definitely do not
let on when you are onto them.
When a narcissist knows you know, which by the way,
I have a video on that topic, you know,
they start acting a little bit funny.
They either start hoovering, they start coming back to you
or they start being worse than ever.
They start having one of their narcissistic tantrums.
The narcissistic rage comes flying out.
So I would say definitely don't let on
when you are onto them.
And if you have great leverage,
this is sort of like the next one,
but it kind of relates back to the last one.
When you have your leverage, do not give it away too early.
You wanna make sure that you use
it at the most opportune time.
You don't wanna drip it out
because then they start figuring out
how to combat it, how to get around it.
You wanna use it all at once
and you wanna use it at the most opportune time.
So I talk a lot more about that in some of my other videos
as well as in my slay program.
So if you are getting ready to negotiate
with a narcissist, make sure to grab my free
Crush My Negotiation prep worksheet at winmynegotiation.com.
Feel free to also join me in my free private Facebook group
which is narcissist Negotiators With Rebecca Zung.
And if you like this video,
make sure you like it and you share it.
And you drop me that comment.
You can tell me, I can do this,
and make sure that you subscribe to my channel
if you haven't done that already.
Subscribe, hit that notification bell.
And as I said, remember today is a great day
to start negotiating your best life.
You can definitely do this.
Okay, I'm Rebecca Zung,
and I will see you in the next video.