Ah, mobile games!
Obi-wan Kenobi: You never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
Strider: A place we go for our momentary escape from our evermore anxiety inducing social media feeds.
To find a little respite of flow and enjoyable mirth.
All too often for that hope to be shoved back into our faces with manipulation operant conditioning gameplay!
Attempting to scam us out of what little money we manage to keep in this increasingly bizarre world.
Attacking u when we're vulnerable, like a pack fo rabid wolves and salesman ties.
But fortunately, SpongeBob mobile games have sometimes been an exception.
Some of these games had a ton of good points, fun gameplay...
And didn't intrude their vile money shilling manipulation onto minors.
Eugk...
Pardon me, tasteless.
Anyway, for better or for worse...
Let's check out the top 3 best & worst SpongeBob mobile games!
But you know, I'd like some help from an amazing audio editor, and good friend of mine.
PieGuyRulz: Oh, hey guys! What's up Strider?
Need some editing done?
Strider: Oh, hey PieGuy! All good for today my friend!
But I noticed from your channel you've been doing a lot of SpongeBob gameplay lately.
Feel like chatting about some of these SpongeBob mobile games?
PieGuy: Well sure, I'd be happy to! I'm certainly no stranger to SpongeBob!
Or his games for that matter...
Strider: Okay, great! Onto the countdown!
For the third worst...
Well, I guess we'll try to start with the positives, but there aren't that many.
It's challenging enough...
And it's a mobile game where I didn't run into any intrusive micro-transactions.
I was actually given a full, uninterupted mobile game.
PieGuy: Enjoy it while it lasts...
Because micro-transactions are a definite recurring theme in some of these games.
But yeah, SpongeBob football is challenging for what it is.
And there's a good handful of different Nicktoons to play as.
Strider: Here we get to feel a bit like a soccer superstar.
As good old Spongey kicks goals and dodges fish!
The same fish over and over, but still, it presents a good challenge.
Run, dodge a few fish, kick a goal...
Run again, dodge a few more fish, and miss a goal And so on.
Maybe I'm more biased than usual because I have no interest in Soccer whatsoever...
Apart from Marathon and trail running, I honestly only ever tune in for figure skating.
PieGuy: Maybe "football" fan will get a little more fun out of these micro games than we did...
Strider: Right!
Tha-that' totally what I meant!
PieGuy But, peronally, I grew tired of it pretty quickly.
Especially with that obnoxious, repetitive music.
Strider: Oh, I know!
So you remember the SpongeBob ending credits, right?
Of course you do!
I like this 30 second song, but we've all heard it over and over like a billion times now.
And all through this game, it loops on repeat!
In fact, the cut loop is so poor that both PieGuy and I cringed in unison!
PieGuy: Euggk! Tell me about it!
Would it have killed them to make the song a little bit longer?
Strider: Personally, I'd recommend giving SpongeBob and Nicktoons football challenge the boot!
Or I guess.. the uh... spiked sports shoe?
But, anyway...
And for the third best...
Priced at six dollars.
Aghk! There's so much petential in this one!
But a massive, massive flaw!
Yep, *that* flaw!
Micro-transactions!
Micro-transactions that really affect the gameplay!
But we'll get more into that later!
PieGuy: So, apparently Mr. Krabs has gotten a machine for his restaurant called The Great Wumbozi...
Mr. Krabs: Eh, go ahead and have a look boys, but don't touch!
PieGuy: But Mr. Krabs has asked SpongeBob and Patrick NOT to touch it!
Strider: Oh, I guess we'll just sit here then.
So, um...
How're you?
PieGuy: Eh, I'm alright.
Just finished up my Livestream laythrough of Battle for Bikini Bottom rehydrated.
Strider: Oh yeah, I saw that!
Did you.. uh... Use a controller?
PieGuy: Yep, I did.
Strider: Well, uh.. tha-that's good!
I like to use a controller too, yeah.
(*PieGuy clears his throat with frustration*)
Strider: Alright! ALRIGHT! I'll press it!
