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Hey everybody well, uh, welcome back to the ellen show
Uh, your favorite parrot knows sarcastic mediocre daytime talk show host with a rubber ducky for a voice box
So, uh, hey, my wife has to suffer through my talking all day
And uh, you all just got me for an hour and a half
Uh, so count your blessings now everyone please welcome my next guest billy eilish
Hey billy, how's it going? Hey ellen gosh, you know I I love your eyes
Oh, uh, thank you. I love your eyes, too
I love how they just look
demonic and dead
Like a like you're staring in my soul and uh trying to possess me. Hey, you know I might
Now billy you've been on my show before uh, so no need to talk about all your sad and depressing music that you know
Everyone loves so much. Uh
Let's let's get to what's really important, you know, uh, am I your type or what?
Ellen what yo you trying to holla?
I mean, uh, yeah
Why not billy? We all know you love justin bieber and uh, I often get told I look just like him, uh, you know,
If not much cuter
I don't understand the hesitation
billy
but what about your wife I mean
You are wild yo
Uh, you know, billy. I love that hip hop urban dialect that you have. It reminds me of another starbucks slurping looking white girl
Who also talks like she's fresh off the streets of east compton. I think you might know her billy
Uh, you know what? We actually have her backstage
So let's bring her out everyone, please welcome. Danielle bregoli
Aka a bad, baby
Hey, uh bad baby, how are you happy
So
Danielle your stage name bad baby. Has the letter h in front of the letter b, uh, what's the uh reason in there?
cuz ellen
B for hoes, that's why I keep it real. I keep it true
I keep it street. I ain't fake. I don't deal with no snakes like period
before hoes, so
Wow, uh, okay, uh, you make billy over here sound like the queen of england
I i'm sorry. Danielle. I don't speak hood red. Can you say that again, you said?
before
Okay, so b's before h's but aren't those words usually used in similar ways they're not the same thing
See my come before a lot of these stupid dog ugly ugly dumb hoe ugly dumb hoes and I be having to deal with them
and that's like on period
Gotcha. Gotcha. Okay before hoes. Wow. Okay. Well the more you know
Unlike big billy over here. She ain't put her first sell out
Whatever yo
Now I understand you two used to be close friends and now you aren't friends at all
And uh have been throwing a little shade towards each other on instagram and whatnot
And uh, you wanna you wanna tell me what's up with that?
She can tell you tell them billy you was being fake and boozy before don't stop now
Yo, I hate you for this ellen. Okay, so basically
Long story short. I'm a freaking superstar now, so
I don't have time or energy to be like hanging around with some irrelevant gutter trash like her and you know
That's all it is, bro
and
She's just bad news, man. Like always beefing fighting someone and I I don't got time for that. Yep. Eh
Wow, uh harsh words, uh, you seem to really get along
Uh, so let's take a look at this lovely, uh photo here if you too
Uh now what about this picture, uh, this one's a little weird
Uh, danielle you you've got your hand around billy's neck. And uh, both of your tongues are out
So what what what's going what's going on here? I was really just trying to choke that hoe out
Like for real
I'ma be honest ellen like her breath was like really frying up the whole left side of my face like i'm serious. It was bad
You can see in the pic i'm like i'm literally trying to gasp for air, you know
Her breath smells like garlic and for loco
I mean her breast smells like cool ranch doritos and indian food like so nasty
I mean like no hate but her breath smells like hot cheetos and cats like for real
Whatever whatever all cap, that's all cat. That's all cat
Now bad baby, let's address all of these fights you've been in you know some online and some in person uh
You know, I know you uh you threw a drink at iggy azalea
Kangaroo looking coming you you also you you threatened scott jackson
Anybody can get the fee I don't care if you bout it then i'ma pull up
Uh, you got into a fight with woe vicki and a lil tay
Come on touch me
These hoes gonna learn to stop playing with me for real and you said this about billy
I I think i'm friends with billy
I don't know if billy's my friend every time I I dm her and give her my number
She just doesn't text me so I don't know. I mean, I guess that's what happens when being famous. It'd be like that
I'm, not sure I know who my real friends are
that's facts period
You know all this fun, it has me thinking you know, it's like a uh,
It's like a teenage girl avenger movie i'm saying I swear i'ma slap one of these hoes next time no cat ellen. Imma
imma, slap one of these hoes ellen
I think somebody needs to slap you like for real
You want to take this outside because I think they can bring the cameras outside
Yeah, okay. Danielle broccoli. It's bregoli
daniel bregoli
That's a stupid last name. Like it sounds like a pasta noodle. Like nobody's heard of your last name is like a lame pasta noodle
Did you just reduce my name to pasta i'm not spaghetti?
