(audience clapping)
Thank you so much for,
I got to say,
I was thinking about it today,
I think you're in four of my favorite movies of all time.
Mad, mad, mad, mad world.
You're in The Great Race
which when I was a kid was my favorite movie.
I think.
The In-laws,
probably if you're going to pick five funny,
That's the one I like.
That's the one you like.
Five really funny,
That's the one I like.
I think The In-laws,
The In-Laws to me is really an inspired script.
It's the kind of thing,
I don't know how many of you have seen this picture,
but it looks like random madness.
It looks like just silliness.
And it's a miracle
because at the end it's a coherent story.
Yeah.
Which never happens in American movies anymore.
No. Particularly in comedies.
Yeah or here, it never happens here.
It never ends coherently on this show.
No, that is not true.
Thank you. I'm a god.
(audience laughing)
Remember, remember Conan O'Brien rocks, Conan O'Brien rules.
It's going to be a big hit.
Colombo won five Emmys for you.
Five Emmys. That's, that,
(audience cheering)
What is it? When you have,
If I had five Emmys and I'm not kidding,
if I had five Emmys,
I would mount them on the hood of my car and drive around
so that everybody could see that I had five Emmys.
Yeah, but you know,
sometimes when you have things in a room
and they've been there for a long, long time,
so you don't notice every time you walk in a room
that they're there.
But one day I walk into the room, where's the Emmys?
I yell to my wife, "We're the Emmys?"
She says, "They're up in Lenny's room."
I go up there, I don't see them.
I said, "They're not here."
She says, "They're are on the chest facing the bed."
Well, now I look, I don't see them.
And then I see, oh, that little black base
that sits on some hair,
I said, that base is the base of an Emmy.
And that hair is the hair from a lady's wig.
Now I understood what happened.
(laughing)
My wife, God love her, I could strangle her,
she,
(audience laughing)
She's using my Emmys for a wig rack.
(audience cheering)
I can't believe this is true.
No, I tell you, it's true.
I brought a picture.
You have a picture?
People don't believe this,
so I brought a picture.
(laughing)
Oh, wow.
(audience cheering)
Wow.
(audience clapping)
There you go.
Oh, when they're all together there,
it looks like the Band Aerosmith.
When they are all together.
(audience laughing)
Now, something you're not afraid to talk about,
is you have a,
I'm glad you mentioned this.
Columbo was on tomorrow night at,
I'm sorry.
I was gonna mention that.
Yeah, it's right here, that comes at the end,
let me plug that, yeah.
It's okay, I'm sorry.
How dare you?
(audience laughing)
I got carried,
Do you know who I am?
You are not afraid to talk about the fact
that you have a glass eye.
And in fact, you have a lot of fun with that.
You've actually, you've played practical jokes
with that fact that you have a glass eye.
Well, the thing is this,
when you're young and you've got a glass eye,
you dread that moment
where some other kids is going to come up to you and say,
"What's the matter with your eye?"
Right. 'Cause you got,
How come one don't move?
That's not good.
But then after a while, when you play sports,
you get used to it.
But when you realize that you can get a laugh,
now you're home free.
And the first really big laugh I got
was when I was playing ball.
When I was in City High School,
that's where I went to school.
They have the grand stand on the third base side
was very close to the third base actually.
And that was important because those people could see
and hear everything.
And that was important because the play was at third base.
And I got called out at third base.
It was a big call, no doubt about it.
And when I whipped out the eye,
(audience laughing)
And I handed it to the umpire,
(audience cheering)
and all the guys in the stands,
they could all hear what I said.
And I said, "You'll do better with this one."
(laughing)
Yeah, we have a lot of,
(laughing)
go out, get yourself a couple of glass eyes.
Keep in your pockets,
it's fun kids.