Wumbozi: 300 points until your next game!
Strider: Hey, nice!
At first this took me right back to playing SpongeBob Squigglepants.
Where you're thrown a bunch of innovative, creative micro-games in Bikini Bottom...
That incorporate tons of different uses for your phone or tablet!
Whether it be navigating through an ear, blowing bubbles, or poking Squidward's nose.
What we can play is really a blast on the tablet.
PieGuy: There's quite a lot of voice acting from the original voice cast to liven up the micro-games too.
SpongeBob: Assistant Manager!?
Me!!??
Am I dreaming!?
PieGuy: Unfortunately, this is where we begin to see the onslaught of micro-transactions.
Because there's only ten microgames unlocked at first.
Strider: Yep.
Unlike SquigglePants, where we're given dozens of new micro games every time we unlock a new level...
Here we have the same ten micro-games over and over in one game.
But the rest locked.
We play a few time and we eventually unlock...
One more single microgame and have to win even more points to unlock more.
To the point where you'd have to play the game, like, 600 to unlock all the micro-games.
And don't get me wrong, I like all ten micro-games.
It's just that technically there's over 50 of these games.
We just can't access them.
PieGuy: Of course, let's not forget, the game already costs $6 for them to download.
Given these SpongeBob mobile games are generally targeted at young people...
This was definitely a ScumBob move for Nickelodeon.
Strider Yeah, having this many inept purchases in so many SpongeBob games...
Primarily designed for young people is very heinous!
And it left a bad taste in my mouth.
It's one thing when you get a game like The Simpsons to be filled with microtransactions...
But when you put tons and tons of payrolls in SpongeBob for kids to buy packs of 4-6 micro-games...
Well, that makes me a Sad Panda.
PieGuy: And it's a shame too, because it seems fun!
And it's obvious the thought designers put a lot of thought into these unique colourful micro-games.
Strider: And that's the thing, in a technical sense, this is a great game!
It's a shame the people can't access the game without continually emptying their wallets.
And for the second worst SpongeBob mobile game...
Aw! How cool does this game look in concept?
I mean, SpongeBob escaping from prison?
That sounds epic!
I like to think he's serving time for public nudity charges!
Insert your own prediction here if you like.
Bud sadly, what we got was just a cheap attempt to cash in on a chunky generic platformer...
With SpongeBob's face pasted on it.
PieGuy: In each level, SpongeBob has to find the key and escape through the door.
Climbing walls, dodging spikes...
Dodging more spikes....
And...
Dodging even more spikes!
Strider: Anything else?
PieGuy: Nope!
That's it!
I found a banana peel once, but that was only on one level.
Strider: Oh. Well at least the music's kinda cool!
PieGuy: To be fair though, this was probably created by one person.
On, like, no budget.
Unlike the Nickelodeon games which have less of an excuse.
Strider: Yeah, and it's still a way better game than I ever made.
It's got an atmospheric prison setting, fun music, and it's available for free with the occasional ad.
And that's appreciated more after we see some of these games try to scam minors.
Bad game, but good on the creator for trying to give it the old college try.
Strider: And for the second best...
Strider: Dang.
This one really tics all the boxes for a solid mobile-tablet game while not being too manipulative or devious either.
We play as SpongeBob, well, running!
Racing against Plankton to, yep, you guessed it, find the Krabby Patty formula.
Plankton: My time machine! Perfect!
Strider: The most over-done plot in the world aside...
The gameplay itself is thrilling, quick, and the controls respond lightning fast!
PieGuy: We mostly collect power-ups, dodge and slide under obstacles as SpongeBob races against Plankton.
Some power-ups make Spongey invincible..
Magnetize collectibles, or even give him a jetpack to power through the level.
It's a hig-intensity, quick gaming experience, though at the same time it felt really unfair when I lost.
And I lost a whole lot.
But the vast majority of the time I'd lose because I just wasn't quick enough to respond.
PieGuy: The controls are like your standard mobile running game.