i'm bad, baby goldie
I I for one am quite partial to a nice plate of spaghetti myself, uh with a little parsley and oregano
What about some palm cheese on top dude? You can't go wrong with palm cheese, you know, i'm i'm all about that, you know
No parmesan
Yeah, uh parm cheese is good, uh, whatever uh makes me seem more relatable, you know
My whole career goes down the toilet if I don't seem relatable
So, uh, how how's about that new drake song, right? Uh, I
I swear to god once I open a bag of sour cream and onion laced potato chips. There's no going back
You know you really you can't eat just one
You know another thing I I don't really care which way my toilet paper roll is, you know
I don't over under you know, it doesn't make a difference to me one way or the other it still gets the job done. So
Uh, yeah and and you know, what else I uh, I was at the mall the other day and and hey
You know, I tell you there's nothing I really love more than uh, you know getting a soft pretzel
Uh or or a hot dog on a stick
I tell you the lemonade hot dog on a stick is uh
It's some of the best lemonade i've ever had other than the uh hand pressed lemonade. I had at oprah's house
I mean that was pretty good, too
Oh
brother this guy stinks
Uh, okay folks. Uh, well we'll be right back with these charming young ladies after these messages
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Okay, everyone well, uh, we're back with ghetto blossom and buttercup over here, uh
Reminding us all exactly how low the bar is set, uh for celebrity
This is uh, this is who our children have to look up to so
Uh, if that if that does not illustrate the decay
and uh decline of america I don't I don't really know what does
I'm, just joking. I'm just being silly
Uh so bad baby. Uh, billy. Do you two ever think you'll be friends again in the future not ellen. Hell no
I mean if she give me five minutes so I can repress real quick. I'll think about it
I'm serious and all these hoes laughing like he's so funny
uh
Yeah, all of the hoes in the audience, you know, stop laughing catch me outside. How about that? Catch me outside
What does that uh mean it means catch her outside and she'll you know, go do what she has to do
Yup
When what she really needs to do is, you know, like finish middle school
Yo, like I went there I said it
I don't need school. I dropped out in the seventh grade and i'm richer than all y'all and what so
My 24 million dollar mansion might disagree with you there
but uh, okay, let's move on, uh, i'm gonna play a clip from each one of you two's music videos and uh,
I want you each to say something nice, uh about each other's you know, I think that could be fun. I think that'll help
Uh, man this friendship, you know, so let's start with uh, danielle's hit song these hoes
And then uh, oh and there goes billy. All right, I guess she's done with the interview, I guess
Uh, well, it was nice having you on again. Billy. Bye billy. Bye billy. Bye billy. Bye
Phineas. Yeah, go ahead and fire. Like whoever booked me for this interview. All right. Okay. Thanks
She gonna walk off like that
So what we gonna talk about now ellen you gonna ask me about how I got inspired to become such an amazing artist or something
Uh, no, I I I think we're done here. Hey, you know, let's face it. This is a cartoon
All right, you'd never be on my show in real life
Okay, somebody get this wannabe street rat off my goddamn stage and bring lysol because it smells like pothead degenerates up in here
This is the last time I have kool-aid colored hair. It's on my show again. I'll tell you that
Damn ellen, that was rude, but kind of gangster though. I ain't even gonna lie. All right
I'm, i'm i'm out of here. My limo has arrived and um
I you know, i'm i'm so sorry audience
I've i've gotta go. Uh, I would say it's been a pleasure, but you know it it hasn't so, uh,
I i've really gotta run. I have george clooney and bill clinton coming over for dinner, you know, just a little dinner between friends
Uh, so i've gotta go. I've just about had it I mean
You've you've all got to be sick of seeing me. I swear if one more middle-aged woman comes up to me in the grocery store
I'm going to kill her I will i'll do it and you know what I can get away with it
Because i've got a ton of money, you know if we're going to be real
I'm, just kidding. I I I love when y'all come up to me in the in the supermarket
It's uh, it's a real joy. All right, uh be kind to yourselves