Slide your finger up, down, left, or right depending on if you wanna strafe left, strafe right, jump, or duck.
Strider: The game's world feels open and colourful.
Levels don't over-stay their welcome either.
Never lingering too long on one setting until it gets boring.
Plus the graphics make this feel almost like a weird moment straight out of the Sponge Out of Water movie.
Sponge on the Run was an addictive, fun experience to play.
But not in that manipulative sort of way...
Like, I genuinely wanted to pass levels and see what crazy Bikini Bottom area lurks beyond me.
But it does take some skill and practice.
Probably a fair bit more than I have.
Also, did anyone else find this kind of beautiful to finally hear?
SpongeBob: Tell.. Sandy...
I love her...
Strider: Uh.. Anyway... I think the number one worst SpongeBob mobile game is...
Geez, doesn't this look gorgeous for a mobile game?
Fantastic starting intro too!
PieGuy: Yeah, we get a nicely animated starting cinematic of SpongeBob first entering Bikini Bottom.
After getting a ride frfom his folks, he grabs his gear and moves into his pineapple.
But then we get to the actual gameplay...
Strider: And, you know, the actual gameplay? That's meant to be an important part of the game!
Why, it's The Simpsons Tapped Out!
Except its cheap skinner box manipulation tactics are aimed at children this time.
As my fellow Aussie brethren would say...
PieGuy: Much like Simpsons Tapped Out, it a bunch of time-based mechanics.
These can be sped up if players spend real money.
And given how much SpongeBob games appeal to little kids...
Yeah, there's that ScumBob tactic again.
Strider: I mean, even for Modern Nick it's a revolting idea!
And to make matters worse, the tutorial's like...
Ten freaking minutes long and it forces you to play it their exact way!
It doesn't let you press a thing the first ten minutes of the game.
Other than what it absolutely demands!
I'm guessing this is done in order to condition kids who can't yet read...
And show them kinesthetically how to play their new addiction.
It's like.. WOW Nickelodeon...
How do you guys sleep at night after making this!?
Do you have... Anything positive to add Pie Guy?
PieGuy: Well... The music is decent enough?
It's not just a rehash of the usual SpongeBob songs.
The tune is never too intrusive and it sets the mood right...
And the graphics are pretty impressive too?
Strider: Yeah, true...
But that kind of just makes it feel even more inidious to me.
I mean, this thing sets off nearly every one of my manipulation alarm bells.
Much of the game is like Homer puts it in Tapped Out.
Homer: Ya tap, and wait, and tap, and wait!
And for what!?
So your pretend town can have more pretend flowers than your pretend friend's!
PieGuy: The pay-wall hits after you've made a couple of Krabby Patties.
Once you start to move in residence, you'll have to wait from 20 minutes...
To ***HOURS*** for Bikini Bottom citizens to move in, build a house, etc.
But don't worry kids, because you can just pay to speed things up!
You can pay anything from $16 to $107 to buy...
Jellyfish jelly...
This will let you skip the process of waiting.
The artificial waiting process put in purely to cause addiction.
PieGuy: So, if we want to participate in this game and give citizens Krabby Patties...
Fulfill their wishes, improve the town, and grow it further...
Well, we'll just have to open our wallets!
Because Nickelodeon is doing their best impression of Mr. Krabs.
Strider: Otherwise we let the game condition kids to log in hourly to check their town.
Uhg... JEEBUS that's sinister!
This game makes me mad!
*This*...
Is a SpongeBob game!
That is attempting to manipulate its younger audience with opperant conditioning!
I can comfortable call this the number 1 worst SpongeBob mobile game!
I repeat...
And before we get to the best, just a quick Honourable Mention.
This one's probably the best mobile platformer SpongeBob's ever had.
It's a shame it's been made an iOS exclusive title and Apple doesn't offer any support to Windows or Android.
You know, Google's like their arch enemy.
Anyway, for the number one BEST SpongeBob mobile game...
This game's like a warm mug of soup next to a toasty fire on a quiet snowy evening.
Which, frankly, I think mobile phones could use a bit more of right now.
Krusty Cook-Off is smooth...
Easy to play...
And it's pretty simple to get the hang of.
PieGuy: So the story is, Krabs has set up a pancake cooking kiosk outside of SpongeBob's house.
For some reason...
Maybe Krabs converted the old Pretty Patties stand.
Anyway, Sandy joins the retail industry too...
Starting a BBQ steakhouse at her treedome.
Strider: How fish got their hands on cows we'll never know...
But props to the game designers for not wimping out and roasting corn on the cob like Peppa Pig did.
A fake Aussie: Let's cook up a good, old fashioned Austrailian picnic!
Strider: They give Sandy's BBQ some good, old juicy rump steaks!
Bone and all!
I'll take mine well-done, Sandy.
But I completely understand if you don't throw, well, you know, shrimp on the barbie.
You know, Aussie tradition.
PieGuy: Residents will walk in and out of dining at a steady pace...
Slowly getting more challenging as they progress.
PieGuy: There's a variety of upgrades too that don't require real money to purchase.
And players can watch an ad to skip wait times, which is a fair compromise over pressuring them to spend money
Strider: It's an easy passtime game to pick up.
But best of all, I felt immersed.
Like I was there with SpongeBob.
Behind the grill, serving up pancakes and coffee to Bikini Bottom residents.
The characters are beautifully animated too.
Our fishy customers look more vibrant and endearing than ever.
It's a SpongeBob game that its animation feels like it's straight out of a modern episode.
Look at the small details in these customers.
The way residents react with surprise.
The way their faces light up.
That extra body language is a real phenomenal touch.
On a personal note, I remember working in the service industry for, like, 8 years...
And I would've LOVED these customers!
While some customers can be friendly...
THESE are like the most consistently appreciative customers you'll ever meet.
PieGuy: It's solid gameplay that actually stands on its own.
WITHOUT requiring constant micro-transactions!
I think the game aims to give players a sense of flow.
Strider: Yeah, exactly!
A bit like Dance Dance Revolution...
It's a game that tries to insite that sense of flow...
Using reflexes, practice, and learning!
It's one of those rare mobile games that can be enjoyed, not just through addiction or skinner box tactics...
But simply through making a busy, flowing game through a bunch of micro-tasks.
And that is exactly the kind of experience I want from a SpongeBob mobile game.
PieGuy: Also, I love the throwback to Chocolate With Nuts.
There's a pretty familiar face in here.
Chocoholic fish: Chocolate?
CHOCOLATE!?
CHOOOCLAAAAAAAAATE!
Strider: Heh! I love that episode!
PieGuy: Although there are some small, potential, in-app purchases...
They aren't anywhere near as intrusive or experience breaking as other SpongeBob games.
Strider: I was admittedly disappointed to see at least some hints of a loot crate system...
But it appears this isn't a major part of the gameplay.
Mostly, Krusty Cook Off is just a fun experience of cooking, and being a part of Bikini Bottom.
And I found it a downright pleasant time!
And I'm quite happy to call it the number 1 best SpongeBob mobile game!
To be honest, I didn't have any particular thesis or overarching point to be made on this list...
I mainly just wanted an excuse to talk about old Spongey a bit more.
I dunno about you, but I needed a bit more fun talking about that light-hearted silly stuff for a while.
And PieGuy, thanks for dropping in man!
I found this list more fun with your help!
PieGuy: Glad to help, Strider! I've certainly played a lot of good & bad SpongeBob games on my let's play channel!
And seeing their mobile equivalence is interesting.
Anyway, I'll see you in the editing room!
Strider: I'll see you there!
And I'll see you next time!
[Subtitled by [someone shocked to have done an iconic Spongey line] Jadrek Myers. Commissioned by Phantom Strider]
[Fun fact: Squidward's name is meant to be a sea creature equivalent to the name Edward, similar to SpongeBob's being an equivalent to Robert.]